|Reviews for Chaos Paradise|
| Mephiles666 chapter 1 . 9/2/2014
Read, sent you the things on the Chatroom.
| HunterOfTheHunters chapter 1 . 8/28/2012
Definitely gonna like this story. Dunno why you considered re-writing this...I think it's pretty good. Sentences have a great flow, the humor is enjoyable, and everything is good. Honestly, I like the fic and I'm gonna read more later. Looking to reading more of this!
| Xy-Trig chapter 3 . 8/5/2012
AHAHAHA LOL STRIPPING PATCHOULI GIVING THIS FIC AN M RATING. CAN'T WAIT FOR THE REST OF THE HUMOR.
| Xy-Trig chapter 1 . 8/5/2012
On the footnotes: It's Zettai Ryouiki (Absolute Distance). /Main/ZettaiRyouiki should provide all of the information.
As for the nosebleed... well, it's ambiguous, but hey, it's the very first chapter. Time to start reading.
| nekokuro13 chapter 8 . 7/25/2012
Ah, 35-year-old Reimu? :P 'wherever this Hinabyayan place is, it is not in her realm as she never encountered a name like it before.' - it could've been in Africa! Jk, Jk, bad joke, i know.
'"It's been such a perfect day! No incidents... no trouble... no work... no Marisa... no visitors... no donations... no food... no money..."' - Uh huh. '"NO DONATIONS!"' - Yea. Seen that coming. But that kinda sums up this chapter, excluding for the introduction of a new OC, that is.
'"She does not admit it, but the passage of ten years and her stressful, laid back lifestyle has weakened her somewhat."' - Aww...
Well, so far I noticed that you've been consistent with the usage of tenses, so good job there. Will return some other time.
Magellan? Wasn't he killed by Lapu-lapu, or something? That's what I remembered reading somewhere. Uh, never mind that. I'm not Filipino, so who am I to argue.
And... just curious. How does one bridge the language barrier if one OC is from South-East Asia, and the Gensokyo-ians are Japanese?
| nekokuro13 chapter 7 . 7/25/2012
Aw... thank you for my honorable mention in chapter 3...
Had been reading this story from the beginning... again. Had to say it was easier on me with the longer chapters split.
"Welcome, Visitors, to the Shadow Mansion. We hope that ye are ready for your en…" - lol, coughs.
You do like to break the 4th wall, do you? It's uncountable already. :P
'after eating a leaf in your hunger,' lol.
'as well as the thin string of blood that flows from a small hole in the observatory wall,' - They should've donated blood. :P
'the young-old gap hag' - uh huh.
Ah, poor Yukari. The tropical mud is... tough, eh? And... chess. Reading Ran's words about Yukari in Aya's interview, I think she's going to be a tough, tough opponent, what with her ways of equations and all.
Somehow reading the second time gives me a better clarity on understanding the story, although sometimes I found it a little bit hard to imagine the OCs with the rarely mentioned descriptions. But then, maybe it's just me, I could be a little bit slow sometimes.
Well, it's been a while. I knew your profile says you're not too confident to give a lot of reviews, but never mind. Feel free to say anything. Besides, it may be the best chance for you to exchange words and ideas with a fellow author. That'll make being in FF Net less boring. Cheers.
| WillieG.R chapter 12 . 6/16/2012
A very nice snippet here. That dangerous poison covered all of Gensokyo quite fast, but Reimu knows what to do. Though Sending Marisa to Eientei will cost her dearly (maybe).
Speaking of the witch, that spell that fixes her body is just BRUTAL! Mima, being an evil spirit, must definitely have been in sadist-mode when she taught Marisa about that. Oh well. Looking forward for what may happen next :D
| nekokuro13 chapter 6 . 5/2/2012
Ow, such monologue of randomness... chaos! o
Oh, so... the cleaner made a mess tenfold the cleaned. (pathetic attempt at being archaic)
'LIKE A BOSS!
Okay, that was lame…' - XD
Ah! Why does everyone gawp at Meiblin! She's up to conquer all Gensokyo! I knew it, I just knew it!
'"Hey, Yuugi, you hear that?" "Huh?"' - that's one thing I notice about your story. The exchanges so silly, and the characters so wacky. 8D
Ouch! Suggestiveness alert! Mayday mayday! This should be rated T?
Um, the italic inserts often left me wondering, but... somehow they made more sense than the character's interactions, bordering somewhere between naughty and random.
'"I'll kill you Marisa… I'll kill you…"' - dark jealousy! XD
Ouch, after 10 years... they all've grown... adult-ish... you traded 90% of the innocence with randomness... and CHAOS! 8D
Makes a weird mix, but... not not enjoyable.
| nekokuro13 chapter 5 . 5/2/2012
That's some monologue... :P
Lol, Marisa after 10 years... no longer the Ordinary Human Magician, eh? Bang goes here excuse to 'borrow' things... she's now simply a thief. :P
'"WHO IN THE F****NG WORLD DID THIS B***H OF A JOB TO MY BELOVED MUSHROOM PATCH"' - Ouch, 10 years of adulthood had inserted 18 vocabularies huh?
Ouch! A step on the face? You really want to die, Marisa?
Marisa! Try to make sense not to talk with your mouth full! You sound like a glutton I'm worried about your BMI in another 5 years!
Gah! Reimu's having nasty thoughts! Wait, is gluttony contagious? BMI, people, BMI!
Lol, flashback. Reimu is often depicted as scary in fanon, but I guess, 10 years of adulthood could have that effect, her being 35 and still singl- pichu Ow!
Two lives left!
And at 35 and still being, ahem, she's start to turn towards little lolis! Ah, the horror!
Ah! Hakurei Shrine has a follower! And a very zealous one at that! It's a cult!
Lol, Reimu, lazy by the power of four? And Marisa's "Ze"-ishness. XD Lolicon Sakuya! Meiblin? Ouch, archaic left a weird taste in my mouth. P: Patchy, anti-ze! XD
And... I'm really bad in these language thingy, sorry.
Anyways, yeah, your story is indeed titled Chaos Paradise... It is chaotic. I could never predict whatever's going to come next. Neh, gave up predicting. On to next chapter!
| nekokuro13 chapter 4 . 5/2/2012
35-year old Reimu? LE GASP! A perfect example of why women hide their age.
'"Fossilised gap hag...", ' - lol, that's beyond ancient!
Ah, the language gap. Should it be old Japanese instead? :P
'"Take over my duties during daytime. That should be enough"' - Why you lazy opportunistic miko!
''Oh please! Stop being so freaking formal- it's creepy!'' - yeah! XD
Well, you have recurring minor capitalization issues, but I'm not going to nag like an editor. Wait, did I just did?
'Kotori's eyes turn into circles and her mouth turns into a box'- lol, anime effect!
'catching the attention of Meibilin wjp looks straight at Reimu' - I think you meant 'who' and mistyped wjp. :P
Oh, and you switched tenses between the past and present. Ah! Me! Stop being an editor!
Lol, Reimu older one's? The days when she used to have purple hair as a PC-98 character. XD
Wow, out of food supplies already? Maybe she ate with a trident instead of a fork.
Ah, so this story is about adult Reimu? O_O I'm so slow to get it. And no offence, but 35 and still singl- *pichu
Well, will have to wait how this story shapes itself. How will you pull the scattered unorthodox pieces together?
| nekokuro13 chapter 3 . 4/28/2012
Commercial break? My head is spinning. _ "...scrap that." *Head spins even more. lol'ed though.
"the first spell cancels our danmaku and turns it solid. Because creating matter with magic is much more tiresome than using magic normally, this ensures that anyone who attacks is to tire easily" - I see... that explains someone taking a bite of the light spear.
"sitting ducks armed with rubber claws..." uh,huh, nice metaphor
Lia Seriako... but the hiragana read Lai Seriako! Ugh, yeah, I sweatdropped too.
The value of Pi... that's pure random. I only go as far as 3.141...
Ah, so Remilia has an evil twin huh? Evil twin rival? Ah, so much OC... can't wait to see where you're bringing this.
Oo... I see. Lia and Lai are different people. Sorry, just got confused a while back. :P
""those names contradict..."" rofl.
Teleportation? No fair! Ah well, seeing Remilia is on par with Sintaku with all her disadvantages, have to say my respect on her is rising.
Ah... so you're combining South-East Asian elements with Japanese... I see, interesting. That explains the Bisaya.
Yukari-Anabi... another Gensokyou-like realm... Cool.
Well, I didn't come looking for mistakes, but so far, seems okay to me. And no, I think around 5000 words per chapter is the optimum for writing stories online. It strains the eye more than reading books. And the introduction of OCs makes me need to adjust my imagination a bit, but so far, so good.
| nekokuro13 chapter 2 . 4/23/2012
Err... what was that in the beginning? Zurou ZUROU Zurocha... Nah, never mind, I have alter egos too... Say hello to Kuronekocha! *retreats after realising how lame that sounded.
Chase-scene. Ah... the ever-useful tool to set the pace and make adrenalines fire.
Nicely described battle. Brief and sufficient.
Am trying to adjust my mind into being accustomed to Olde Englisch. Oh, heck? Her name's Zurocha? Lol. Okay.
Tried saying Zurocha's real name 15 times without stopping. Got a a sore and bitten tongue. Okay... she's dreamy... I'll usually freak out if my travel companion suddenly started monologuing in
Old English. :P
Ah, what coincidence! I was just writing about Youmu in an alternate universe. I wonder how is the Youmu of this universe...Wait, so short?
Ah, battle again! Tense tense tense...
I knew it that Youmu's appearance weren't just cameo!
Overall, is trying to get to know the OCs better. So far so good. Nice ride.
| nekokuro13 chapter 1 . 4/21/2012
"As sudden as a cobra strike, blood bursts from the maid's nose like a jet,... smiling contentedly." Ouch. Rofl'd at this one. And my gosh... again? lorrrrrrrl.
Your description sounds fine, although maybe for the Prismriver sisters, you need not be repetitive. Just say that all three can operate their instruments without physical contact.
Oww... nosebleed again! How much blood did she have? *swoons and faints (not good with the sight of blood)
Okay, great description for Patchy. Lol Koakuma does get portrayed as a pervert in fan-ficts. Uh... swimsuit talk? I'm just a little child! XP Gah, Patchy in... beach apparel! Suggestiveness overload, mayday, mayday, I'm just a child!
Rofl pendulum swing. Heck yeah danmaku fight! Epic! Uh... Remilia with afro? lol!
Anyways not a bad chapter, although my personal tastes are again ecchi, I must say it was kinda amusing (the chapter I mean, the chapter!). Now having seen a danmaku battle in action, I can say that this chapter inspires me. Now I know how a danmaku fight look like in writing.
| WillieG.R chapter 11 . 4/11/2012
Wow, what an awesome chapter! Medicine has helped escape what could be the most vile magus Gensokyo has ever seen! But I'm sure she doesn't care one bit, especially when she grinned like that. She hates humans... Definitely hates them.
And finally, Reimu and Marisa set out. Seriously, they take lazy to the next level, though it's alright to be lazy. Still, Marisa's going to have a rougher time getting into the underground, so let's hope either the rules down there changed a bit, or that she doesn't run into many hostiles.
Poor Aya. That poor, poor tengu. Having to work with such evil and hard materials, using some questionable tools, while Meibilin has the GOOD STUFF with her. Still, Aya needs lots of tender loving care, and I hope that temporary shrine maiden delivers that. I can always give Aya a good pat on the head and a nice scratch behind the ears. She'll love that.
Sayu and Kotori in the Netherworld. Man, those stairs are long, but making it to the top to have three whole minutes taken away when pushed back? That must STING. Still, Yuyuko and Sayu are... they are TWINS! Thank GOODNESS they don't wear the same clothes, for they are THE SAME! Still, jokes aside, that thing with the Saigyou Ayakashi, that was epic awesome. Odd now, that the sword is the one that's become a youkai, and is the one chained to the "human" girl. What IS Sayu? And HOLY CRAP, SHE'S WEARING YUYUKO'S CLOTHES! I knew it! They are twins! I was as confused as poor Youmu and poor Kotori. Seriously, that was EVIL of them. Now, I WONDER what will happen next? With that evil poison mist covering Gensokyo, Reimu and Marisa both going after the source (while probably remembering about the Makai Spark), AND Sayu probably returning home to find this mist. This is so interesting. What what of those two girls playing such a LOVELY game (I wanna see!)? What DO the know about all that has happened?
| SorrowfulReincarnation chapter 11 . 4/8/2012
Oh my god, two Yuyukos.. My nightmares... they returned...
Poor Youmu. Having to deal with Yuyuko and Sayu must be quite confusing. Especially when they behave like they both are the real Yuyuko. You got me confused... which one was Yuyuko and which was Sayu-yuko? And is the world ready for two of that kind?
Anyways... so there is another Yukari. Kasumi Yukari. And she is a venom mage...
...if you don't mind, I'll go and hide myself somewhere. This is not going to be pretty... Medicine teaming up with another master of venoms. And... MAKAI SPARK? That's it, I'm hiding somewhere!
It seems also that Marisa was quite busy during the ten years since the Ten Desires incident... she became a Youkai, after all. Patchy is never going to have her books back now...
I'm fairly confused... what exactly is Sayu? She just got a sword through her chest, her own sword by the way, and is all calm and pulls it out... and then her age! She's no normal human, of that I'm sure...
This was another great chapter, and I'm looking forward to more.
Thanks for this new chapter