|Reviews for Facebook Official|
| Jebbiepink chapter 1 . 5/15
| monzepelmoon chapter 1 . 9/18/2013
CUTE! LOL I loved Hell-girl's confusion.
| Queen Kalana874 chapter 1 . 8/28/2013
CUTE! That is so something Arnold would do! :) :) :) Arnold hacking into her facebook to say they're in a relationship. How clever! I like this!
| Eleanor the great chapter 1 . 3/5/2013
Your strength is definitely your dialogue because your characterisation shines through it - i.e Helga's vocabulary is perfect, Phoebe's, *Rhonda's and *Lila's characters were also well drawn. The plot was fun, and I liked that you set it in college (because frankly Helga needs to calm down a bit before she actually goes out with Arnold in my view).
Now, a few things: do NOT EVER write 'the male' - 'she was standing toe to toe with the male' - don't do it, it sounds ridiculous like you're trying to be David Attenborough or something (maybe if you were doing a spoof, but otherwise no). Often less is more, I think you're learning not to tag all the dialogue but you're not quite there - honestly the only time you should tag them is when a character is being particularly emotional or it's a very long conversation with multiple speakers in which case tagging is necessary. Also 'large Maple' maybe something more like 'she lay against the trunk of a maple tree' - sometimes less is more - keep calm on the adjectives and adverbs - not every sentence needs them (Stephen King notoriously doesn't adverbs at all, but I wouldn't advocate going that far) Also watch your tenses. Apart from that awesome work and I thoroughly enjoyed it (Sorry for the crazy amounts of criticism - I studied literature and grammar at university, so I go a bit mental sometimes). Keep writing!
| kittykaittt chapter 1 . 12/30/2012
Her name is RHONDA and she's not african-american.
| Onee-chan-05 chapter 1 . 10/2/2012
That was the cutest damn thing I've ever read! I loved your use of the site and the characters! c:
| Jacal Ste. Worme chapter 1 . 3/9/2012
Well, who am I to miss out on this? CONGRATULATIONS, HELGA! xDDDD
Great piece! Write more! xD
| DarkEnigma013 chapter 1 . 1/21/2012
Lol. That was so cute.
| devious.editor chapter 1 . 11/22/2011
aaaw way to reference an overpopulated website in an excruciatingly cute manner.
| camakajojo97 chapter 1 . 10/16/2011
This is ammaaazzzziiinnnnggg! I love your writing!
| LycoRogue chapter 1 . 8/16/2011
OK, that was cute. Gives me an idea of my own one-shot tho... _
I just got a little confused at first, though, because I was reading "Rhonda" instead of "Rhoda" and then I saw "African-American" and was all...o.O But now I get it.
Good job for a first. _
| Butterfree chapter 1 . 8/16/2011
The title of the story sort of gave the ending away, but other than that, I loved it!
| Celeste Belle chapter 1 . 8/15/2011
That was AWESOME! Great job! I love it! :)
| Jake Nickleby chapter 1 . 8/15/2011
It was predictable, to say the least, but it had such a satisfying ending (!) that made up for it. Very sweet.
| The J.A.M. a.k.a. Numbuh i chapter 1 . 8/14/2011
I'm surprised that Helga didn't blow up at anyone, even Eugene. At most, she could have refused to look at her Facebook until the end of the day, when all of her work was done, and then her day would have dragged on with everyone congratulating her.
If she blew up at Arnold, he might have changed his mind and deleted his entry before she could look at it.