|Reviews for Konoha High SOON TO BE WAR|
| Foxykyuu15 chapter 6 . 1/5/2015
You have an awesome story in progress and I hope you can update soon! Although I'm not a fan of fem!Sasuke you make it work out, especially with the small harem. Despite what others might say about your Sasuta as a girl her emotions would be a different than as a male.
| BriEva chapter 1 . 11/1/2014
Hello, I'm Yessel's friend Brianna. She told me she had another friends who write Naruto Fanfictions so I had to check your's out.
But sadly...I couldn't get into the story. I'll try to be as polite as possible but this review may be harsh. I'm sorry.
1} Grammar: not really that huge of a deal, my stuff is also littered with grammar mistakes so I'm constantly going back and fixing it and am usually lenient when reviewing someone else. The one thing that I suggest is at least making sure all the names are capitalized. I think one or two were not.
2) OOC-ness: Giving a warning about a character's OOCness is just being polite. I have to say I was extremely upset with Sasuke's behavior until I read Hinata was a slut and it dawned on me you probably based this off of the Road to Ninja movie. Then again Hinata wasn't even a slut in RTN, just a tsundere. I'm not even going to go into a rant about slut-shamming.
3) Descriptions: this is something I had to learn the hard way when writing but I'll tell it to you straight up. LESS IS MORE! We all know what these characters look like, you don't need to go into too much detail when describing them, and also your descriptions are not dramatic enough. In fact it felt very mechanical to me when dragged me away from the characters.
4)The Setting: while it has extreme potential it's confusing me though this could just be because I've only read the first chapter which doesn't show a lot. I can understand the schooling system but it just seems wrong for a high school to be a stepping stone right into the military with human experiments going on. And to be the only school? That's just wrong on so many levels. If anything this educational system which is obviously based on the Ninja Academy system should have expanded. This school should have sister schools in other nations to make it not seem so bad because honestly if I lived in this would no way in hell would I let my friends or family go to this school at such a young age. I probably would be so much more lenient on it if this were a college rather then a high school, because then it only seems right for them to have the legal choice on if they are going to go to join the military or not.
Another thing is Kurama. So far that is the only mention of the supernatural in this story. why is that? How did Naruto learn that he had the fox? Who else know's? Are there other supernaturals in this?
The reason why I'm asking this is because I have a story of s similar setting, but it's heavy on the supernatural. It's set in a highschool modern day Elemental Nation's with demons and other creatures why also having a similar setting based on the Ninja Academy and the Mission System. You're free to check it out if you want, I too love feed back both good and bad. But just keep in mind it's mainly in Sakura's POV, which I don't know if you would like it.
5) POV: I cannot tell what POV this story is in. I think it's omniscient but I'm not sure because there were a couple of mention's of 'me' in it. This too dragged me out of the story. I usually write in 1st person, it's easiest for me, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy stories in other POV's. My opinion is if this in 3rd person try to keep a whole chapter written from Naruto's angel then another in Sasuke's or Ino's. I mean they are new to this school right? Do they know each other? If so how long? Did they meet in the hall before they came in? What does each individual think about Naruto? If this is in omniscient try to keep it objective and intentionally detached.
Finally, 6) The Plot: So the beginning is pushed and rough. Tsunade basically ordering Naruto to show these two girls not only around the school but also around town is just wrong. Around the school I can understand but town? Are Sasuke and Ino not from Konoha? Is the school separate from the city and has it's own townlife like a college campus? If anything...it could go like this it would have flowed better...
"Naruto runs into Ino and Sasuke one at a time before he rushes to Tsunade's office. Tsunade and him could talk about something else to foreshadow something in the plot and when Ino ans Sasuke walk in Naruto could over react thus causing Tsunade to tease him and heavily suggest he shows the girls around both at school and after."
That is a possible opening that you could have chosen. I made it as vague as possible.
I hope that this review helped you in your future writings.
| oghren chapter 2 . 3/6/2014
Interesting story though grammar is bad in spots. All in all it's good so keep up the good work.
| Hey gut facts chapter 4 . 7/27/2013
This was getting really intense, keep it coming man
| WorldofTanks10AB chapter 4 . 12/28/2012
Other than some grammar that could be fixed, nice work. I'm really looking forward to the next few chapters, so keep it up man.
P.S. Hana? Nice addition man! :)
| RONINCAV chapter 4 . 5/25/2012
Just got to say that I'm truly sorry that you had to go through so much negative bullshit. I hope you do continue with this story. O just started to read it and I got to say its really intriguing. I hope to see more from you and this story. Its kind of funny that Hinata is the bitch of the story but I guess you have your reason.
| Xuda chapter 4 . 4/28/2012
Adding my 2 cents: i like this story, doesnt feel like a naruto fic, but it's good anyway. I'll keep an eye out for the next chapter :)
| Amorous Grunty chapter 2 . 3/9/2012
I really like the idea of this. Oh yea I Don't Care is by Apocalyptica with Adam Gauntier, the lead singer of Three Days Grace singing.
| Alex Spotlight chapter 3 . 2/29/2012
Hey this story is pretty good. Countinue it please
| Spacecookie chapter 3 . 12/15/2011
Are you really "demanding" reviews and likes? You have some pair on you. This story is not only uninspired, but poorly written. If the community deems it unworthy then they have spoken, and you have to deal with the fact that you have written a sub-par entry. Either scrap it and redo it or give up, don't beg for hits and likes. This doesn't count as a review, by the way, as I am not repeating the problems this has. I'm sorry to say all this, and better luck next time
| dragonfuel01 chapter 1 . 12/15/2011
I personally find this story really good I however must say that this story could use some work. Good job thought
| BushidoTheEnlightenedPath chapter 1 . 9/17/2011
you should put hana in there and have a flashback to the night showing that they did have sex naruto then remembers and they get together. god story by the way.
| The Master Fletcher chapter 1 . 8/16/2011
I really like it! Is the story going to keep going after high school, into the war or will you end it?
| MetallicMilitia chapter 1 . 8/16/2011
Alright please listen to me if anyone wants to say anything about the story plot please, you have no clue where I'm headed with this. Also if you want to criticize me go ahead, but, not saying this to my last review, if your going to seriously hate on me for my wording and everything look at the note at the very bottom of this chapter. Become my Beta if you it so much. Anyway to my last review thank you i am taking that as helpful criticism, however do not say I am not motivated
| Spacecookie chapter 1 . 8/16/2011
Just another blah Naruto H.S. Story. Nothing great about it, I've read more inspired works with the same premise more or less. Just blahh blahh to me. Need to work on sentence structure and wording more than grammar and spelling.