|Reviews for Magical Chronicle Lyrical Nanoha: Photon|
| MicSham chapter 12 . 9/14/2014
I luv it, pls do continue! Ur story amaze me.
| xlheslydesux chapter 11 . 9/23/2013
this is really interesting...
| SapphoSensei chapter 12 . 8/26/2013
will look forward to it. I like the idea of exploring an older timeline for all the characters. There are not many stories here that do that.
| TacoKing23 chapter 11 . 8/20/2013
Well, you've certainly caught my attention with the story so far. I shall patiently wait for more.
And by the way, in the a previous chapter, you mentioned people not liking OC backstory arcs. That, I think, is because most authors do OCs poorly. You, however, seem to have done yours correctly. You've made them fit well in the canon universe, rather than shoving them into the story and expecting it to mold itself around them.
| SapphoSensei chapter 3 . 2/25/2013
In the first three chapters I have read I see a problem but one super easy to fix. Let me give you the example first:
"Thanks Einhart-chan! Thanks Onee-chan!" Vivio snickered. When you write dialog and you want to add a discriptor to indicate who spoke and how it sounded, you want to put that person on the same line, not the next person to talk. Above it is Alicia who is talking but you wrote it as if Vivio said it while snickering. This was especially confusing in chapter 2. Well worth taking the time to go though your chapters and just move things around a bit. For example:
"Thanks Einhart-chan! Thanks Onee-chan!."
"What're you talking about Alicia-chan? That's just from Ein-chan." Vivio snickered. Einhart felt a vein pop on her head.
Vivio snickered. "What're you talking about Alicia-chan? That's just from Ein-chan." Einhart felt a vein pop on her head.
Hope that helps.
Keep going as it is a fun story to read.
| SapphoSensei chapter 2 . 2/25/2013
I do have one funny question: Do emergency only happen at certain times of the day? Isn't the fact that it was unexpected one of the reasons it is an emergency? I would lose the part about it being early for an emergency. Maybe instead they could be surprised because it has been a long time since they had an emergency on the planet? I think that is more plausible.
Otherwise I like the OC very much and the way the story is progressing. So my comments are just little nitpicks really.
| SapphoSensei chapter 1 . 2/25/2013
Great read. Love little Alicia can see both Nanoha and Fate in her already. Enjoyed the race to school and what the mystery behind the X and the shooting star will be.
That said the song was a distraction inserted like that and the last line was anti climatic It seemed like Nanoha was the one talking since you referenced her and Yeah let's go! is just a bit blah for an emergency. Just my opinion.
| Rin Kuroki chapter 8 . 2/6/2013
Plz update this story is getting really good! w
| Red-Drive chapter 5 . 1/21/2013
Okay, let me just say, I loved what you did with Yuusei in this chapter. Sure he seemed Gary Stu as hell up until this point, but now we're seeing a new dimension. He paralleled Fate in the first series by owning Alicia, and now we have him being all happy and mischievous (like a certain white devil we all know) with his friend Koga, who I presume to be the group Hayate even tho her child went by the name Sora. Then again, they had more cells, so they could have made a second one without her. Interesting. Can't wait to see how you explain that one.
| Red-Drive chapter 4 . 1/21/2013
I skipped reviewing the last chapter, but here's my opinion on Yuusei: he better get curbstomped up the nile river against Nanoha because he is crossing dangerous gary stu territory. Bad past, new magic system, strong enough to at least fight Signum and run- he's getting there. Still, he IS Nanoha's son so that gives him an inch of wiggle room, but be careful of just how much you use that inch.
| Red-Drive chapter 2 . 1/21/2013
This was interesting. I think it's kind of an easy prediction to see that Yuusei is definitely the Nanoha of the new generation. I do however like that you've switched the roles around. Now it's Fate as the good guy and Nanoha as the bad guy pretty much. It kind of gives an interesting parallel of, "What would have happened if Nanoha and Fate's situations had been reversed?" You're doing an interesting job of carrying that out through your OCs. Then again, I don't even know if that's your intention. Nice.
| Red-Drive chapter 1 . 1/21/2013
Hi Kai, just returning the favor
Grammar is an issue here and there, but story wise this is pretty solid for an OC driven story. We've got the daughter, who is her own person rather than a generation xerox. I like the use of that song as well. It gives a nice rush to the scene just to show how chaotic the morning is. Good so far, definitely gonna go on.
| DarkSlayerNull211 chapter 4 . 2/19/2012
Wow, can't believe I missed this chapter for so long.
I have to say, I'm loving this. The story plot you came up with it's really refreshing, with great potential and the way you portray the characters feels pretty accurate. I just love Alicia, you made an excelent work with her.
Also, the reaper and witch siblings?. Nice. I've always believe they deserve more love, now that you included them I can't wait to see how things will play out.
Oh and, please don't take this the wrong way but, I love your user name, I think it is pretty cool.
Keep up the good work, I'm looking forward for what is to come.
| Shattered.World.Hollow.Sky chapter 4 . 1/10/2012
This is a seriously good story. An in-depth plot, likable characters, and realistic attitudes. Nice grammar and spelling too.
| Joylinda chapter 1 . 8/19/2011
I liked this story its definetly unique so ill be waiting for the next chapter!.
And was that a real song you inserted I feel like I heard the words but i'm not sure
And I really can't wait till you explain how Alicia is only Fates biological daughter.I wonder if its one of those experiments and she got caught my poor Fate-Chan lol.