|Reviews for Corin|
| JordanMathias chapter 53 . 2/16/2014
Sorry I've missed a few chapters but this is some amazing work you've done. Especially with all the new characters. I find your Empress Celene how I expect dragon age to portray her. Also you have me on emotional roller coasters with Corin, with Anora, Morrigan, and with Henriette you could obviously see something happening. Amazing
| Shadow Tricked chapter 53 . 2/13/2014
Ahh please update again soon lol had to re read the last chapter to male sure I was up to date
| Guest chapter 53 . 2/7/2014
Nerissa seems a bit underpowered for a Senior Enchanter. She's got the full Primal Line, the 3 to Spell Might in Spirit, and Mind Blast. BTW, there's no Spirit Blast or Burning Hands in DAO-I imagine those spells are your invention. I count about 20-21 spells, and you can have up to 35 in Origins. The Arcane Warrior/Shapeshifter specs can be pretty tough, but your sustainables will drop when you might spend some more time learning spells if she plans to go to Awakenings.
| FernandelDeLaFrance chapter 53 . 2/6/2014
Well, this is quite an interesting story! I've very much enjoyed this so far, though I do have some quibbles here and there, and there quite a few weaknesses that I find distracting. So far, I find myself looking past them or enjoying the story despite ot it, but if they start accruing, I could easily find myself more and more distracted by them. Let's see if I can clearly explain what I mean...
One of the great strengths of this story is the fact that its characters are so incredibly multi-faceted. Examples that immediately come to mind being, of course, Anora, Cailan, Eamon and a few of the Warden's companions.
The canon's original idea of Anora as the manipulative, opportunistic ice queen is made so much more interesting by showing her as a woman frustrated by her husband's infedility and general insouciance, and her own inabilty to conceive and secure her own position is a generally hostile world. And her fears of being betrayed and left again by her new husband, or to be unable to improve the lot of her subjects.
Of all the characters in this story, I find the way that Cailan is presented to be the most fascinating. Quite an achievement, considering that he is long dead and the exploration is done posthumously. In some ways, he quite clearly is an example of human weakness: manipulated by his wife and his father-in-law, inconsiderate of his wife's feelings, generally unconcerned with the tasks and trials of governance, willing to selfishly abandon his wife for someone else, even if it's not to his kingdom's benefit, and apparently not giving a hoot about his half-brother's mistreatment.
But then again, he is portrayed as a brave man, honourably dying standing with his boots on, and more than willing to go to his death knowing that he is quite likely going to be betrayed by his closest advisor - sneakily taking countermeasures to ensure that the plot comes crashing down around Loghain's ears at the same time. He seemed to care about Corin and Alistair enough to keep them out of harm's way, and though he was a terrible husband and king, he was also a dear friend to Anora and beloved by his subjects.
It paints Cailan in a very... human way. A true person with more faults and just enough goodness, and it makes things difficult to understand. Especially because he has such a large impact on the characters now, even after his death. For writing the character so exquisitely well and offering a fresh new eye on him, I salute you.
Eamon, of course, is equally interesting to watch in action and deed. Well-meaning man hindered by his friend's insouciance, his wife's jealousy, and his ignorance of the true horror of the Grey Wardens' customs? Or someone who is so used to manipulating events for his own gain that he forgot to remember that people are more than chess pieces? Or both? Arguments could be made for either side, and it's interesting to see the results of his actions unfold in the story. Again, I am genuinely impressed.
Your treatment of Alistair, Morrigan, Zevran, Sten, and Leliana are equally interesting, though of course their roles and impact on the story are far more minor (with the exception of the first, obviously). It's the little stories you tell as the story goes on that show *why* they are so loyal to Corin - and their interactions with each other - that make them so human and lifelike. Zevran's gratitude to Corin dragging him out of his death wish; Morrigan thawing slowly and finally falling in love; Sten's earnest respect for Corin's skill and his honest, blunt camaraderie; Leliana's cheerfulness and loyalty; and of course Alistair's equal honesty with his anger and friendship alike, and his indomitable brotherhood with Corin.
Corin, interestingly enough, is something of a mixed bag for me. He is a clear representation of the player character, and that brings both troubles and boons. One of the major ones is that he has all the potential to become what is so commonly known as a Gary/Marty Stu. He has all the traits for it: martial skill, handsome looks, a canny intellect, a political mind, charisma... It's acceptable because he *is* the player character, after all, and he wouldn't have been able to achieve all he did in canon without it.
And I do like Corin. I like his complete honesty, his occasional roguishness, the fact that he is intelligent enough to make clear plans and play the savvy politician... I like smart characters, and he is earnest in all he does and thinks, no matter whether it is bedding his wife-to-be, calling out his friends, controlling his hatred, playing the Landsmeet like a fiddle, and begging a goddess for help. I like that about him.
I still have to say, however, that things seem to be going far too smoothly. The main problem with the Marty Stu is, of course, that he has a tendency to slove problems and drama with little conflict and far too much ease. I liked the fact that Corin can make Anora happy and improve things in Ferelden, but I do hope that he won't have an easy time with it.
In the future, I hope that the conflicts he and his companions will face will involve conflict, drama, and dangers that can't be easily solved. I can foresee the seeds of several strands of plot that you could already laid: the brewing Mage/Templar conflict, the taut Ferelden/Orlais dispute, the future Thedas/Qunari War, the Thaw Hunt, and of course, the internal conflicts between the "old/new" Grey Wardens.
And to make *any* of these plots interesting, you'll have to make sure that none of them are easily resolved. Hundred-year-old grievances don't end overnight; a system of government doesn't change because someone says it will; and a single letter won't sway an empire. If Corin is able to waltz through all these problems, then the story will more boring for it.
Two more things that I think are important to mention: one, your battle scenes. Two, your propensity to focus on minor characters and OCs.
A lot of the battle and fight scenes are surprisingly... well, subpar when compared to the rest of the story. The friendly banter is great. The pillow talk is great. The emotional conversations? Well done. Your battle scenes? Just above-average, forgive me for saying so.
...Alright, that's uncessarily harsh. They are quite entertaining. The battle with the Archdemon was very well done, especially when Nerissa joined in to wreak havoc. There was tension there, certainly, especially when Corin jumped in to slay the Archdemon. And you were quite able to portray the brutality of "medieval" fighting; I especially liked the sword-and-shield spar between Corin and Alistair.
But unfortunately, there was little doubt in me that Corin would survive his fight, because his survival was quite obviously the key to the story (unless it suddenly turned into a tragedy), but especially because he'd done the deed with Morrigan. So a certain lack of tension was prevalent throughout the battle scenes in the last chapter. But I can commend you for making things far more tense than usual in DA fanfiction with the speculation about an Archdemon's nature, the sacrifices a Grey Warden must make, and Corin's coma and vision.
Overall, it's clear that this story is focussed more on the inter-personal relationships and politicking than the fighting. You write it well, so I certainly can't fault you! But a little more action and violence, a little less talking, and a lot more tension and uncertainty in your battle scenes would improve them a lot, if you ask me.
The other thing that may become a worrying trend is the fact that you introduced quite a few OCs and greatly expanded the importance of minor characters (like Fergus, Anora, and Eleanor). Again, this has added greatly to the story so far, and you have done it well. My concern is that these new character will "steal the show" from the canon characters, so to speak, now that their work is done. And that would be a shame, honestly.
I've known quite a few stories that began well and ended badly because they began to take the focus away from the canon characters we knew, straying into unknown territory that was no fun to read bout with characters that turned out to be less interesting. This certainly isn't a criticism, but a warning! You write very well; neglecting the original characters would be a shame. Find them a role in the future plots you build, I say, and I will be happy to read about all the other characters as well, no matter whether you invented them or added to them.
I think I've said all I wanted to say. I have enjoyed this story immensely so far. I enjoy seeing Corin's and Anora's happiness. I like watching the little spitfire Enchanter cut a swathe through court, not to mention her awkward courtship with Alistair. I like listening to the friendly conversations. I like the fight scenes when they are actually fighting (and not talking too much). In short, I'm quite fond of this story!
Here's hoping that it will continue to be as interesting as before! I look forward to seeing more of it.
Hope you're doing well, and yours sincerely,
| MobMentality chapter 53 . 2/4/2014
It's been a while since I've felt compelled to read three hundred thousand words in 24 hours. This is a brilliant piece of fanfic by any standard, and I'm glad I stumbled upon it. When I started reading and found it was set only a few weeks before the Landsmeet, I was skeptical about how you could possibly pace such a long story that would presumable only cover up until the royal marriage and end of the blight, but it did not drag in the slightest, and the new challenges facing Corin and Anora are gripping. I'll probably soon be replaying Dragon Age as a male Cousland because of you.
| mille libri chapter 53 . 2/4/2014
There's no end to Corin's statecraft - Eleanor must be bursting her buttons with pride at how well she and Bryce trained him and how far he must have exceeded their expectations. (Any chance of a section from her POV in the next chapter?) And I love the final image of Corin and Anora laughing in each other's arms. I can see the whole scene vividly in my mind's eye. Lovely update!
| Drenagon chapter 53 . 2/2/2014
A marriage that starts with laughter - definitely a good way to begin. I've just read three chapters I don't think I've read before so I'm probably going to be getting lots of things mixed up here... I really love Agnetha and her faith, it comes across as very deep and certain without being obnoxious. She's going to be a very good friend to a new King, I should think. Certainly she manages to disagree with him very politely! It's good to see Nerissa and Cauthrien have that discussion, I think it will do both of them good to have someone else they can talk to about these things. Cauthrien is certainly going to need someone to help her through her life now that she hasn't died the way she expected to. Also, is it bad that I really want Nerissa to end up with Alistair? I think they'd make an amazing couple, although I know that politically it would be a bit of a disaster.
Anora seems very real to me in this chapter, with her concerns about Corin's fidelity and his youth. She's clearly been very damaged by her former marriage and it's so realistic that those worries won't just fade away because Corin's beginning their relationship so well.
Finally, on a completely unrelated note, I borrowed your version of Elrohir and Elladan (after a fashion) for a fic over on AO3 the other day - I hope you don't mind and thank you for the inspiration :)
| SuperGravyMan chapter 53 . 2/1/2014
I nearly thought we were in for a plot twist when you mentioned "the last ride of the Crown Prince" haha. But luckily for all involved, 'twas not the case, and we've arrived at the first of many interesting pairings you've been building towards for as long as I can remember.
Which reminds me, it's great to have you back! I'm glad you're feeling better, and I hope that this new year brings with it a new brand of healthfulness that keeps you well the whole year round.
And while we wait to see how that works out, maybe we'll see another chapter or two, eh? :)
See you next time,
| Tracy chapter 53 . 2/1/2014
I smiled so widely upon this chapter. The golden roses emblems all over Corin...hee, perfection. I love how naughty he is and I love how Anora let loose too :D Thanks for updating this, one of my beloved DA Fanfic. Hopefully you are better too from the sick.:)
| Mike3207 chapter 53 . 1/31/2014
I totally missed Alistair being named Arl of Amaranthine Nathaniel is still alive though, he might have a legitimate claim.
| asolitaryrose chapter 53 . 1/31/2014
Aaaah I had missed these two! And Corin is still unbelievably charming, I loved his outfit for the wedding, bless his heart. The end of this chapter was delightful. Are we going to have the wedding night in later chapters? ;)) Also, sorry to hear you were sick! I hope you're taking good care of yourself, and welcome back!
| ElyssaCousland chapter 12 . 1/30/2014
I just have to say, I just started reading this and it is wonderful. I can't say I like Anora - I rather like shoving Alistair as king in her face - but your portrayal is compelling. And I sincerely like Corin. I can't wait to read more!
And by the way - thank you for understanding that there is spelling, and grammar, and that they are important :)
| l7986 chapter 53 . 1/30/2014
Man you don't know how happy I was when I opened my email and saw an update notice for this story. As per usual this chapter was perfect and I can't wait to see what happens next.
| Mike3207 chapter 53 . 1/30/2014
So-the lords clearly suspect that Henriette is there in part to marry one of the leading men in the 's the reason for the insistance on marrying a Ferelden for Alistair, and one from the top houses. Their problem is threefold-there's really no reason anyone would pick Habren over Henriette, Henriette outranks Habren-I believe, and Alistair can be real muleheaded when he gets in one of his moods. If anything, Habren's behavior toward Nerissa is going to make their job harder.
A very nice gesture toward the Alienage. Corin really did a whole lot today to boost his popularity.
I've still not managed to get the Blight-Queller trophy in all my playthroughs.
A very nice ending for the chapter. I do hope you will do a Awakenings sequel after this one is complete.
| Eclipse1234 chapter 53 . 1/30/2014
The end of this chapter had me grinning from ear to ear.