|Reviews for When They Were Young|
| aloof-kokiri chapter 11 . 5/10/2013
The idea is cute, but the poor writing kind of ruins it. The run on sentences are outragious. You should ask maybe ask for more help?
I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be rude or flame, but...
You do have sweet ideas and if they could be presented better you could go pretty far! I could always help if you need it.
In any case, good luck!
| TheViolaBuddy chapter 11 . 3/22/2013
I'm going to be blunt with you, so I hope you won't be offended: this was a poorly-written fanfic. I found it from TV Trope's fanfic recommendations page, but I honestly don't think it belongs there.
Now that I've potentially offended you, I suppose that I should explain. I mean that the writing style is bad, not necessarily the story itself. For example, there are numerous grammatical faults. The primary issue is with punctuation and run-on sentences: in a sentence, there can only be one subject and one verb (though a verb may be made of multiple words, like "is running"), unless there is a conjunction (like "and," "but," "or," "although," "after," "before," "as," etc.), a dash, a colon, or a semicolon separating the clauses. Similarly, you need commas pretty much everywhere that you would pause when speaking - you have a lot of sentences that just go on and on without a breath point.
There are also a lot of typos (such as missing quotation marks), but I assume that you recognize them and would fix them if you went back and reread your story another time.
On a broader scale, your characterization is also slightly melodramatic - the characters display an emotion that is greatly exaggerated from a realistic reaction. For example, I feel that after Ilia finds Link, she becomes overly fixated on trying to help him. The solution to melodrama, though, isn't necessarily to reduce the emotion, but to present it in a way that's believable: yes, Ilia wants to help Link assimilate into Ordon society, but she might think about other things, as well.
Beyond that, though, the story itself wasn't too bad, since it was about how Link escaped from an orphanage and found himself attracted to a loving household. The premise is fine; it's just the execution of it - in particular, the grammatical errors in your story - that prevent it from being a decent or good fanfic.
| Knight of Wings chapter 11 . 3/5/2012
Not bad. I enjoyed the story, but I feel that it was at time kind of disjointed. Nonetheless I do like the premise of your story. I am looking forward to the sequel.
| PhantomGirl12 chapter 11 . 2/8/2012
| Speil chapter 5 . 2/8/2012
I love the story concept and the way it's moving along so far, but it's so hard to read. I need to put in my bit of criticism here and it's most likely the thing that is scaring away your viewers. You have a major case of run-on sentences. Run-ons make it awkward to read and usually scare people away from fanfiction. This is a good story otherwise.
| lookalike chapter 4 . 2/5/2012
hi i love those stories and i sure like this one so please update soon dont abandon
| woooooow chapter 4 . 1/23/2012
please dont stop writhing
| Ananab chapter 3 . 12/15/2011
Love the story!
| Magikarpet chapter 1 . 11/21/2011
I would like to thank you. I haven't received a review in months and I pretty much quit fanfiction.
In the next few days I will finish up my story. After that, I think I'll start a seperate account and continue making stories. They will be decent length chapters finally.
Also, great story and I hope to see more soon.
(If it means anything anymore. XD)
| PhantomGirl12 chapter 1 . 8/19/2011
Great chapter! Please update soon! _ Also, the Zelda Wikia has some ages of the villagers.