|Reviews for Someone to Enjoy Life With|
| Darifica chapter 1 . 3/24/2013
Sorry, but you really need to work on your writing it seems. You should use a beta if you intend to post more stories, at least until you've improved a little. There are many things you should work on, but the most important thing to remember is to NEVER EVER write something like 'w/out' or 'w/' when writing a story. That's chat speech and is not acceptable in story telling.
Next problem: Instead of writing "'Na… sensei. Can you transform into human form?"
Natsume suddenly asked. "
it's a lot better and more correct to write like this: "Na… sensei. Can you transform into human form?" Natsume suddenly asked.
with NO line breaks AKA extra spaces.
You sometimes use words that don't fit into the context or just write things that don't make a lot of sense and forget some punctuation, like here: "You don't know but I'm really good looking in my original human form…" which could be changed into: "You wouldn't know since you haven't seen it yet, but I'm really good-looking in my original human form."
(Although personally I don't remember Madara ever having mentioned anything about having an 'original human form' since he is 100 % youkai, but whatever, it's your story.)
And this: "This Natsume today is indeed, weird." sounds a lot better as "Natsume is indeed weird today." or if you're writing in past tense, like you seem to have intended to do with this story, this is a better option: "Natsume was indeed weird today" or alternatively: "Natsume was indeed acting weird." I'm not too sure about the first option, since I don't know if 'today' can be used like that in past tense, but the latter option is acceptable.
"Since when did he told him 'sorry'? They're always fighting right?" is incorrect as well. It should be: "Since when had he started saying 'sorry'? They were always fighting, right?" (I THINK it's grammatically correct like this. 'Since when' is a little tricky to use, so you can ask a beta if you wish to clarify it, but I know that like this it's at least not completely wrong and it's a much better way of writing that sentence.)
I would also change this: "'Sorry…" the boy said w/out looking to the fat cat." into "Sorry..," the boy said without looking at the fat cat.
I'm irritated with myself, since I can't remember what they're called right now, but those small words like at/by/with.. it wouldn't hurt to practice them a little.
Also, remember not to go back and forth between time tenses. This is a common mistake on this site.
For example, if you don't want to write the whole story in present tense, you could write: "He didn't want to talk to Natsume for the moment, because he knew he was mad at him." without the quotation marks, of course.
Despite all these errors, I did like your idea for the story and it was really sweet. It's just grammar that you need to work on.
Ah yeah, I know this review has gotten extremely long, but lastly, I just want to mention that I'm definitely not trying to be mean or judge you by saying all this. I'm simply giving you constructive critisism and I hope you'll take it as something positive, because I wrote this to help you out with your writing and so that you can avoid possible flamers in the future, that's all. I am not a beta or a pro in any way, but I've tried my best to share what knowledge I have with you. I'm very sorry if this offended you in any way, but like I said, I only wish to help! So I hope you won't take it the wrong way. Anyway, good luck in the future! :)
| Pyrane chapter 1 . 2/10/2013
| violindreamer chapter 1 . 12/8/2011
| lovelymokona chapter 1 . 8/27/2011
Warm. Sweet. Cute.
Hope you would write more about them.
| whitemisstress chapter 1 . 8/25/2011
AAAAAWWWWWW THAT! was sooo extremely cute. So simple but complex at the same time, love this Natsu ff. Kyaaa! I adore Nyanko-sensei