|Reviews for Digimon Advent|
| KumoFuzei chapter 12 . 7/11/2014
It's been so long since I reviewed. I'm so sorry, but I want to read up to chapter 14 before you update and stuff so I'm not behind.
I wonder who this Takeshi is. I can't remember him, but it has been a while after all xD.
The scene between him and Gloria was quite good and it set up the story. However, it did have me believing they'll be quite important later on. The scene had a good ending too. Spooky!
I only vaguely remember 11 but I think I'm getting back into it. By the way, wow 15k words. This review might be too long for the limiter.
Jasper and Leo are deepening. I like it.
Brian's speech is good, I really hear it. Also, there a few mistakes without that could be easily corrected. All SPAG ones, I haven't seen any plot holes.
Vii, very clever. I also like that Marina is back now, it feels like a long time since we saw her.
I love Laelapmon, I forgot how much. Laxatives in Manimons pancakes, genius xD.
I'm surprised by the swears but they felt appropriate and were used sparingly.
I also love Manimon. The Digimon personalities are the highlight of this story. So many people, myself included, can't create strong personalities for Digimon. I actually laughed at Manimon's speech more than once in this chapter. Elfinmon and him are the perfect pairing. It's a shame Joey and Darren don't gel as well.
I bet it's Raijumon has been causing the power plant problems. I also think there may be others.
Oh, you just went and made him a sympathetic thief. Nice job, I don't usually fall for these saps in other stories.
So is the little girl a human or a Raijumon? Ahh, human and that's a sad story too. Dammit, nice job.
Him protecting her felt very real. He was a real parent who didn't want to lose his little girl and felt hurt because he knows he isn't quite enough for her and isn't ready to accept it.
A strong ending but the mistakes increased as the story went on. I think perhaps this chapter would have been better split up into smaller chunks so you could focus and add a little more to each. I did, however, love it and am surprised I read something so long all in one go. Nice job!
| KumoFuzei chapter 11 . 4/16/2014
It's been far too long since I dropped a review so I'm going to now. I think the initial beginning is a little slow and overuses exposition a little. I'd liked to have seen it worked into the narrative a little more. Although it is certainly an interesting start to a chapter.
I like how it isn't all happy family. It's an interesting dynamic to use and a fairly uncommon one at that. Your description of actions is very strong and I love it. It shows emotion without troublesome adjectives that don't always convey what you want to accurately. This is something I'm quite jealous of.
The meaning of the resistance was a strong one and the scene was played brilliantly. Your use of speech was perfectly measured. You may have overused ellipsis's(sp?) a little.
I really liked Skyler's backstory. It had me enthralled for the most part. It got a little confusing when the light began but you quickly recovered for a solid ending.
"had ever laid his eyes on"* perhaps?
It was both a nice character development and a good plot idea to have Skyler ask for them to stop. Clever thinking.
I found the section with the Digimon a little confusing but that could just be because I haven't read this in a long time.
A nice scene with Sastrugamon. Followed by a scene that really did it's job and got me angry and disliking your villains. Nice work and good descriptions.
I love the use of a cryptic message as foreshadowing but I'm too tired to try and decipher it.
Brilliant section with Tarockmon. Loved it, love him, love the plot and character developments.
Nice scene with Ziva too. Very good for character development.
Very interesting developments with the invasion.
"Taking a deep breath, Diebmon jumped off the cage and landed was a loud thud on his back, a pained groan escaping from him." Doesn't make full sense. Good plot solution that didn't feel like an asspull.
The whole beating heart thing leads me to believe a tamers d-reaper or Digimon is at the core of the building and being used for the virus and/or the building's power. Very interesting about Tarockmon.
"was all that remain." remained*
A really sad ending but one that's kind of nice because it's realistic. Good work.
You really excell at speech for sure. At time your jump around POV's a little.
I'll be reading on a little more soon :)
| Virvendir chapter 14 . 11/18/2013
I really enjoyed this episode and the moment Raijumon evolved and during the battle I actually got goose bumps. The atmosphere of the batte was great, but I hope little Monica doesn't get nightmares from seeing her dad almost die. The detail with Raijumon seeing her mothers spirit was a nice touch, too. But what I liked most about the battle was that the damage done by the electricity sounds believable. From Dvergamon's metal parts attracting it too the fact that poor CuSithmon/Lealapmon suffered internal damage and (thank goodness only tempoarary thanks to the medicine) lost her eyesight because of it. The cut was evil though, I hope Joey, Manimon and Elecmon made it out in one piece.
The digital world as you described it sounds very nice, at least the part that wasn't wrecked by the parasite. What are the chances of you getting me some of those wind chime bell flowers? The sage sure likes to shroud himself in mystery and I do wonder who this colleague could be. It sounded like they are gone, so maybe it could've been Joey's grandfather but aah, I let you surprise me.
With the tid-bit about ArchAngels D-Drives being just as real as the ones from the digital world, just how deep into all that is ArchAngel already? I assume copying those needs a lot of 'inside' information about how the 'real' ones are created ect.
I'm curious how the story and the characters will develop further,especially if it comes true, what Tarockmon told Manimon or not.
| ghostmuffin chapter 14 . 11/18/2013
great chapter! the story is definitely keeping me guessing, i have no idea what's coming next, and i really like that!
also, the descriptions of the digital world in particular were fantastic, i really like the imagery you used. keep up the amazing work, m' dear!
| BlackHawkNova chapter 14 . 11/18/2013
And so we get to see further into what's actually going on with the Digital World. How interesting that Arch Angel are distributing proper D-Drives; I wonder who's working behind the scenes there. Or furthermore, who the Sage's 'colleague' is/was.
The rest of the chapter was fantastic as well. You guys really aren't pulling any punches, are you? I had to stop reading for a moment when I realised Laelapmon had been blinded. I'm liking Monica and Raijumon more and more, they have a really unique and touching relationship.
Is it weird that I still kind of feel sorry for Teslamon? I mean he was kind of a dick last episode, but nobody deserves to go through that. The virus sounds incredibly painful.
Finally...yay! Barghestmon's back!
| FrostRaven32 chapter 2 . 11/6/2013
I just started reading this recently and I have to tell you, this is amazing. Very well done, my friend
| MonochromeReverie chapter 12 . 2/21/2013
awesome job, as ever! i'm so glad to see Raijumon and Monica make their appearance- i think they'll be a great addition to the (already awesome!) cast, with their unique little familial bond. i love them! ;-;
| OMAC001 chapter 12 . 2/17/2013
Great story. Please update soon.
| KumoFuzei chapter 10 . 12/31/2012
She had stood over he and Skyler" him*
"and back off, stepping down."
"to the point he
"allie's stomach." ally's* I think...
Amazing chapter, it created great emotions and had a great narrative. Despite the length I didn't once feel bored or tired of reading. It was thoroughly entertaining and I look forward to the next chapter. Neon and Joey's scene in particular was well done.
| KumoFuzei chapter 9 . 12/27/2012
You infodump a lot here, it flows well but maybe try and be more gentle with working information into the story in future.
"black clothes forming over her" it would be either: "black clothes formed over her" or "black clothes were forming over her"
"he prepared to for a risky" too*
It was a very touching moment where the Mojyamon were left behind, nicely done.
"forgotten about Sastugamon in the rush to save Yalimon, " tru*
I loved the ending with Ikkakumon creeping up on them :D
Great ending, great storyline - like usual - and just a good chapter. I'll move on to the next one and I hope my review gives a bit of an idea of how much I enjoy your story.
| BlackHawkNova chapter 9 . 10/20/2012
Well, second time reading through this, and I think it's just as good as the first time.
I'll start with the villains, although I'm not completely sure who the real antagonists are yet. By the way, that's a good thing; keeping the audience guessing is a sign of clever writing.
All the characters feel natural; there are no stereotypes here. Sastrugamon comes across as a villain by necessity rather than choice, and I feel more and more sorry for the diminishing army.
The banter between the Agents and their Digimon was very nicely done. The Agents talk and act like actual human beings, which certainly makes them more likeable. Out of the group, I particularly like Minkmon, although Leo's good as well.
The Resistance are also good here, but they seem to be more in the background in this episode. Stratosmon is awesome though.
The writing is also very well done again. The action is appropriately frantic, but I always knew what was going on at any point, which is the important thing. It's also nice that background characters are getting a little focus here and there; the farewell to the Mojyamon was very touching.
I am definitely looking forward to the finale of this arc. I'm intrigued as to Yalimon's involvement, and to what Arch Angel have planned.
I have a bad feeling about the fates of Medusamon and Sastrugamon...
| KumoFuzei chapter 8 . 8/23/2012
Wow, I have so much to say. It opens and the sadness I felt was really real, beautifully done and you kept Kid so mysterious it left me wanting more and more. As always the story is beautifully crafted and so many people, including myself, could learn a lot from the way you write. It is leaps and bounds above the average of this site, and seems pretty professional, if I'm honest. I had wished that you had produced this chapter quicker but I, more than most, understand how real life can get in the way and delay writing but thanks for finally producing it anyway. I noticed this phrase: "was for a loss for words", I'm pretty sure you meant for the first "for" to be "at", since I hear that more often but maybe that's colloquial :) I also spotted "has body half-twisted", I think you meant "his"? And "fairy tails", I think you meant "tales"?, also "the 'guards' back out of the room" backed*? :), and "from one a repair toolbox on one of the crates", from a repair* I actually love Amy in the basement scene, it sent shivers down my spine :D, "slamming bodily into a car" her body slamming into a car/slamming into a car*?, "pain-racked" wracked*?, "Hold out one hand" he held out*?, "fiery" firey*?, "Yes, quiet." quite*? Brilliant descriptions, just in general a lovely chapter. I just wish more people read it and that it was a show :)
| BlackHawkNova chapter 8 . 8/19/2012
Just finished reading Chapter 8, and frankly, this has been my favourite of the chapters so far.
The strongest part of the whole fiction for me is the characters. Each one is well fleshed out and, more importantly, feels natural, and the interactions between them are well written and totally believable. The relationship between Laelapmon and Amy is particularly touching, and so far they are my favourite pairing.
I'm also pleased to see relationships for the villains as well as the main characters and allies. Sastrugamon and Medusamon go together really well, and Medusamon is definitely my favourite character; coming across as a very human villain.
The writing is solid and descriptive, and I can easily visualise the scenes. A simple standout is the aftermath of Marina and Darrens battle, which is incredibly shocking and comes across as such. The battle scenes are also particularly well done.
There is very little wrong with this story, but there is one potential issue. The plot is so far progressing well, but there are an awful lot of things to follow, and it's only been 8 episodes. Arch Angel, the virus, Barghestmon, the resistance and SysOpmon, Kid and the mysterious incident a thousand years ago. Adding that to developing each character and it can sometimes be hard to keep track of where everything is, especially for the first few episodes, where I sometimes got confused. I'm a real fan of clever plotting, but it is incredibly hard to do and I really hope you pull it off with this story.
Overall, I'm really enjoying it so far. It's well-written, clever and intense, and I can't wait to see the story develop. Well done!
| KumoFuzei chapter 7 . 6/25/2012
Yet another amazing chapter! Makes me wish your story was a tv show xD Absolutely loved it, got nothing bad to say and am looking forward to the next chapter :D
| KumoFuzei chapter 6 . 6/24/2012
I absolutely loved it, one of the few stories I can happily read despite how long the chapters are(compared to most stories). Keep it up, can't find anything at all wrong with it and it's really enjoyable!