I'm so glad how you decided to write this chapter! My very first review (which I looked up out of curiosity, will be 6 years ago next month!) I said something about wanting to see how James and Sirius would feel when they finally realize the reason for Remus's disastrous transformation the month they found out. And at long last, the satisfying discovery is unveiled!
Poor, poor Remus. Was it mostly coincidence that led to this overwhelming nausea this month? Or was there another contributing factor that made things turn out differently this way?
His pain and inability to do anything but accept his situation is just terrible. My favorite line is "the air came back out in a silent scream that faded to something that could have been a sob, if there had been strength enough to form one.” It's so wonderfully awful!
Thank goodness for Madam Pomfrey's quick arrival and constant caring assistance. I truly adore her so much, and can't wait to see more about her.
Reading the aftermath of this transformation and the little things like testing his shoulder for broken bones after reading the painful chapter five of In Desperate Measure... gahhh. It's so brutal that he has to cope on his own in such horrid circumstances! I'll need to try to focus on how he has her right now, instead of dwelling on that. But I can't help but think of it!
One thought I've had in a few different chapters - after rereading DH, I got a reminder of just how tiny the tunnel is. How could that possibly work for when Remus is older and needs to get there before his transformations, let alone when Madam Pomfrey needs to maneuver him out on a stretcher without causing any further pain.
Remus's paralyzed limbo state definitely does make sense in context of the effects of anesthesia! I'm so glad he's heard it all, though.
James's worries and Sirius's earnest attempts to reassure him are so wonderful. James's comment how he wishes he could forget the morning they confronted him... I'm sure someday he'll gain more horrifying memories as the war goes on, but for a long time that terrible image of his injured friend will haunt him for a long time. Especially with the revelation about to occur to him and Sirius...
Sirius really is right that it'd be so hard for them to see Remus go through another hard moon. But ooh, James's comment about what it would do to Remus to hurt anyone. That can only make me think about The Incident - the risk of how both Severus and James could have been hurt so so easily, despite what Sirius says that Remus would never hurt his friends. He was thinking about them as Animagi I'm sure, but the dramatic irony in those two lines back to back!
Oh man, the way talking about Elsie's kitten led to Jams both actually contemplating the details of what being Animagi could involve, and stumbling across the reason that transformation was difficult for Remus. James's righteous anger about hearing about the kitten when Sirius should have realized that upsetting Remus made the transformations worse... that and Sirius's contrition once he realizes now. Both so painful and angsty to read!
But oh man. None of that angst compares to James putting it together. That whole part is highlighted in my PDF, because it's so beautifully painful to read and I need it saved...
“The first one, the worst one,' James lamented. His voice was muffled, as if buried in his arms. 'When he almost… when he might have… it was us. It was us, Sirius.” His reaction to finding out is just perfectly done. I can just imagine the look on his face - if you could see it buried in his arms that is. I'm so glad they finally know, because the angst payoff is just as satisfying as I'd always wanted. Sirius's near inability to say anything... gah, it's just perfectly painful.
And then James agreeing they'll become Animagi. That quote is also highlighted, because I love every single bit of it from James voice being taut as he tries to fight tears, the resolution that any single solitary chance is worth helping Remus through his pain, and his repeated fever pitch of telling Sirius "you're right." Dear James...
I'm glad Remus couldn't move despite all of his efforts and determination, as it made sense that Madam Pomfrey's spell would hold and it works well that this conversation is resolved just between Sirius and James. Now that both of their iron wills are solidly aimed towards this goal, it's no wonder they inevitably succeed!
All of the trouble Sirius lists as worth risking to help Remus... obviously they never get caught, but I have to wonder what could've happened if they had been. Many AU potentials there... and I know Sirius would still have found it just as worth it for him, and now James understands just how much it is too. These precious wonderful boys, I'm going to cry at how loyal they are.
Now that Remus is awake and moving again... his thought about the pain of the cramp enticing the wolf to gnaw at his leg is very angstily interesting! I wondered for a second how Madam Pomfrey could have known what he was thinking, but then she just saw him turn away and told him not to be ashamed "whatever his thought was" so all she knew was how to recognize misplaced shame. I love her so much!
Peter's arrival! I love the fact that he wasn't present for the earlier revelation was due to their determination to take notes for Remus. It's so interesting that Remus briefly wondered if James and Sirius's realization then was a dream - though I wonder what it meant that “it had not gone in the way his imaginings usually did.” Does he still have nightmares now, all these months after his friends have shown their unequivocal acceptance of him?
And aww, their thoughtfulness about not wanting a Howler to disturb Remus in the hospital wing! And the first pondering of Remus as to who is mysteriously telling Mrs. Black about Sirius's Muggle Studeis attendance...
I wonder if James and Sirius didn't yet have the chance to tell Peter what they'd realized, and what they'd decided to do about it? It seems they haven't yet.
Peter's sympathy for Remus is so endearing - he truly is a good friend, but Remus is absolutely right that goodness doesn't determine suffering. Peter is right too that it's not fair that things are so awful, but Remus unfortunately has no illusions left that the world is always fair.
Ah, James said they need to talk all four of them, meaning for now his newfound agreement with Sirius is just between the two of them as far as he knows! I didn't remember that when trying to see if Peter knew yet. Remus is right on one hand that now the iron-willed duo would be nearly impossible to dissuade from researching Animagi, as James had been able to point out the flaws in Sirus's plan to stop it. But he's just so heartbreakingly, tragically wrong that he's not worth it, and I HATE how much he believes it. I wonder if the others, even for a second, realize how deeply undeserving Remus feels and how determined he is that he's not worth the risk. Obviously James and Sirius and Peter all feel otherwise, but do they understand just how deeply Remus doesn't think they should? Also, I notice that if Peter doesn't know now, will James and Sirius ever explain to him what they realized and how that made James change his mind? If he realizes the dreadful truth also of why Remus's transformation was so bad that month... more angst could be on the horizon, and I am always ready for that!
It's interesting how Peter thinks Sirius should cave in and drop Muggle Studies - as well as fascinating how Remus momentarily thinks Peter is talking about the Animagi. Peter's point about Regulus though... I wonder if Sirius's refusal to drop the class to spare either of them the constant humiliation will lead to some of the divide between them and the hurt that Regulus feels.
Remus is so right, that Sirius is learning so much by being able to stand up to his mother. He unfortunately does understand just what risks he's facing from her wrath, and yet he's really fighting for himself. How is Remus as this young boy so wise and insightful!? Painfully, I have to wonder though how he'll look back on these words when he was forced to believe that Sirius had in fact changed his ideals so drastically and in such betrayal...
Peter realizing how Sirius's proud stance means a lot to Remus in his acceptance... If only Remus believed fully how when “he's standing up for you, too, and the idea that you're worth fighting for” he really is worth it to his friends! Worth any amount of personal risk, any.
Peter's subsequent concern of the matron overhearing is so sweet, and then his assurance to Remus he would've sat the detention for Remus "proudly" also. He's such a good friend right now!
Once again, I have to adamantly express my adoration of Madam Pomfrey. I'm glad Peter thanks her for her care of Remus, and to see her tender care and words towards him. She's so absolutely wonderful, and if I absolutely had to pick just a few favorites from this story, she would rank SO high up.
James's "pained concern" for Remus is so touching! His pitiful attempts at guarding his thoughts from showing on his face - I feel Harry must inherit that from him. I hate how Remus feels angry at himself for directly indicating to his friends just how bad the full moons can be, even though they have a fraction of an understanding by now of that. But James continues to be the standout here in his moving words - and spot-on characterization! I love his abrupt segue into the fact he's agreed to Sirius's plan, and that he now thinks it's a good plan. The "firm finality that Remus had never heard from him before" - oooh, that's just so well-written and wonderful! James really would be as resolute in this as he's been about anything thus far in his life, and I love him so dearly for it. I mentioned in the beginning of this chapter how it's been the answer to my very first review of ATM ever, but I feel it's also appropriate to think back now on how utterly I adore James, largely thanks to you. This story really changed how I saw him and reminded me how complex but truly good his character had to be to fit with canon, rather than the few scenes we only occasionally saw of him. Since reading this so long ago, I've found many more reasons to love James, but I've started on this wholly thanks to you! And for so many chapters now, I'm finding myself adoring James's actions and characterization in particular, with stand-out moments of loyalty and beautiful devotion to all of his friends - though of course by nature of the plot, often Remus in particular!
Anyways, that's a long ramble, but suffice to say I adore James in this chapter and I want to thank you so much for your brilliant and rich characterization.
Remus's attempts at dissuading them... I know it'll trouble him so much, but I'm glad it won't work!
Sirius's delegation of James as chief researcher is hilarious! I imagine he's planned it from the moment James planned his classes, since it was clear in the summer at Godric Manor that he was imagining James could use his extra time to pursue the Animagus research! I wonder what resources they'll turn to in search of the Animagus process - the Restricted section could have something I suppose, but McGonagall's notes are a better bet. Obviously whatever research they do, it will have to take months and months before they've found it and start on the process itself. I'm so curious about this!
I love Sirius's justification for why they can go ahead and steal McGonagall's notes. If they're out there and possible for anyone to steal, I'm sure the Marauders could manage it. And they are posterity who will be putting it to incredibly good use! Obviously she can never find out since nobody had an inkling about them being Animagi, so whatever they do they'll put it off well (or if they get caught breaking into McGonagall's office, they'll believably pass it off on harmless mischief rather than indicating their actual goal!)
Remus's attempts again to dissuade them... I know there's no way he wouldn't try, but it's so painful to see! I wish Peter hadn't interjected when he did because it would have been good for Sirius - or James as well - to realize just how deeply Remus believes they can't risk it "for the sake of a werewolf." But of course, Peter interjecting is only to be expected! I have a lot of sympathy for him in this, and his determination that he can't stand Azkaban... poor kid.
I have to laugh at James saying Marauders never get caught when they do so catastrophically in one of the newer chapters - and not for a calculated reason like with the Andrews twins, or even with an unforeseeable variable like with Meyrigg's office, but just sheer foolishness!
Sirius's insistence on how righteous this cause is though, and how they have to help him. I love him so much - his devotion is just ferocious, I don't know another word for it!
I'm chuckling at how Remus manages to reassure Peter he could also become an Animagus, even when he so desperately wants to assure his friends of anything but! He really is a wonderful friend. I love James's words here (once again!) “It's only a restricted feat of advanced magic that can end in permanent disfigurement or death. How hard can it be?” Truly the Marauders' outlook on this!
"Helplessness, more than any other thing, was intolerable to Sirius Black" oooh, the foreshadowing is so strong it might as well be fore-spotlighting it! Not that I mind of course; I love these so much. I still adore the line where Sirius expresses sympathy for Professor Meyrigg "being shut up while someone you love is off risking their life" in such perfect parallel. You have such a knack for this!
It's so interesting Remus finally acquiesces thinking nothing will come of it. One thing I'm thinking that while obviously we know it doesn't come to pass - what would it have done to Sirius in particular to fail at this? Obviously there are catastrophic ways they could have failed at becoming Animagi, but even without those harmful results, what if they'd hit a dead end in helping Remus and been forced to give up hope like his mother had? It was such a painful concern of Remus's last year, though I suppose now it's eclipsed by the more considerable risks of this plan than just what it would do to his friends' hope. He's so sure they'll just come to a dead end... what would it do to each of them if they did though?
I wonder how much Remus actually expected them to research but not try anything! Even in less important of a situation, finding the answer and then not acting upon it would be agonizing. Obviously it will take them a while to find the process, but not as long as Remus would like.
I love Peter's desire to avoid breaking into McGonagall's office, even though I considerably doubt that (even if they didn't need to for Animagus research, they inevitably will at some point!) I wonder if they plan to check out books from the Restricted Section, or sneak around? James could potentially use the clout of the Potter name to get Slughorn to sign a permission slip, or lead McGonagall to think he's just curious - although that obviously would be more than suspicious for a student who while academically excellent is hardly an overachiever! Maybe they'll have to convince Remus to ask McGonagall for a permission slip... or find another teacher if they want legitimate access to the Restricted Section! As we know from canon and they have already suspected from the werewolf research, an Invisibility Cloak isn't enough protection from the enchanted books! It'll be an interesting process to see happen, that's for sure. I don't need Mack or Trelawney to foresee them getting in trouble with Pince, and entertaining rides along the way!
And then the last little bit of the chapter. More foreshadowing, with how Remus can't even bring himself to deny his wonderful friends of a plan to help him, let alone in the future stop them from their mischief. Once again I'm angry that he can't see how he *is* worth it and his friends are right to be so loyal and true... but I understand.
"He could always put a stop to things later on" ohhh so he thinks... I wonder how distressed Remus might become when they do begin to succeed and he cannot stop them. Obviously they'll persevere past many obstacles - he should know that, considering how he's witnessed James and Sirius tackle the problem of the portrait to get into the kitchens when it was late and freezing! They'll never decide he isn't worth the effort and risk, and surmount every single challenge for his sake. Even though Remus will unfortunately really never in his life realize just how worthy he is of these friends, of basic human decency and respect and love, I'm so glad that at least his friends did realize this and wouldn't forget it.
There was just SO much to say about this chapter, and I probably even left some things out! It was absolutely wonderful to read for the first time, and I'm so glad I've finally had time now to come back and reread to review. I hope this review encourages you some and makes you even half as happy and satisfied as this glorious chapter made me! I don't know how many words this all is, but it's still really not enough to say how wonderful it is, and how much I loved James and Sirius finally realizing. Just everything I could have asked for, and as always I'm in awe of how you've crafted this story and these characters. Thank you so much for an exquisite chapter.

Amazing, this is the best story I've ever read. You are a wonderful writer, please keep updating this!

Hello! I've really been looking forward to having the time to review this chapter! I actually read it the day it came out, and I especially loved it because it was the day before I had to teach my first lab class. I felt a special kinship with Remus as first time teachers!

This opening scene was adorable. I always love it when you show affection between the boys. I also loved the shock that both boys felt when the other thought they were brave. Sometimes you get so caught up in the struggle of your own situation that you can't see how strong and brave you truly are. It helps to have friends to remind you! And James was funny with his, "Your welcome." I can understand Remus' anxiety; whenever I give a presentation I like to be so prepared that I have the whole thing memorized to perfection, otherwise I feel anxious that I might forget something.

I'm so proud of Remus for giving his lessons! I think he did really well organizing it. Quick intro, puns, a map to engage the class, even prepared enough to answer tough questions. Well done! It was great to see how supportive his friends are too :) I laughed at James remark that it was only his first lesson approved by a teacher. I can relate because I've tutored/helped my friends with homework lots of times, but this is my first semester teaching an actual class!

Oh no, poor Remus! To feel so good about himself and then have the mood dashed by wolfsbane. I'm glad he was able to skip the lesson; I don't think he would have done well that day (but it was rude of Slughorn to say so out loud without offering to help him). But of course, Sirius and James are going to plan another raid! I wonder how many of these it will take before Slughorn gets the message, lol. Also, the news about Narcissa and the aftermath of the prank gave me mixed feelings. On the one hand, she is a jerk, so she deserves some criticism from her peers. But on the other, destroying those clothes and humiliating her on purpose isn't right. You've written this very well because I sympathize with both Sirius' and Remus' view of the prank (but mostly Remus).

Thanks again for such a great chapter!

Hey! My Anthony complaining about my pie to you? He told me he told you! He is being drammatico ( I don't know English sorry Anthony is teaching me)
Auguri, Lolita Conti

My fiancée and I have decided to read one fan fiction together and yours was it. You see, my fiancée (Lolita) has only just reached 19 and I will only be 20 in a month so as she has grown up in rural Sicily she is naturally very curious about English customs. (She has never been) So early this afternoon, I came home to find her grinning over an apple amber pie. She had decided to make it despite the fact that she has no culinary skills or practice. This is the reason I have been sick all night. To be honest, I don't really mind. It made her so happy to make it that the crippling stomach pains are no longer important.
So thanks,
. Anthony Marchesi

What a wonderful story. Although i dont understand why you changed the fact that lupin was delibrately bitten as a child in his bed, revenge against his father for saying something against greyback. Apart from that fantastic. I love all the characters especially Sirius. It makes it so much more sad reading this and reading about their personalities as kids knowing what happens to all four of them when they grow up. Peter becomes a traitor and sirius suspected lupin of being one. James is murdered. Sirius is sent to jail and dies 3 years after escaping. Lupin leads a lonely unhappy life, friendless and broke, only to find happiness at last with tonks untill he is murdered never to see his son grow up. This is all peters fault. He ruined their lives. If voldemort had never targeted harry then someone else could have killed him instead. Dumbledore could have done it. They may have had to hide for years but things probably would have turned out better. Oh well.

Hey, sorry for the late review! Feel free to take your time updating, it shouldn't be a chore (especially as you're juggling two stories at once)! I'm relieved that Sirius has stopped receiving letters, and it's clever how Narcissa made Lucius experience public humiliation just like she did. If he wasn't Lucius Malfoy, I would have felt really bad for him.

The Zodiac Killer thing is an interesting twist! Just wanted to say again that your dialogue is amazing, and you have a really good balance between writing that someone 'said' something, or describing how they said it (like 'he demanded', etc). I wonder why Mack has so many clippings on the killings? I honestly have no idea why he might, so I can't wait to see where you take it. I'm excited because I actually know a bit about the Zodiac Killer crimes, and they are really creepy. I wonder whether you'll bring up Arthur Lee Allen, or the father whose son wrote a book positing that he was the killer?

James's frankness is refreshing, with him being straightforward about why Remus shouldn't come to raid the supplies. It's just like Remus to feel bad because he couldn't come with them, and it's fascinating to see how Peter now volunteers for the schemes, even if it's just out of self-preservation so he's not always left out.

It's nicely ironic that the recursive charms that were intended to prevent thieves are being used to protect the thieves's goods. I feel a bit sorry for Slughorn, although it will be hilarious if he tries to lie again and end up digging himself into a deeper hole. Thanks for mentioning hoarfrost; I looked it up and it's really pretty! I can just imagine James 'shivering theatrically'. The last line was brilliant, and it's so interesting to read about Remus's struggles with his clothes and food and money, because it sets him apart from his friends in a way that they don't really understand. Also, it's really cool how their time currently matches ours (October).

Thank you for writing this chapter, I can't wait for the next one!

Hi! I just wondered how long you're planning on carrying this on for. Will you do the entire school? Ask the way up to seventh year? I hope so. If so, are you planning on making it a bit romantic? If so, will you make it a Sirius/Remus fic? I hope not! I hope you don't think I'm being too picky, I just love this fic and want to continue loving it. Thank you for reading this!

Just wondering, where on earth did the Zodiac Killer come from all of a sudden?

Hmm.. I like how you've integrated the newspaper clippings about the serial killer. That was unexpected! Looking forward to seeing how that turns out in the story. Also Lucius and Narcissa's relationship.. or lack thereof at the moment!

Poor Narcissa! True, she might have deserved some mischief after trouble she had been giving Sirius, but this is very close to limit of meanness. It would gave been enough of a punishment to just blast her with dungbombs, without running all of her clothes. Well, the worst of it wasn't even planned - Lucus's behaviour towards her was so cold, I think it hurt her more than any mischief could. Their relationship ship is always interesting to think about, though in my opinion there is not much love between them.

On a side note, I love those little digressions you write, like in this chapter was the paragraph about lazy fat contended bees. It really gives more life in the story.

I love it! Please update!

Hello Stoplight! I am very behind on giving you reviews! Grad school is super busy, but this week is fall break, so I have some time for a couple of reviews. I see though that you are also behind on replying. I'll review because I know you like to read them, but don't feel pressured to reply if you can't.

Uh oh, he's finally going after Narcissa. While Sirius' and James' banter as they hashed out the details of the prank was amusing, I had an uncomfortable feeling that this prank would be going a little to far. I was amused when Remus managed to open the laundry door; I wonder if he had that mischievous thinking face that had Sirius so excited when they broke into Myregg's office, haha. Of course, Remus would be uncomfortable with the whole thing. Just think about how much trouble his mother went through to make one pair of dress robes, and now he's ruining several more! The tension of the Marauders in the Gobstone's club room was funny. James and Sirius were not very inconspicuous at all, lol. Oh man, your description of Narcissa and the dungbombs was very vivid. I could almost feel the revolting slime! And Lucius! What a cold reaction; I suspect Narcissa will be furious with him for some time for being so rude.

Thanks for this chapter! I have actually been reading your chapters as they come out because I cannot resist, but have not been able to review them in a timely manner. But I always love your chapters!

Very interesting chapter. I’m curious to see what will happen at the meeting, and if it ever pushes Regulus away. Great writing as always, so keep up the fantastic work!

Ah that was a great bait and switch with Malfoy’s owl, and it leaves dangling the question of how is Walburga going to deal with the outcome of the prank? Regulus’s naïveté was also very compelling here. We’re in for a rocky road with those two and there couldn’t be a better writer for that tale :).
The Zodiac killer! That was an interesting turn— I love how fluidly you draw on every context available to texture the story, capturing so many colorful little pieces into your vivid setting. The boys’ engagement with the topic was also cute. The scene in general and Sirius and Peter’s exchange in specific recalled their future roles in a not-so-different incident, not, I bet, unintentionally. I love how you manage it, layering the innocent camaraderie and the insecurity of imperfect group dynamics and the the shadow of tragedies to come. It’s so rich and magnificent.
And then there’s a lesser mystery— what’s VD’s interest in all this? Does he know someone killed by the Zodiac killer? ~Is he the Zodiac killer? XD. I doubt you need the advice, but perhaps tread carefully here if you plan to incorporate it further. I will happily read stories which feature the Marauders chasing after unsolved murders but I imagine the topic may be sensitive for some readers.
Speaking of mysteries, whose tracks might be leading back and forth from the potions cabinets? And have James’s and Sirius’s theft served to cover up another crime? And what’re they going to ~do with all those potions ingredients, anyways?