Reviews for Jak and Daxter: The Altered Journey Version 2
M-Angel 05 chapter 14 . 3/17/2013
Too bad Jak doesn't have eco to defend himself with. Great chapter.
M-Angel 05 chapter 12 . 7/15/2012
Yay, you live!

Haha...i was worried ya forgot about this story. Loving it!
DR2334 chapter 11 . 5/19/2012
Me again, also I noticed a spelling error! you said the word stint instead of stunt. Also personally I'm quite glad you didn't you know go too far with ahem that whole idea you mentioned at the bottom.

The two of them just being good friends seems to work better I think, personally though I kinda liked Jak and Keira together. Anyway, its still as good as before and I'm kinda glad you took out some of sappy scenes as it kinda made the first version drag a little.

Also it felt acward for me, I have nothing against Yaoi but its really not my thing and I prefer not to read that kind of thing. Anyway good job and I hope you put up number 12 soon.
DR2334 chapter 10 . 5/17/2012
Haha, I noticed you added Krew's name to this when the first version mentioned nothing of Krew. I never could stand him too much as he was an annoying fat guy who was a bit aweful to look at.

I hope we don't see him anytime soon, who knows what he might do.

As always its as great as the first time round though I do think at times the pair of Daxter and Jak talk too much...I guess its just how you write them.
DR2334 chapter 9 . 5/17/2012
Another great chapter. I've tried to find anything that is worth telling to you. But this is really very good...hah I bet you hate hearing that so much.

Hmmm, well I do find it strange how they are simply standing and talking near a pair of dead bodies. They do run away from the dead bodies of the KG people right?

I mean its downright stupid to stay and have a long talk near a pair of dead bodies. Unless, the people of Haven really don't care?...hah well you didn't really explain too well at least I didn't see anything that said they left the area.
DR2334 chapter 8 . 5/16/2012
Heh, still as great as ever, I like this one alot yet also felt sad that the calm guard had to die. I know KG people are bad but no one is completly evil even if they work under one who is evil or does bad things.

I guess in some cases death is unavoidable and in this one it was either them or the guard. Still, I like how you made him seem a bit human instead of a mindless I wanna kill you person.

Angry guard on the other hand, heh well he'll get his if he kills Daxter...
DR2334 chapter 7 . 5/16/2012

You called them Underground! when Samos said Resistance in the previous chapters!

Yes! finally found one! Anyway this is still cool as was the first version but you made that mistake again! its Resistance you said that in the begining and you forgot!

Heh, sorry if I'm blowing it out of proportion but its only for some giggles.

Anyway this is a great chapter and other than the UNDERGROUND error the rest is fine.
DR2334 chapter 6 . 5/15/2012
This chapter is also well done and even if you may consider this filler, I think its like taking a break after all that was a bit of a scary situation what with the guards and everything.

Not too scary mind you, but still I love this chapter a lot because of Jak's first words being "Thanks Daxter". I guess I'm a sucker for good friendship, as long as it does not get too sappy and stuff which I think it was slightly in parts of the first version.

Those were still nice though, and I do wonder if you will alter anything majorly in the other chapters. I'm looking into all of them by the way.

Also still no flaws or anything at least to me...I'm trying heh but maybe I'm not skilled enough to spot any.
DR2334 chapter 5 . 5/15/2012
This is one of my faverite chapters mostly because of how brave Daxter is here. You can see how much he cares for his friend and how guilty he was to leave him.

I also love that little extra bit you added that was not in the orginal. I won't spoil it but I do think its someone Jak knows well in the main timeline.

Oh yeah also, I wondered why you suddenly called the guards scanner and something else, I didn't really understand that but since it didn't affect anuthing I guess it was ok.

Again, this is really well done and even if you may may not like it this chapter really shows Daxter can save the day when the chips are down which is possibly the best kind of hero in my eyes.

Its always the hero you least expect that gets to me the most.
DR2334 chapter 4 . 5/15/2012

Heh, you know I always thought his name had only one r, it did in my game it spelt it like this:


Not sure why you chose to add an extra r to it but it don't matter too much its just another r. Anyway this chapter is where it all starts to get very cool. You may not like it but I love the pacing of this story.

Errol is also well chracterised in this story it feels very organic as is the rest of what the chracters say. I still can't find errors, I know I'm singing the same tune but I can't find anything its just so perfect.

Well not perfect exactly but, I do love what you've written very much. I shall still try to help you improve if I can.

Oh yeah also at some point will they find Keira again?
DR2334 chapter 3 . 5/15/2012
I can understand the thought of being restricted into writing a certain scenrio. Its not that nice espcilly to a guy like me who makes things up as he goes.

I'm a writer who most of the time never really has plans for how he'll write something and instead just let the flow of the words come to him instead of think about them.

It's how I always right to be honest, its never easy but I do love it when I start to write and then the words flow into me automatically. It is like magic...anyway back to review ahem...

Its very much like the first version with alterations but as for the scenrio itself I'm glad you changed the word to Resistance this time. Before, within the first version you said Underground but then some chapters later you said Resistance.

The was on inconsistancy that was quite important also, I wondered how Daxter and Jak forgot about the Metal Heads and had to ask about them even though Samos already told them what they were.

Anyway, its a good chapter like before and I look forward to the next one I shall review.

Believe me I'm really trying to spot flaws here.
DR2334 chapter 2 . 5/14/2012
This chapter is very much like the first version but with greatly improved descriptions.

Heh, again I can't spot any weaknesses, however I don't quite get what you meant when you wrote the phrase Jak had all but abandoned the right one.

I didn't get what you mean, does it have something to do with his sholder?

Care to explain it to me in a message or something I'm really curious much like with the uncle thing. I also sent a message to you a while back hope you got it.

Anyway this is good too, I feel excited as I was the first time though maybe I think you could space things out slightly.
DR2334 chapter 1 . 5/13/2012
When comparing this to the first version, there is much more explanation as to who Jak is along with those close to him. You also more indepthly describe his goggles and even mention Samo's research into Green Eco which was not mentioned last time.

Other than that it still seemed the same only with some minor improvements to certain words after the pair talk and stuff. This overall is a great first chapter setting up the story with quick summation and great dialogue.

I've tried to find flaws or means of improvement but I can't find any as this is expertly done. Though one curious moment I have is that you don't mention anything relating to Jak's uncle.

Well, then again he never really played that much of a role within the first game just someone you do a simple quest for. In fact, I think its better you don't mention him since basically he's not important at all.

Overall, this is a solid start I think it is slightly better than the first version but overall its a good way to start. And just so you know I'm a big fan of this story now and have read all of the first version of this story.

I'm no expert by any means, however, I'm also not a newbie as I've written quite a few things stuff that ranges from alright to kinda bad.

Anyway, in closing I'm now an avid fan of this.

I've tried to find something I can help you improve on but for this chapter you have it all just right. Only issue I would want clarity on though is the uncle just slightly.

He's not important but still I wanna know.
M-Angel 05 chapter 11 . 4/2/2012
Jak and Daxter/Halo/Mass Effect, I meant to say.

Keep up the awesome writing! Love, love, love!
M-Angel 05 chapter 11 . 4/2/2012
Sorry for not leaving any reviews lately. I've been spending a lot of time outside lately due to the gorgeous weather we've been having. Even got a tan. Yay! LoL!

I've also been busy with my own stories. Yes, I'm back to writing again. I am so happy with all my reviews. I am currently writing a Jam and Dafter/Halo/Mass Effect crossover.

Any ways, I am glad nothing is going on between those two. Pheasant. LoL. Can't wait for another chapter.
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