Reviews for Fate different blade
MWkillkenny84 chapter 2 . 7/15/2012
So here Shirou has summoned Playable EXTRA!Saber, aka Emperor(Empress) Nero of Rome?
Poor bastard.
Vote: 10
Godlybunny chapter 1 . 9/26/2011
Okay, I just read the first chapter, and here's my verdict.

You have great potential as a writer, but your characterization is a bit off, and the grammar is horrible. Some elaborating is needed on Shirou's thoughts, and the dialogue needs to be separated into different paragraphs. Be wary of missing letters and homophones, as well as being overly simplistic in an effort to skip through the story to the better parts. Trust me, I know the feeling, and I'm constantly victim to it.

In terms of praise, there is very good word choice and the writing is above average. It's attention grabbing and keeps the reader interested. I can see an intuitive grasp on language and syntax, but it's overshadowed, in a bad way, by the horrible grammar.

I would recommend getting a beta or highly improving on grammar. Perhaps several betas that specialize in different fields. For now, the grammar/spelling is a huge turnoff, and unless it improves, I will not stick with this story.
Toby860 chapter 2 . 9/23/2011
not bad. has some potential. but how did he summon a different servant. he still has saber
Genericrandom chapter 2 . 8/25/2011
Now, don't take this the wrong way. This is not a flame. This is a statement of fact.

In its present form, your story tried to make my eyes bleed. Go back to formatting school.

I was unable to coherently comprehend the story without exerting egregious effort as it presently exists.

Every time the story changes speaking parties (i.e. Shriou speaks three sentences, Saber speaks two, Archer gets interrupted in the middle of one and Rin rants a paragraph long lecture) you need to start a new line. Every single time. You can only blame FFN's formating murder every now and again, but this is much too sloppy to read. As it stands I can't properly review the story because I refuse to slough through the formatting to actually read the content.

Better luck next time. Please, try again.
Guest chapter 2 . 8/21/2011
Good. Short, but good. Also, it is better to separate the lines spooken by different characters in different paragraphs, it make it much easier to understand the conversations.
Protoman 0 chapter 1 . 8/20/2011
Nero huh? That oughts to be interesting
tragicmat1 chapter 1 . 8/20/2011
A good story first requires good grammar. The story is hard to get through when mistakes are everywhere.
guy chapter 1 . 8/20/2011
nero? NERO! Shirou is going to die or go insane.
Windraider chapter 1 . 8/20/2011
Your using Fate/extra's saber aren't you?

The personality of Fate/Extra's saber is the polar opposite of the normal saber.
mega1987 chapter 1 . 8/20/2011
You just gave Shirou Saber from Fate/Extra...

I don't know much of her personality... coz i haven't played the game...