|Reviews for Borrowed Time|
| n261 chapter 1 . 1/2/2012
AWESOME.. touching! :(
| iheartotakus chapter 1 . 9/7/2011
more kain and light fanfic please!
this fanfic was amazing!
| Mix Golden Phoenix chapter 1 . 9/5/2011
And then they go back to their respective worlds, and it's all very depressing.
First starting Duodecim and seeing the dynamic between Kain and Lightning made me go, "Ah, hell yeah! Rock it!" They'd make the perfect bad ass couple.
And this fic takes into account both their personalities and makes a believable relationship and not something cracktastic and fully fan-service. Kudos.
| Naivette chapter 1 . 8/22/2011
First off, I just wanna say that Distant Glory has already kicked my ass at a review. Haha. But with that said, s/he makes good arguments. Now I don't know so much about Kain, but I do know Lightning pretty well. Given what DG has said, some points have been made and can't necessarily be neglected.
Regardless, you did awesome in my book. Honestly, I couldn't stop reading, even if it was just a oneshot. I will admit I'm not used to seeing Lightning so soft (apart from other places, obviously), nor do I know much about Kain (at all, actually). But you did wonderfully. I loved this, even if I am reviewing two days later. :)
Good job, fwiend!
| Distant Glory chapter 1 . 8/22/2011
I will begin by saying that I don't disagree with what Poisonberries said about the good points of this fic. But since she has left me to be the bad cop (for which I will have my revenge, I assure you), I am forced into greater honesty.
As Poisonberries said, this is touching - sweet. But I also thought that it was a tad excessive in that. The Kain/Lightning relationship as we see it in canon is based on conflict - a more comradely kind of conflict at first, evolving into a real conflict when Kain 'betrays' them, and finally moving back towards that more friendly conflict, with a more awkward element added. It's worth noting that in Prologus, even Jecht is wary of crossing Lightning, and his confidence is near about boundless. It's Kain who has the courage to challenge her, and that continues into Chapter 0. Likewise, Lightning does not tolerate BS from Kain - she can be quite cutting towards him. It's this very conflict that seems to make their relationship work, really - Kain's refusal to accept Lightning's attempts to hide herself, and Lightning's equal refusal to accept Kain's occasionally sophistic nonsense, means that they are forced to be honest with one another. There's a kind of trust in allowing someone else to see you that clearly. They understand each other in a peculiar sort of way.
...The point that I'm trying to make, here, underneath this character analysis, is that I would have expected this fic to be a bit more snarky in tone. True, Kain is likely to be slightly more hesitant than he would have been before he tried to put her to sleep, but I would still expect him to try digging at Lightning more than he did.
On the same kind of note, I would have expected Lightning to become more angry, more controlling, rather than more withdrawn. Control is paramount to Lightning; she values it immensely. (And conversely, the admission of this shows enormous trust, which is why her admitting her doubts in Kain in Chapter 0 is so important.) When presented with a situation that is out of her control, her immediate response is to try to regain control - when it turns out that two of her allies are putting the rest of them to sleep in order to ensure they survive into the next conflict, without consulting them, she rejects that as a solution and decides to 'make her own fate' by fighting the manikins to the death instead; when Vaan continues to treat the situation they've found themselves in with flippancy, which may get him killed, Lightning gets mad and threatens to put him to sleep instead, because at least that would ensure that he would be safe. So, in this case, faced with memories she hates and can't control, and an acceptable target in Kain (especially because he is the one who challenges her on a regular basis), I would have expected an outright fight to have broken out.
I felt that your 'voices' were a tad off, as well. Lightning tends, usually, to be very clipped in her speech patterns - minimum words, maximum impact - so I found her to be a little bit 'long-winded' in places. I wouldn't have expected Kain to be so quiet, either - since he doesn't tend to speak unless he feels it necessary (...or he wants to have some dickish fun), he never fails to speak up when he does. I felt that the pet names for Lightning were a bit superfluous, too, but that may fall under my feeling that this story is a little bit too sweet for the characters.
Moving on, as Poisonberries said, I think you need to slow down a bit. While Lightning's behaviour becomes more explicable during the second two thirds of the story, it still seems as though she has a sudden change of heart about how trustworthy Kain is. I think that it would have helped if you'd expanded this fic a bit, including a scene or two more, to show how Lightning's opinions, in particular, changed. You focus on her memories, here, but you also need to focus on Kain.
The only other thing, story-wise, that I want to comment on is the rose. I'm...not really sure how Kain would know about this, or how he would know that it connected Firion and Lightning. It would probably be common knowledge that Firion had been trying to seek Lightning out (and continually failing), since I could easily see Cecil teasing the poor guy about it, but that Firion had just wanted the rose back... I can't see that so easily. Firion was quite shy about admitting his dream, even in the thirteenth cycle - it seems likely that he kept his flower as much of a secret as he could, to avoid having to explain it, in the twelfth.
Aside from that, the only thing that I would comment on are a few awkward sentences, but even those aren't that bad.
...Annnnd, I will now shut up. Sorry about the length of this.
| NinjaSheik chapter 1 . 8/21/2011
AWWW~! LOVED IT~!
| Poisonberries chapter 1 . 8/20/2011
Oh, how LOVELY. I had a few fangirl moments in here, I'll admit - I always love a bit of highlight that I don't have to write myself. Your Kain is a fair sight less of jerk than mine, but this was quite touching. I particularly appreciated that you switched perspectives midway. It's more elucidating for the reader. One thing I might suggest: slow down the action a little bit. Dwell on individual moments as revelations of character - it will both heighten the effect and add nuance to the emotions you're trying to convey.
Overall though, nicely done.