|Reviews for It's All Fun and Games Until Bulma is the Prize|
| supremewizdom chapter 16 . 8/3/2012
Ok...this is an overall good fic...not gonna lie to you thoug, it did have a couple confusing parts to it, but it was cleared up while rereading a chapter...keep it up..look forward to you completing this fic
| smalsa chapter 16 . 8/1/2012
"I wonder what flowers look like," Medon thought to herself.
That really broke my heart, she's just a product of her environment. I really hope they can find a way to break off this spell that medon's in and when they escape both her and Vie go with them too!
| KimiruMai chapter 16 . 7/31/2012
The suspense is KILLING ME!
| elleelle chapter 15 . 7/4/2012
While I enjoyed this chapter, I would love to see some of this chapter from the perspective of a spectator. Not not just from the characters who are experiencing it. Looking forward to more!
| Teapot Munchkin chapter 15 . 7/4/2012
Another log for your literary fire, interesting that something Feiza said to Vegeta was what helped him realize the mind f-ing that was going on. I'm waiting excitedly for the beat down that Medona is going to get. I'm sad that Poeh died. He did help Bulma. Please continue your genius and shall await patiently.
| Kattastropi chapter 15 . 7/3/2012
I don't think your plot was forced or even that there isn't one, because clearly there is -.- But! If you had something, like a focal point to bring the reader back to 'real' land these dreams within dreams within dreams would have been more defined and would have at least made a little more sense until you got to the point of revealing what was really going on. By the way a focal point could be anything. Any object, any person. Even a certain sensation really really described in detail if they can't see (they still have the ability to smell and hear). I was thinking for this you could both have Vegeta and Bulma maybe smell something odd. Maybe a side effect of when this mind jedi person does their stuff. Or since I think they were in the same healing room for a while you can simply describe that at odd places during the dream. If they were in tanks you could also describe the healing fluids instead...
Also, it would have helped if you simply lumped all the dream chapters together so at the end its revealed to us instead of making us wait for weeks to finally understand what's going on. Suspense and making readers wait with cliff hangers is all dandy and all, but if you do it to much just gets irritating. You should have also brought the two brothers into the story sooner, hinted more at their importance more than once. Having it all explained at the end does make it feel like you 'just' came up with it and didn't know the plot, but I've seen many experienced writers do the same thing afraid that they will be repeating themselves if they say it more than once. Which that is bad, but its all in how you do it. Change of words or how its shown can make all the difference.
As for writing in general, you are one of the best I've come across. Especially without a beta! Only thing I can suggest is try to be more clear when describing things. You already have a lot of description so that isn't the issue. I'm more thinking about exactness, picking better nouns and helping readers form a better picture. For that all I can suggest is read it out loud. Read it to a friend. Or have someone else go through it. What may make sense to you doesn't equate to readers getting it. We don't have your brain or your thoughts so while the scene is playing out perfectly in your head we may be missing one or two key things that would help us get the scene.
Anyway, good job! Keep writing and though it's hard try not to listen to negative comments unless they say 'how' its not good. Always always as how. Another tip is to use it too when your writing. Keep asking yourself How and Why. How did that happen? Why did that happen? Why do I care that happened? Etc. Hope this all helps.
| KimiruMai chapter 15 . 7/3/2012
Aw, not the little spider boy! I liked him :( Poeh is a cute name. Update soon please!
| smalsa chapter 15 . 7/3/2012
Ahhhh finally his a super sayain amazing as always! God I want Medon stripped of her power, I wanted to say dead but that's harsh she's clearly a product of her environment and is a child. Why did you have to kill of the arachnoid boy I was hoping all of them would make it out alive :(
Hopefully now that he is a super sayain they can escape (fingers crossed!)
Oh and I wouldn't pay any mind to those who do like your story (flamers I believe they are called here!). This is fanfiction and fans can write whatever they want, I don't think people realise how how hard it is to actually write a story saying it is easy but putting pen to paper (or here hand to keyboard) is freaking hard! I love your story and so many others do as well don't let the insignificant few stop you from writing!
| Teapot Munchkin chapter 14 . 7/1/2012
Holy cow! It's like a dream within a dream, within a dream. Lol love it! I wonder what vegeta is going to do to bulma and the others; if he can't tell the difference between reality and the 'maze', as you cleverly stated. The different aliens pop into my head so colorful and so real. Please continue, I am awaiting your genius.
| smalsa chapter 14 . 6/29/2012
This chapter has cleared so much up thanks! Amazing as always I still can't get around how you managed to build this story up, it's amazing!
| Breezybiatch chapter 1 . 5/22/2012
Interesting, but the circumstance surrounding the plot see
too fake and forced.
| KimiruMai chapter 13 . 5/22/2012
TRICKERY! IT'S ALL TRICKERY!
| Death101- Fox Version chapter 1 . 5/22/2012
Grammar was awesome! Formatting a dream. Detail was amazing! I freaking love the title! The only problem for me is the plot. To be honest, I'm not all that interested in the plot you have going. It looks awesome! But I'm not all that into it. I just wanted to comment on the title but then I started reading and notice how well written it was and wanted to comment on that as well. Basically, awesome job.
| Carly chapter 13 . 5/21/2012
I'm so beyond confused at the moment, but I'm okay with that. You've created an awesome story and characters that I can't wait to see what happens next. Keep up the great work!
| smalsa chapter 13 . 5/21/2012
wow just wow I loved this chapter even though I'm confused, but a good kind of confused! I honestly thought they would escape that they had been freed my hopes were raised and then came crashing down at the end! I simply cannot wait until next time!