|Reviews for And Twice Beneath A Space|
| SweetnSour333 chapter 3 . 3/30/2013
Yay Abe! I love Abe he makes me smile! - Nice short I liked it!
| SweetnSour333 chapter 1 . 3/30/2013
I would have never thought to write an ordanary do like this! (Although , unfortunately, I do not read very much) I love the stile and how I can see these things happening like it is a movie in my head. (I can normally do that / ) So, awesome job!
| xxyangxx2006 chapter 5 . 1/20/2012
I loved all of these and I have to say that I though you did all of the characters justice. also, I'm glad how you added Yang in here. Now I want to see how I can add her into one of these challenges so I can get a better feel for my cameo character. XD
| LA Knight chapter 5 . 1/19/2012
You spelled Red's name wrong - Anung un Rama. You wrote Anug un Rama. Wow, that's my only nitpick so far. You're amazing. And eeeks! Ogru Jahad! Scary. Has Lorelei faced off against Kroenan ever? I'm just letting this thing flirt inside my brain. The first film hasn't happened yet. Wouldn't it be interesting if our second-film peeps were hanging out on the fringes of the first film? Especially since Sammael and them are chillaxing in the sewers and subway tunnels - where Nuada and other fae are chillaxing, too.
I love how Lorelei looks angelic, when she's actually got gold eyes and sharp pointy teeth. So deceptive. Tricksy. Like the Fair Folk.
Oooooooohhhhhhhhh... the touching. I love the touching. So it begins. The touching. That soft, sweet butterfly touch. And the fact that that subtle exquisitely soft touch comes from those humongous, rough fingers is amazing. He is so gentle here. It's so amazing. I love it. He's just so... so tender and sweet and gentle. It's so incredible to see him, this massive "monstrous" craggy dangerous cave troll, as a gentle lover. Not necessarily a sexual lover, but lover in the medieval/courtly sense. Anyway, so cool. I adore it, adore him being so gentle with her.
Oh, and then her lashes flutter like butterflies. And he's *still* touching her. Still. Stroking, stroking. *shiver* And it's so sweet and sad that he's thinking about what would've happened if she'd gotten caught by the Nazis, and how the tattoo-mark might have been right where he's touching and he gets so upset. Furious that anyone would hurt her. Do such things to her.
Another amazing word! "Aurulent." Also another word for gold? My theasaurus doesn't have it in there.
I love the resurgance of the empathy, the exploration of it more fully here. I love that. Kudos for you and your amazing descriptors. Jeez, you're incredible. I wanna hug you to pieces. *snuggle-cuddle-huggles*
And now she's touching him, too! Yay! I love the touching! She's not grossed out at all by the roughness of his hide, by his inhuman features, by any of it. It's so sweet. So beautiful, at least to me. I love it so much. "...softly as snowfall..." I like that descriptor because, except for the eyes, Lorelei looks a lot like Snow White. And you know what's interesting? When my husband is upset, I'll do that same thing - brush my thumb over the back of his hand. It's so interesting, and such a romantic gesture, and so sweet and tender. I love it.
"No more of these thoughts..." Right there, Wink sounds so much like Nuada, it's crazy. It almost makes me wanna say "like father, like son," almost. It's cute.
Kudos for the word "languid." I love how he's exploring her arm so thoroughly, so delicately, so gently, so entranced. And the juxtaposition of those slender white fingers in his rough, large, not-so-pale hand is so interesting and lovely. Very Beauty and the Beast.
Ooooh! Usage of the word "rosepetal" as one word and a descriptor. Love it. D
And another beautiful, Snow White-esque descriptor that I love. "...her face as fair and serene as a full moon shining from the night-darkness of her hair..." Love it soooo much. It's so beautiful. Jeez, you're incredible. You're fantabulous. You're magalicious. I adore you to bits. I snuggle your face. I squeeze you all to pieces.
Have I ever told you I love the word "exquisite?" I love it so bad. And you use it! And why do I love it, and love that you used it? Because it's fantastic and it gives the connotation of something wondrous, rich and strange, special, something to be valued at high price. And that gives such a lovely undertone to this whole touching thing. I love it so much.
And the touching continues as we move to the shoulder, and she's just like, "Purr, purr, purr." And I love how she thinks of Wink's hand, his fingers - strong, warm, gentleness. Yeah, she uses the word "leathery," which doesn't necessarily have positive sensual connotations but it doesn't have bad ones, either. And he's *so* gentleness. I love the gentleness underneath the savage troll warrior exterior. Gentleness. Ooooh. I love it so much. I can't tell you how happy I am that he's so very gentle with her. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my gosh. Eeepies. I adore it so much.
Ooops. She hit him with siren song. Whoopsie. She didn't mean to do that, but there it is. And now he knows one of her special spots - her neck. I think all girls' necks, actually, are highly sensitive. But that's just me. I could be wrong.
Hey, I forgot to ask - just what *did* make Wink so bold just then?
Wait a second... deep relaxation? *That's* what made her moan like that? I thought he was... well... turning her on. At least a little. Giving her the flutters. You know. Seducing, as per fluffy G-rated Disney-ness. She's just relaxed? What?
Does it not register on Wink because he's not sober?
Second nitpick - you wrote "from his ears, down is neck, through his..." I think you meant "his neck..."
Anywho. And the magic of her sound goes along his spin, and through his shoulders, down his neck - all very hunky man spots, in my opinion. I love that. And he can feel it even as deep as his bones. Wow. I love, love, love the "sensation of standing in still water... disturbing the water under the surface." Because I've felt that, and it is very sensual and such a lovely feeling and it feels so... tickly and slight and soft and just oooooh. And she has a "swan-like neck." I love it when girls have that. And I love how it takes him a minute to remember how to breathe. So adorable. So cute. So... sizzly. Love it.
"...haze of easy rapture..." Oh, darling, you make me so shivery. I must have more of this greatness. This treasure. This jewel of fanfic loveliness.
I don't know what "coruscating" means either. I feel dumb. But oooh! You used the word "glimmers!" That is my favorite word. And oooohhhhh, he's falling in love. It's not because of the sound, though, right? He really does just care for her, right?
"The shining cocoon of contented happiness and well-being that surrounded him was beautiful, and each luminous thread of it was leaning, bent delicately, towards her." I absolutely ADORE this line. It is the best descriptor of what he's feeling ever. Oh my goodness. I love it. LOVE.
Why are her siblings "strangers in her life" ? Just because of age gaps or because of something else?
Is her dad human? I think you've explained this before but I can't remember. I'm just wondering. And here's a question - are there male rhinemaidens? Erm... rhinelords? I dunno what they'd be called (although suddenly I'm lamenting that you're not gonna have any rhinetroll babies).
Who was Lorelei's first crush? Someone famous?
Oh, my goodness, and the touching continues! I wish there was more of it. Oh, the touching, "soft as rainfall." He's gotta be loving this. What am I saying - he IS loving this. D They're so adorable and cute and romantic together. I love that you remember he's got a wristguard. And this line, here - "... the slender fingers of the river fairy sent light, curling trails of sensation over the silver troll's hide..." I love that so bad. Oh, goodness. Love it. And she's nuzzling his hand! Oh! Oh! You know, I've actually felt this kind of... connection to a guy before (when I was 15). I met this guy and we were only around each other for a couple days but the connection that Wink has with Lorelei, this chaste but intimate and empathic connection, was totally there. It brings back good memories. I love you, Ocean my dove-cake of happiness.
And the clock goes off! STUPID CLOCK! GAH! I HATE YOU, CLOCK!
Ahem. Does Wink actually roar? Or does he just want to?
"In the court of elves, since the days of yore, it might have been kerchiefs or locks of hair. Here and now it was a nearly-finished bottle of wine from a night well-spent in each other's company, and it seemed the more fitting for the two of them, he thought." Oh! But can't she give him a lock of her hair? If he wants it? And what, in olden days, did guys give their girls in exchange for kerchiefs or love-locks? But I love this! Oh!
Yeah, Wink - don't be a stranger. So there. *hug*
OH! And the end! The end! The water lilies! You should write about her getting them! Are they natural, or are they glass, or crystal, or jeweled? Or silk? Or what? Do they sing? Do they glow? I love the water lilies. I love them so much! Eeeek! Ahhhhhh! I love them, love them, love them!
And I almost forgot - I think I said this, but I love how Wink's like, "Can't tell her about the Golden Army." Him and Nuada. Gah. Poor boys. Anywho...
So I did it! I finally did it! I got the review done (about a half hour later - it's 8:30, my husband's gonna kill me; but softly, with limp noodles). I hope you enjoy it. I love you, darling Ocean of Fiery and Romantic and Sensual Delicious Brilliance and Love! You are splendiferous and you make me so squiggly with joy and hope and happiness and squealie fun. *huggles to bits with cupcakes* Love ya!
| LA Knight chapter 5 . 1/19/2012
Oh! Hey! I just realized! I feel kind of stupid for just noticing, but Wink is a silver troll, right? And Lorelei has gold eyes. That is so cool! Did you do that on purpose?
I like that Wink growls when he nods toward the runaway cart. Is he growling just because he's got a deep voice? I'm wondering because it would be so cute if he was growling just because it almost ran her over. Wink is such a cutie around Lorelei. Although I'd like to see him... more as the raging warrior at some point. Maybe they end up fighting someone together? Here's a question - what keeps people, even other fae, from robbing her? Stealing her liquor or trying to get their hands in her cash register?
What errands is Wink running? Just curious. I love knowing these little details.
I love that they're both surprised by her invitation. Although he needs to ask her out on a date at some point. Every time they've gone "out," it's been at her invitation. Which is not a complaint. That's an epidemic among men right now. And awww! She called him "chivalrous" and he called her "dear."
We have finally gotten to the scene *at* Fafner's Cave. Yay!
Real quick thing I don't think I've mentioned - I like that Wink doesn't need a translator for her German. It shows very subtly that he's been around a while, and been all over the place.
I love that Wink's first response to "what do you want to drink (vaguely translated)" is that he wants to hit on her. I also love that he can find her attractive even though she's not pebbly-skinned and rough-hided and bristly like a troll.
Oh, oh. Pretty words! "... her long hair, dark as a moonless midnight, falling across her shoulder to brush lightly against one porcelain cheek..." And this is Wink thinking about her, too. Oh, it's so romantic. I'm such a spaz for the romantic bits. He thinks she's so pretty. Which, she's a rhinemaiden, so she is pretty, but still. And you could've said "moonless night," but you didn't. I like "moonless midnight" so much better. I love it so much.
And "porcelain cheek." It implies a fragility, which considering how massive and strong Wink is, that fragility really is there. And it also implies that snow-white palor and also gives Wink an eye for... well, an eye for how she looks, I guess. I'm not sure I'm explaining this last part right. That Wink is paying a slightly unusual amount of attention to Lorelei's looks (which ups the romance factor).
And "eyes shining like all the treasures of a dragon's hoard..." I don't know if I'm reading waaaaaay too much into this, but this is so lovely and descriptive (and hints at the history of the rhinemaidens), and implies that her glances are valuable. In a relationship that is open and easy but still takes time to develop, where every touch is incredibly special, a glance is important too, and valuable, and should be treasured. And I get the impression from this line that those delicate glances and lingering looks *will* be treasured by Wink once the relationship gets going.
What kind of smile can't he help? Is it a flirtatious "I think you're pretty" smile? Or is it something else? I know it's nothing sleezy. I'm just curious.
You know what's kind of cute? The reason he doesn't offer up a pick-up line is because she's probably heard it a million times. Does he think she'll get mad? Scoff at him? Why does he care that she's heard those lines before? Is it because he doesn't want to come off as a schmuck?
Wow, she tossed the bottle. I'd be scared. I'm impressed now. Is Wink impressed by the bottle-toss when he says "Impressive?" Or is it something else? And why does he want something stronger than Elven wine?
I like how she talks. Sometimes it sounds modern, but sometimes her turn of phrase and sentence structure resonates a sort of olden style. I love that. It's so cool. You're so amazing. I love you. Have I mentioned that? I love Lorelei, too. She's my favorite Wink-girlfriend ever. I love, love, love her. She's incredible. Write more about her. I need more of her. I demand more of Lorelei and Wink. They're adorable and romantic and perfect. LOVE.
I must say, if I got a fully-bloomed red rose in a lovely white box with a card, I'd be impressed. But then, that's never happened to me before. Since she gets that a lot (and she's been around for like, ever) I can understand why it's so blah to her. I kinda wanted her to get pricked by the thorn and have Wink kiss it better, but I guess it's too soon for that. Will that ever happen? I think that's so cute. Will it ever happen?
What does the card say? I wanna know what the card says!
Ooooh, Lorelei's embarrassed. Why is she embarrassed? And does "niveous" mean pale? Just curious. Anyway, I love that she's so good at hiding her emotions. Because the blush/blanch is super quick. Is she embarrassed because Wink is there?
There's another awesome vocal-water piece of figurative language. "...she sighed, after a minute or so, a sound somewhat like a small wave receding from a great lakeshore." Yay! And now I'm hearing it. Oooh. I love it. You're so cool. Now, here's a quick question, O Splendor of Literary Awesomeness - does her sigh actually sound like that due to the magic of her fey qualities, or is it just amazing figurative language? Either way I'm happy, I'm just wondering.
I love how this guy gives her a rose and she's like, "Yeah, I'll grind it to bits and use it to make my lipstick." Does the guy who gave her the rose figure that out? If so, does it make him mad?
Oh, oh, oh! Wink's looking at her mouth. He wants to kiss her. Yes he does. He wants to kiiiiiiisssss her. Wink and Lorelei sitting in a... well, a tree wouldn't hold someone as big as Wink. But they're still K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Ha!
Awwww. He thinks her smile is pretty. Squee of joy! Eek! *fangirl squiggles*
OH! The touching begins! And the smile-exchange is so cute. I know I keep saying they're cute but they're sooooooo cute! I love them soooooooo much! Please write faster! I can't help myself, I need more of them. Eeekies. Love, love, love them so much. I am addicted. You are evil to not supply my needs. I require bigger doses of W/L awesomeness. Please! I am your devoted fangirl slave forever more. I need more awesome. '( Please!
And more awesome pretty words I don't know. Auriferous. Does that mean golden? Or something else? And I love how she's oh-so-casual about, "So... how are your prince and his human chick?" And Wink's like, "Holy crap! *choke* What?"
Ooooooh, her smile is fetching. Wink, you bad boy. *huggles Wink*
Yay! You remembered she has pointy teeth!
Is this a quote? "They who build towers of iron and glass?" Is that from something?
Wink, her eyes are in her head. Not on her neck. Silly cute troll-man. He's just like, "Ooh, she's gorgeous." And the description here - "he was staring at the elegant curve of Lorelei's exposed neck once her long sleek hair had fallen away from her shoulder to drape behind her bent knee when she tilted her head." I can just see her and dang, she looks gorgeous. Poor Wink. Is she doing that to him on purpose or is she one of those women who's just naturally alluring and doesn't pay much attention to her affect on men? OH! OH! And she noticed! Eeeek! She noticed and blushed! Just a teensy bit. Is she blushing because she appreciates the attention or is she embarrassed?
What legends, exactly? I'm curious. I might be able to use those in "Once."
And Wink as just been whacked upside the head because unlike so many fae, Lorelei is like, "Nope, don't hate humans. Don't blame them. Remember the Holocaust?" He's just like, "D'oh!"
Do Lorelei and her mom get along? Just curious. And is she anyone influential, or is she just a rhinemaiden?
Quick thing, you may not know, but I thought I'd ask - the Thule Society. Isn't the word "Thule" from an Edgar Allan Poe piece? And who are the men with leonine faces and strength? Is that any reference to Vincent from Beauty and the Beast or something else?
| LA Knight chapter 5 . 1/19/2012
Oh, oh, oh! And here... we... go. I've got 2 hours to write this review. Hopefully that's enough time, but I don't know if it is because this is going to be in at least 2 parts. So we'll see if I can manage. Because holy macaroni and cheese, my darling Ocean of Fey-Like Literary Epical Romantical-Ness, I love you so much right now. Well, actually, I love you all the time. You make me so happy and, like you've said before, you're like my long-lost cyber-twin (except you're prettier than me, but that's okay). So I love you all the time. But I love you extra especially right now for your brilliance so let's go take a whack at it and say how awesome it is.
Firstly - I learned a new word! Yay! Synesthesia. Does that describe when Lorelei's magic gets away from her and Wink actually feels a physical touch from the sound?
I love the German. You're so much better at the German than me. Is "wonderful" in German really "wunderbar?" A lot of this German reads like English; did English steal a lot of its words from German? Anywho, that's neither here nor there. I learned a new German phrase, though - "vielen dank." I assume that means "thank you very much" as opposed to just "thank you" ?
"Clanch" is an interesting ottomotopeoia (I know I spelled that so wrong, blurgh). I've never seen it before. I like it. Yay. And it *does* describe the sound Wink's gears and stuff in his hand make when they're used.
I like the different water-related figurative language you use to describe Lorelei, too. "A voice as smooth and clear as a stream in late summer." I love that. Especially the late-summer part, because then it takes any possible hint of coldness out of her voice (unless it's a stream in the Himalayas in the summer, in which case then it would still be cold, but that's not what you said, so yay). And also clear water has that lovely reflective thing going on when light shines on it, which is so pretty, and so (going back to synesthesia) beautiful that when I read that line I imagine that visual of the sunlight reflecting on water when Lorelei talks. )
So I gotta say, I was totally surprised by how you started this. I didn't expect Wink to rescue her, which is so cute and chivalrous and romantic. I love it. It's adorable. Especially because Wink is big and craggy and bristly (do those bristles have any kind of sensitivity in this fic? Just curious) and tusked and kind of scary, but here he's like... he's like Flynn from Tangled - charming, suave, the Prince Charming with a dash of the Rogue kind of guy. It's a great and new way to see Wink. I love it.
Is Wink holding Lorelei tightly because she's cute and cuddly and pretty, or because he's worried she'll slip out of his grasp? Or a bit of both?
I like that she stares after the runaway wagon for a minute. If I almost got run over, I'd stare after it too, like, "Holy crow... that thing almost turned me into a pancake. Am I all in one piece?"
Why is Wink laughing? What's so funny about her face? Does she look scared? I like that Wink's voice is deep and rumbly. I mean, he roars a lot in the film, which is scary and dragon-like and deep-chested and all that stuff. But you never really hear him talk, like, ever, and of course in Once I don't really go into what Wink sounds like except to Dylan (which is grunty and boar-like, since she doesn't really speak Troll). So I like that here, going back to the whole Prince Charming/dash-of-Rogue thing, he's got this sexy bass voice going on. Not that you say explicitly that it's sexy, but to me deep bass and bass sexy, so yeah. Anywho...
"...the towering mass..." I love that he towers over her. I mean, say she's tall (how tall is she? 6 feet at the most?). Wink is taller - he's 8 feet or more. He's humongous. That kind of cute, image-wise, because it's like... it's like those guys who are like 6-foot-8 and dating the girls who are 5-foot-even. The giant and the pixie; so adorable. I just love that image. Especially because Lorelei is fae, so she's not exactly delicate (even though she might look like it, especially standing next to Wink) and she can kick some butt herself.
Oh! Oh! Oh! "The minute she heard that voice, all other dazed thoughts... fled from Lorelei's mind, and she looked up with a smile..." I love how she hears Wink's voice and it's like someone flipped a switch in her brain that makes her go, "Wink!" It makes her... it makes her young, sort of (not juvenile, but young as in "early twenties," like us, whereas she's almost 100 years old). In a good way. It gives a youth and a vibrancy to the first blushes of their relationship, I feel. It opens up the way to the development of their relationship. I mean, right at this very moment they're just friends, but they're not quite just friends because of that whole "Oh, it's Wink! Yay!" thing going on in her head. They're those friends that could very well turn into something else, which is subtly set up just with that one thing. Awesome!
Quick question about this line: "Wink grinned and chuckled with her before he helped her to right herself on her feet again." So is he holding her up? Holding her off the ground? I'm just trying to get an accurate picture here. I wanna see it in my head! D
I absolutely LOVE that he's still holding onto her! With his mechanical hand, no less. That's so cute because he's not hurting her and he's obviously being gentle or she would've noticed long before now. So it's an interesting concept, seeing Wink's dangerous bronze arm as a gentle actual hand and not a dangerous weapon, which is the only way it's used in the film. Again with the awesomeness of exploring Wink in more detail. I adore that. And I love that he doesn't realize he's holding her either because he's a warrior, he's a fighter, and he's super observant (like Nuada in "Seeing You Again") and yet he totally didn't notice he was still holding onto her.
Just curious - are you going to explore more how Wink's mechanical arm works? I mean, obviously he can control it with his mind or whatever like you would a regular limb because he doesn't have to say anything to make it shoot out and stuff, but can he feel things with it? Is it ensorcelled so that it's just as sensitive as flesh? Is it cold like metal, or is it warm like flesh because of whatever magic makes it work the way it does? Is it malleable if he wants it to be? What kind of motor-control does it have? I know this is silly to ask since you didn't invent Wink (I wish you had; he'd be way cooler) but since he and Lorelei have this thing about touching, maybe this comes up in one of their moments together.
Back on track now! You realize this review is super long already and I haven't even gotten to the part where they're actually *in* Fafner's Cave? And it's 6:40! I've only got an hour and 20 minutes left. Eeekies! Anywho...
Oh, I think I just noticed this. You say "As the enormous troll stood up straight again..." That gives me this sort of... I dunno, I see Wink almost curving his body sort of protectively around Lorelei. Did you intend for that to come across that way? And if so, is he protective because she's Lorelei, because she's a woman who almost got run over by a wagon-cart-thing, or because he thinks she's a babe? Because even before he starts entertaining... we'll call them "seductive thoughts," about Lorelei, he already thinks she's a babe. At least that's the impression I'm getting. But anyway, I like the impression of protection that this little line gives, even if you didn't intend for that to happen.
I like that "he took in and appreciated, briefly, the lovely sight of the shaken up Rhine daughter..." Firstly, I like that he noticed she's a babe. Because no matter what's going on (short of life-threatening situations), a guy will notice a beautiful woman. But I also like that it wasn't one of those bug-eyed-drool-fest-type noticings, because that would be gross of him, and would come off kind of sleezy. It would also, I feel, taint the previous rescue a little. So I love that the appreciation is only brief. Finally, I do like that you say "the lovely sight of the shaken up Rhine daughter" because, at least to me, Wink is one of those protective alpha males, right? And one of the things you learn when you study the romance genre is that the alpha male has a thing for protecting the damsel in distress. Now, Lorelei is nothing close to a damsel in distress, but the sight of her a little shaken up would provoke those protective alpha male instincts and make her just a teensy bit more appealing in that moment.
Am I rambling? I feel like I'm not making sense; does that make sense? It's hard for me to tell because my roommate has Law and Order: Criminal Intent on the tv and I'm in love with the main guy. Anywho...
| LA Knight chapter 4 . 1/18/2012
Ocean, my love, my heart, my darling, my literary jewel, my sea of brilliance, my sorrow, my joy!
I cannot believe I haven't reviewed this! I am sooooo sorry, I thought I did, or I would've done it AGES ago! *face-palm* Gah! And here you've done such nice things for me. *weeps* I'm so evil. I'm so behind on reviewing everybody! You, Ariana, Jokerfest, Jasper... I'm so derelict in my duty. But I'm here to fix it now!
Oh, rooftops. Rooftops are so romantic. I love them. And so alone, without being lonely. Separate and above the common crowd, without being somewhere inappropriately isolated. Love them so much! Eeek! *squiggle of joy*
So this is gonna sound random but I love the image of Nuada leaning on the ledge because I can see it in my mind's eye and he just looks so... so... HAWT. I dunno, maybe I'm a fangirl (oh, yes, I'm a fangirl) but I just love it when guys do that. Sigh. Thank you for the eye candy.
"the shining city that blinded the stars..." I like this a lot, because there is praise and sorrow, beauty and a soft sort of subtle angry contempt in it. I don't know if that's what you were going for, but the sentiment I'm getting just from that one sentence is "yes, it's pretty, but it blots out the beauty around it; why do humans always have to be that way?"
Oooh, "the jewels of Atlantis." That does a lot of different things for me - implies his age, has him waxing just a tad poetic (although in a sad, almost bitter way, but still), and just makes me shiver a little, the way I do when I read a good Tarzan or Conan the Barbarian novel. I think that last part is just the Atlantis thing, though. I always think of sword-and-sandal type stories when I think of Atlantis for some reason.
I absolutely LOVE "Cold." Gah! Love it. It's so him. It's part of the official "Once Upon a Time Soundtrack." D
"Heartbeat-like rhythm." Jeez, you're killing me here. I like that song okay, but this line, and the "slow beat, the aching sincerity" make me love it.
I can't believe you DID THAT TO ME! The dancing! How could you do the dancing thing to me? Ack! You're right, I went "!" You evil woman! Evil, evil, evil, evil! So evil! I should eat your face off! Except I love your face, even though I don't know what it looks like. So I won't eat it. But still! Gah!
He moves so smoothly, and she puts his hand on her waist (I think that part might have unintentionally influenced a potential later scene in Once, hmmm). And then he slides it along her waist to her back and then she touches his shoulder and you know it's just like, sizzle-sizzle for him (at least, in my opinion). And... actually, I have a question - are they smiling during this moment? Or is it that intense I-love-you stare instead? Anyway, and then there's him tightening his hold and they're so close and she rests her head on his shoulder and it's so romantic and sweet and cool...
AND THEN IT NEVER HAPPENED! YOU ARE EVIL!
Oh, you said "monetarily mean that Nuada had to..." and I think you meant "momentarily" instead.
Although I like that her head drops onto his shoulder and he doesn't mind. And a random real quick thing - did you know there's a t-shirt that says "cupcakes - what our brains taste like to zombies" ? Yeesh. Anywho...
May I ask why you picked "Dance with the Devil?"
OH! And she asks the question that she normally refuses to let herself think about - why protect evil faeries and despise humans? How can you condemn an entire race? That's been building for a WHILE. I was wondering... could I take the question (as worded here) and put it by itself in a chapter of Once Upon a Time later on? Probably chapter 52 or 53, actually. Would that be okay if I credited you? Because I want her to ask that, and I remember asking if I could borrow up until the first kiss and make it canon but I can't find a place to put the entire thing. But I *can* find a place to put the question. So... can I use it? *hopeful face*
Ha! "Don't you dare get preachy with me, Your Highness." You tell him, honey!
I love the racial memory thing. Love it. Especially since Dylan mentions race-consciousness in chapter 9.
"like dissolving daylight..." so pretty! Eeek!
I also love that he wants to be alone with Dylan, no interruptions, etc. I love that. But at the same time, there's this nuance to it because he doesn't want anyone to know, it feels like, and so there's the... the potential for it to turn into a dirty little secret, but it's not a dirty little secret. It's a special sacred secret... I dunno. Does that make sense?
"...the light leaving his eyes almost like a candle being snuffed out and leaving nothing but smoke behind." I. Love. This. Line. So much! Eeek! I love! *raptures*
I love how they skirt so close to her finding out that he wants to wipe out humanity. It's almost Alfred Hitchcock, with the "oh, oh, oh! is he gonna say it? Is she gonna ask what he plans to do about the humans? What's gonna happen?" And he doesn't want to talk about it with her. He's... almost afraid to let it continue, I feel. "Let it alone." There's an unspoken "please" at the end of that. I like it. I don't know if that's how you meant for it to come across, but that's what I got from it. *shrug* I love it, personally. And he says it all with a single word - "Madoigna." An endearment. "My brown one." There's just so many nuances and layers to that one single paragraph.
Why is he smiling? Just curious, because she doesn't know. So why is he smiling?
Oh, oh, oh. He put his arm around her! Oh, rapture. Love. Joy. Happiness! I love the thumb brushing across the knuckles, and how she soaks up his warmth and she loves his heartbeat. I adore that part.
And now I'm back to hating you. Gah! The kiss. Kisses, rather. Grrrr. You're right - I love you and hate you and want to slay you and want to hug you all at the same time. How could you do this horrible thing to me, Ocean? How! How could you torment me like this? You enjoy my pain, don't you? Don't you? Argh. The aching and the hesitation and the sorrow and the hopelessness and the love and all of it is soooo... I can't even describe. You're killing me, Ocean my love!
Kiss #1: Why so brief, Nuada? What are you so afraid of? Seriously. I mean, I'm not telling him to shove his tongue in her mouth or anything, but what are you, Nuada, twelve? Why you keep it so short? I wanna strangle you! Do you know how romantically frustrated I am right now? *smacks Elf prince* It's your fault, too, not Ocean's. She's only got so much to work with, you stubborn Elf. Anyway, my words to Ocean are this: I like it. Even though it's short. It made me go "argh!" It is brief, like a breath (as you say). Her response of "that was it?" is perfectly apt. That was my response too. I wanna whack him so bad. Why did he step back? What is he thinking at this moment? You don't say - it's almost all from her POV at this point. What's he thinking right then?
Kiss #2: I can't believe he pushed her away! What was he thinking *then*? Why does he do that? Doesn't he want her? Doesn't he want to kiss her? I love how you describe it though - the desperation, the need for something real. I love it. But what is he thinking? Why push her away? Why is he outraged, affronted? And here's a question, how did she get him in a position where she could kiss him without his consent? He outweighs her by like, forty pounds, he's more than 10x stronger than she is, blah-blah-blah. So he wanted it, even if it was deep down where he didn't want to deal with it on a conscious level. I love that the first kiss is described as "ephemeral or insubstantial as a single breath." I love that "inside Dylan crumbled." Who's unsure of what to do, though - Nuada or Dylan? I love that she's barely breathing.
Kiss #3: Here we go! The jackpot. I love that his head bows, that he looks so defeated (although again, what is he thinking?). I love the forehead-touch thing. I have a soft spot for it for some reason. Don't ask why. Oh, he lingers. Slow and soft instead of fleeting. Yay! And I love that she follows his lead because she doesn't really know what she's doing. And there's such nervousness in her part of the kiss because she's worried about being rejected again (stupid Nuada). This kiss has so much need, so much wanting, so much longing and love and aching and restraint. I love it so much. I want it to last forever. Forevers! Eeekies. I love it so much. It drives me nuts that it ends. Kisses should never end - that's LA's new philosophy, lol.
How did they go from kissing to going home? I don't mean in the fic, I just mean logistics. How did they manage to pull themselves together? How awkward was the walk home? Did they say anything to each other? What were they thinking about? I'm just wondering, I'm so curious. I love it so much, this whole thing. I can't believe I didn't review this sooner! I'm so sorry for being such a slacker. I will try to get the review for chapter 5 up soon, I promise. D
I love you, Ocean!
| Reinamarie Seregon chapter 3 . 1/8/2012
Interesting idea, LA knight does not mind? I think i saw her fic once, not bad except that he can fall in love with a human. Nuada hates humans. :00
| LA Knight chapter 5 . 1/7/2012
Dearest OceanFire, Purveyor of All Awesomeness, Kindler of Romantic Sparks, Brilliant Penner of Epic Love Stories (I don't think "penner" is a word, but oh well),
so I'm actually going to write 2 reviews for chapter 5, because it's amazing! And because it's so long (yay! A long piece from you! I'm so happy!) that I'm worried I might run out of room if I review in my usual style AND answer your review prompts so yeah...
So this is the answers to your questions because my review is going to take a super hecka long time for me to write and I have a lot of people I have to write back to (blargh yet fun) but I didn't want to keep you waiting. So I'm actually gonna say a couple things first.
A) AWESOME! I love it so much! Hug me! It's amazing!
B) Why didn't they kiss? I know, I know, you and I are both into the waiting and drawing things out, but it was so... so... romantic and beautiful and physical without being slutty and THEN THERE WAS NO KISS! I about died. There was pathetic whining sounds coming out of my mouth and everything. Are we ever gonna see them kiss? I mean... I suppose I shouldn't be too grouchy/sad because they haven't actually kissed on the mouth in my fic yet (both times there was lipstick on Wink it was a quick, chaste goodbye kiss). But... ooh! Oooh! Challenge! The two times Wink comes back to Nuada with lipstick on him... what happened? Please write more Lorelei and Wink stuff. Please!
C) I love the thing about how Wink is like, "I'm never telling her about the Golden Army." It throws him and Nuada in the same boat. Love that.
Okay, your questions.
1) I'm thinking the fenris, because of the thorns (they have a thing for blood) and because of the color of the rose (they have a thing for red, because it's the color of sex and blood). A djinn... I'd see a djinn (being Arabian) getting her like... I dunno, a lotus or something. Some Middle Eastern flower. I mean, I know they have flowers in Arabian countries. And why, dearest heart, were the thorns left on the rose? You said to ask, so I'm asking, lol. D Is it a threat? Like, "be with me or else?"
2) As for what Wink would do... I think it would depend, actually. The thing is, the way I see it, powerful and dangerous males (like Wink and Nuada) have a serious advantage over the more diminutive fae women (I mean, Wink is upwards of 8 feet tall and weighs like, 2 tons or something; Lorelei weighs, what, a buck-twenty? I see her as being slender, though sort of tall, but still, tall for a woman is like, 6 feet, so she's still 2 feet shorter than Wink). Because of this, I feel like there should be a sort of courtship protocol going on where there are rules against massacring your lady's other suitors. I mean it would be one thing if they were married, but... well, they're not.
So what I see is if Wink found out another guy was courting Lorelei and she didn't really mind, he'd just be like, "Meh. Poor b*****d. It's hard not to fall for her, isn't it?" Kind of like how in chapter 37 Wink's just like, "Tough luck, Boyo. Sorry." But if the guy was actually bothering her, he'd be like, "Hmmm. Time to teach some manners to this whelp." And if the guy was scaring Lorelei or threatening her... we'd see Scary Wink from the auction house and the throne room scenes.
As for what the admirer would do... well, I really am feeling the fenris (if that doesn't make me sound like a complete loser). And if it's the fenris... well, this is what fenris do. They go out every few weeks, looking for hot teenage girls and women to rape and eat. If they manage to fixate on one, I'd imagine they'd just have sex and nibble a bit, but they're also really prone to serious bouts of rage and rage-induced violence. So if the fenris was the one, and he found out about Wink and Lorelei... I see him attacking Lorelei. Sexually? I don't know. I mean, she's supposed to be one of the hottest types of water fae in the world, so I don't know. But I see him trying to attack her (and knowing she's a siren-type faerie, he'd probably pull an Odysseus and use balls of wax in his ears to avoid her powers affecting him).
Depending on who it is... if Lorelei got hurt, I see it becoming a concern for Nuada. Actually, now my brain is running away from me, and what it's saying is, "Lorelei gets sexually assaulted, Dylan is called in as a counselor-type-person, and the fenris sets his sights on both women." Which then makes it Wink's, Nuada's, and John's problems. And then I see John taking the fenris out. But that's just my brain. Take that or leave it, as you choose. )
3) Now, because I was talking about the fenris, I'm hearing "Little Red Riding Hood" by Sam the Sham & the Pharaohs. But okay... let's see. Songs for Wink and Lorelei. Just have to say, my choices won't be as apt as yours.
Bullseye - Aly & AJ (because the whole point of the song is about how this guy really hit the bullseye with the girl because instead of falling all over himself doing hokey things to pursue her, he knows exactly how to get her; which makes me think of Wink, and the gentle touching)
Lorelei - Blackmore's Night (lol; although more how some people might think of the relationship. "She's a Rhinemaiden, dude. She's legendary. You have no chance." That sort of thing).
I'm Under Your Spell - from Buffy the Musical Episode (all about find and falling for the person who completes you)
As the World Falls Down - David Bowie (I love this song; "I'll paint you mornings of gold; I'll spin you valentine evenings...")
Hanging by a Moment - Lifehouse (of course, lol)
Like I said, though, your choices are so much better than mine. And because there's like, no angst between them and it's easier for me to find songs about angsty-love instead. So that's my failing. Sigh. But yeah, so... I'll be back later to super review the whole thing. I love it so effing much! Eeek! I want more Wink and Lorelei!
| WhenNightmaresWalked chapter 4 . 10/21/2011
Aw. This is so sweet. Way better than my First Kiss challenge, haha. I like the switch towards the actor's personality instead of the character's, 'cause it makes this scene way less angsty than it would have been otherwise.
I like the songs you choose to have on the radio. "Cold", I think, is really a good song for Nuada. Especially the first verse and, "What I really meant to say is I'm sorry for the way I am..." I love it.
And then Dylan and Nuada hallucinatory slow-dancing. So sweet and yet so disappointing, 'cause it doesn't actually happen. P
The transition to Dylan's existential argument however seems a little abrupt. Like, first she's just pretending to dance and then BAM! Let's challenge the core of Nuada's beliefs! I was just wondering what exactly prompted that.
Ah, and then the kiss itself. Or kisses, rather. One brief, chaste, just a simple peck on the lips. The other desperate, clinging to the only tangible manifestation of feeling. And finally they come together, slow and sweet and growing increasingly passionate, steadily undoing them both. That's just awesome.
"Fool", by Shakira. That's a perfect way to end that. It's something Nuada will be calling himself later, I daresay.
| LA Knight chapter 3 . 10/2/2011
Dearest, darlingest OceanFire9, who is a literary genius of epical proportions whose words fill my everbeating heart with ecstasy and joy!
So, I have to say, I thought this was The First Kiss challenge entry when my husband came back from the library and said, "Oh, and OceanFire9 updated her challenge collection with a third chapter." I started bouncing up and down and reaching for it, going, "Gimme it! It's The Kiss! Gimme, gimme, gimme it! PLEASE GIVE IT TO ME!" And do you know, he actually had the gall to laugh at me. Said I was "so funny." I was like, "You do not UNDERSTAND! This is OceanFire we're talking about! She is a genius! She is epic! She makes me so happy I could cry sometimes! So give me that flashdrive!"
He finally did, and then imagine my sorrow when I plugged it in and pulled up the page and it WASN'T the kiss. I was like, "Gasp! No! How could you do this to me, Ocean?"
Then I started to read and promptly forgot any and all sorrow in my paroxysms (sp?) of unadulterated fangirl joy. So now that you know what kind of mood I'm in, lol, we'll begin with the actual review.
OMG! OMG! OMG! Anya's BPRD! OH! You are SO freaking clever, you genius lady, you! CLEVER! Like a fox. That IS cool! Now I know why you lost sleep over it. You're so smart, I just want to pet your brain and give it Smartees.
Wait... she told Broom and Abe about Dylan? What exactly did she say? Just wondering in case it has any bearing on how I might use Anya in the future (she's slated to appear in chapter 32 which goes up on Friday, actually).
"...making her inherited Eastern European features look more somber and disheartened than an impressionist-painted raincloud..." You know what's so GREAT about this sentence, O Queen of Word Craft? I don't even know what it actually means (about the raincloud - what's so different from an Impressionist versus, say, a Renaiscance... I hate that word... painted raincloud?) but even though I don't know the nitnoid real life part of it, I still get what it means. Yay!
Huh. I didn't know Abe had an aquarium. For some reason I thought it was just this dinky tank. Like, maybe the size of a large closet or something. I like this better. D
They're in Fairfield, huh? That is also good to know. Did you know you are one of my main sources for HB information? Like Nuada being a techno geek (wow, what a hot geek. Yum).
"Have you considered then, perhaps, that maybe whatever happened to her is a secret of her own that she needs to keep?" That is... I don't know why, but I just like this question. Maybe 'cause it's deep? I don't know. I just really like it. And Abe is SO smart! And the follow up to that question about importance and Anya's secret.
So, quick question, then - "Anya's Choice." What was she choosing? To tell Dylan and John about the BPRD? Or something different? Just curious. Do I have to wait for the epicalness of "Anya's Choice" before finding out? I think I might die, my dear. Painfully and slowly, in agony.
Awwww! Abe/Anya bonding moment with the hand-touching thing. And wow, she was really worried about Dylan. Or is it that she has a thing for Abe and *that's* why she smiled when they "touched hands?"
NO! I'm at the end! I am so tired of reading great pieces and getting to the end! Do you know what that does to my sense of purpose-in-lifeness? It makes it fragile! So very fragile! How am I supposed to survive the wait for more of your greatness, Ocean of Dreams? Hmmm? How am I supposed to live, knowing that it could be a whole month or more before I receive anymore gifts of delight and literary rapture from your fair fingers and knife-sharp mind? What if I die of the yearning before you post another piece?
I suppose I must be satisfied with the word-crumbs from your writing table. I will... try... not to become too despondent over my withdrawal from that which has addicted my brain since reading "Red Under the Moon" - your sheer brilliance with words.
Anyways, I love you, OceanFire! Your amazingness fills my life with happiness. Your words make me smile, wince, cringe, laugh, squeal, and say "awwww!" I adore them, so much. Hope you enjoyed writing this just as much as I enjoyed reading it.
Loves and hugs to you!
| LA Knight chapter 2 . 8/29/2011
Okay, you know my first (and most likely only) complaint: it's too short! Seriously, once I read Casino Diamond, Princess, and Pastime, WHERE am I going to get my Ocean-Awesomeness? How will I satisfy my craving? Hmmmm? *narrows eyes in a dangerous way* This was your plan all along, wasn't it? *gasp of ah-HA!* To hook me onto your addictive literary genius until I get so far in over my head that I'm drowning, and then you won't even throw me a flipping pool noodle!
Eeek! Throw me a noodle, quick! Oh, too late. *drowns*
*resurrected by Review Reaper Guy* And I'm back!
So... I gotta say, because of the lyrics at the beginning (I LOVE that song, btw, and listened to it over and over again while reading this ficlet/chapter), I looked at this fic in what may have been a different light than I might have otherwise, if that makes sense. Was that your intention? Especially because of the line that comes right after that: "I'm falling even more in love with you." I'm curious, in your version of the fic-verse, is Nuada already starting to fall for her? Or is it just obsessive fascination because she's so different and confusing and strange?
"Found, returned, she wasn't even lost or borrowed to begin with." Oooh. I like this for some reason. Like, a lot. It speaks of mystery to me. Like there's more to this thought than even he realizes. Or it could just be hunger getting to me, and I'm looking too much into it. But I'm just curious as to the whole "neither lost nor borrowed" thing. I know that's not the direct quote, but I'm curious about if that has any kind of deeper significance about his feelings or thoughts or whatever, since you strike me as a very deliberate sort of writer.
Oooh! You quoted me again! Cool. D
"And for a while in recent days, he thought he could finally do that. Thought he could finally get the troublesome human and all the thoughts she brought with her out of his head at last." Oooh, I love the "finally," because it shows that he's had a hard time not thinking about Dylan, which I love. LOVE. Ooooh! *squiggles in ecstasy* You're one of those writers that if you sat down and wrote every freaking second of the 3 months where they don't see each other from Nuada's POV, I'd lap up every word like a happy cat with cream. Because I totally want to know what "all the thoughts she brought with her" were. I can pick out shades and nuances from your writing that a lot of fanfics lack, and I love doing that. D And later, you talk about how he got headaches from thinking about her so much, and especially the line "just when his thoughts were all his own," makes me want to pick at those nuances forEVER (the fact that he's willing to even imply ownership of anything of his to a human is *gasp* very telling). Yeah, I know you don't have time, but that's just how amazing you are. Holy crow. I wuvs you so much. *snuggly-wuggly huggles*
"Of course, it would be just his luck to end up seeing her again, wouldn't it?" See, he's so cute right here. He doesn't even sound mad, just exasperated. Lol. D
Wow. He's sighing into his drink. He's got it bad, hahaha. OMG, and he can't sleep (implied because he can't stop thinking about her). You are KILLING me here! I love you. Finally, some obvious Dylan-centric Nuada love. You have no idea (well, maybe you do, since I complain to you a lot, lol) how much I want to have him wallow in thoughts of her, but I always worry I can't keep him in-character if I do that. Your ficlets are perfect! But I must know... why can't he sleep? What thoughts are keeping him up at night? With how hard he trains every day, surely they've got to be some complicated thinkings to give him insomnia. You tell LA in a PM? D
Again, maybe I'm just looking too much into this because I'm desperate, but the fact that he noticed the flowers in her hair (and what color they were!) as well as showing a preference for the dress she wore speaks volumes to me. So many volumes (in the words of Ecnelis)!
Oooh, oooh, oooh! Must know! Why did he go rigid? What is he thinking (besides basically, "Holy crap, she's looking at me!" Which is absolutely adorable, by the way - "Right at him." I can just hear the silent "Ack!" in that statement)? I know, I ask so many questions, but since we is on speaking terms (typing terms? PMing terms?) I don't feel as bad as I would normally. You don't mind, do you, O Magnificent One?
I think I'm gonna tweak chapter 8 so that she did see him at the faire. I like that she saw him. Can I use it (more fanon for you)?
ACK! Come ON, Anya! Jeez! *smacks Anya* Ruin the staring-moment, jeez!
Oh, wow, he moved closer. Part of me wants to go "awwww!" Especially 'cause he didn't try to get away, but tried to get CLOSER! To a human! A human woman! OMG!
Okay, one other complaint. Dylan wouldn't cuss (even the D-word) over something that small. I personally feel that if you're gonna use the word "drat" (as Nuada does), she'd be the one to use it. She definitely wouldn't cuss over that. I think I have her cuss maybe 3 times in the entire fic (including the unwritten bits). Two of them are when Nuada is seriously injured and being a blockhead. So that's my eensy-weensy complaint. I don't have anymore (other than too short! Mooooooom! You're killing me! Again. You have to pay for my funeral, you know, lol).
"...he could hear her mutter... before resigning herself to his absence and re-joining her friends." I *love* that he can see that she has to resign herself to the fact that he's gone. That she's so disappointed, he actually noticed. I wonder what that says to him about her? Do you know, O Genius One of all Literary Geniuses?
"And he was losing sleep over it, which was never something that any man of any race was wanting to do, usually." Losing sleep, huh? *cue psuedo-dirty mind* I know I said this before, but... why's that? *wink nudge*
"He didn't want to be honest with himself just now." BEST ENDING LINE EVER! Hehehehehehe. D
Favoriting... wait, already did. Meh. And you're on my alerts. I can't do anything else! Waaaaaaaahhhhhh! Oh, well, I love you and your work! OMG! *snuggles* You're so my favorite Ocean.
| WhenNightmaresWalked chapter 1 . 8/24/2011
I was directed to these drabbles by the great LA Knight herself and instructed to review. So here I am.
I love LA's story, very very much, and I love the characters and world she has created. You capture them both wonderfully, as well as what they would have normally been doing if they weren't always running around getting injured all the time. I love the way you portray their thought processes, with Dylan's thoughts being kept in line by the to-do list of every day things, and Nuada's thoughts battering against the focus on his task. It's very good, very intrinsic to their personalities, and since LA has not posted for a while, this has suitably tided me over for a while. ) Bravo. Now for me to go write my own drabbles. .
| Crystal chapter 1 . 8/23/2011
Write another, have them meet again, it is a good story! :)
| LA Knight chapter 1 . 8/22/2011
you have exceeded all my expectations. I adore you. And screw the word-limit. From now on, no word limit (I posted an AN to that effect in one of my author's notes). It just limits your guys' amazingness. So don't worry about it. But awwww! I'm a decent buddy and decent writer. Yay! I try to do right by you guys (especially you, with your epic Red Riding Hood-ness and your AVP awesome-possum-ness). I am so favoriting this, by the way. And putting it on my alerts. And really? You hate Nuada/OC and Nuada/OHC? I had no idea! So what made you want to read "Once Upon a Time?" Just wondering. And yay! I impressed you despite the hate of the pairing. Rock on! *huggies*
Anyway, to business. So, I'm gonna go through and mention things I liked, things I absolutely loved, and fangirlish requests (as I don't have anything I didn't like; sorry!).
Things I liked:
1) You remembered the cat! Poor Bat doesn't get enough screen time, really. I plan on bringing him in more, but you remembered him! Even though it was just a small thing about feeding him, you remembered he existed. And considering (as an owner of 4 cats) how easy it is to forget to feed him, that little touch gives the whole thing an added sense of realism.
2) The mention of the camping trip. Mormons camp. They do it all the time. I personally hate camping (no indoor plumbling? Ahhhh!) but most of us don't. And Dylan would go camping, especially because she's LDS and lives so close to the Canadian border/wilderness, and because getting away from people every so often would just be necessary for her peace of mind. And I like that it's only for the weekend because she actually feels guilty about taking more than a couple days for herself (which hasn't even been posted yet! You and the other 2 challenge-doers are like, tapping into my brain, you geniuses you!).
3) You remembered the nightly scripture study. Your attention to detail makes me happy. D
Things I loved (there's more things I liked, but I'm doing it by section):
1) The way it reads to me, is that the reader at first thinks that the whole big plot point is that she's damaged. Then they think that it's faeries. Then they think it's rape. What I absolutely love is that the "crux of the matter" is none of those things. It's Nuada. I love that. It shows a depth of thought and feeling in Dylan about him that comes across effectively without being belabored, if that makes sense. I love it.
2) I love that she's thinking of Nuada as she's getting ready for bed. Maybe it's just my (pseudo) dirty mind, but that just speaks volumes to me. Volumes. Both of a sexual nature, and of just the way she sees him. A comfort. A security blanket. Almost like her stuffed animal that she clings to in the dark when the shadows press close (as we have seen she does). And considering the nature of their meeting (brought together by sexual violence), and the fact that he is predatory, male, and a very physical being, the fact that he's a comfort to her is pretty incredible. And also sad, as you go on to mention that he loathed humans.
3) I absolute adore this paragraph: "Somewhere, out there, was someone incredible. A man. An elf. Her rescuer and one-time host." She finds him incredible. I love this. What guy doesn't like hearing that a girl thinks he's incredible? I know my husband does. It's cute, almost.
And then you follow up the cuteness with (what is at least for me) a brief moment of... not sexual tension. That's not what I'm thinking of. What is it? Basically, the reader becomes aware without anything physical happening between two characters, or even anything even non-physical happening, that one of the characters feels a certain way about another one. I don't know what that's called (stupid LA, gah) but that's what just happened. Because although Nuada is an Elf, and most people would be like, "OMG! A faerie!" the first thing Dylan thinks about him is not that he's an Elf, but that he's a man. And that just tells me a lot about not only how she feels, but about how you as one of my most perceptive readers feel about how she feels. And I love that.
4) The fact that his loathing of humans hurts her. It's very subtle in "Once," which makes me glad that you picked up on it. And you portray it well here. It's a simple statement, but again, it speaks volumes about both who she is, and how she feels about him, without explicitly stating anything. I adore your way with subtlety, dear-heart. For reals. D
5) The whole "Breathe in, breathe out... Lie in bed and stare at the ceiling... pointlessly." I like that a lot, actually. I'm not even sure why, just that I love the image of Dylan lying in the dimness (never the dark; she has at least 4 nightlights in her bedroom), trying not to think of Nuada, trying not to remember the attack, and trying not to let Nuada's attitude and influence in her life hurt her... but it's all pointless. It sums up what you said in the beginning: her body may have healed physically, but she still bears the scars. And that's shown in the fact that she's lying in bed, unable to sleep, staring at the ceiling, reminding herself how to breathe. LOVE IT.
Okay, before I go any further, I think you won. Especially since no one else has done this challenge and August is almost over. So, yeah.
Now, onto things I liked about Nuada's section. This one, being shorter, has somewhat less stuff. But one thing I loved, loved, loved: the way he's trying to focus on the goblin machinery, but at the same time his "I'm-distracted-by-this-infuriating-human-who-makes-no-sense" self is thinking about Dylan and his "I-hate-humans-and-they-should-all-just-die" self is like, "Shut up, shut up, shut up! Gah!"
Okay, LOVED: "Questions are a nuisance. Even moreso when it's your own mind that pesters you with them and demands an answer, just one, that makes sense. Questions are like curses, they hover over you until something practically breaks itself in order to resolve it. And that's what Nuada does now, question and curse, and he can feel his skull almost cracking apart as his thoughts shout loudly in his brain; whirling around and around, like his lance when he trains, or the delicate gears of a fine piece of goblin-work, like the one that he tries to work on now. Damn her." Why? Because you don't even mention Dylan, but as soon as he says "damn her," you know that the two paragraphs before this were actually all about her. Fantastic! *writhes in happiness* You genius woman you! Have I mentioned yet that I adore you?
Oh, and how he's working on the Goblin thing and then his mind yells shut up really loud right when the mechanism snaps in place. Just the timing of the words was really good. LOVE.
"And before he puts his head in his hands, before he breaks himself again against all these thrice-cursed thoughts, the one question that he hates most and always fights to push down and away, out of sight out of mind, whispers delicately up from the quiet black before he can ignore it again." Oh. Oh, oh, oh. *quivery sigh* OH. MY. Beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. I can't even tell you. *gasps in rapture* I don't know why this sentence pulls at me so much, but it does.
Which leads me to my fangirl request. I am very, very curious: what does this mean? "And before he puts his head in his hands, before he breaks himself again against all these thrice-cursed thoughts..." I am very interested in this "breaking himself again" thing. What has our Elf Prince been thinking about all this time? What has his heart been telling him that his brain has been trying to drown out? Ugh, I know you're busy, but now I really want this to be longer and more in-depth so I can get all the amazing nuances and coolness floating around so amazingly in your brain! Ocean, I want your brains. Gimme. *sigh* But you're busy and I don't have any way to compensate you and I feel so fat and greedy asking but it's just so amazing and you capture Nuada so well and I WANNA KNOW ABOUT THIS PART MORE! *pants heavily* Okay, I'm calm now.
Okay, no I'm not.
*falls to knees and grabs the bottom of Ocean's pant leg* Ocean! I need more! I need it, I need it, I need it! You can't hook someone on drugs and then not provide! Well, you can, but you shouldn't. It's mean. OCEAN! I'm gonna die without more of this! AAAAAHHHHH! *insert Gollum-ish scream of anguish here* My precious... need the precious...
Lol. D FANTASTIC! Oh, and best ending line EVER! I LOVE YOU! *glomp-hug of happy doom*
PS - Mind if I use Joyce/Anya later?
PPS - I told xxyangxx2006 and Captain Zombie I would tell you this; they've done challenge entries too (Captain's isn't up yet, though) for me, and I thought it would be cool if all the challenge-doers reviewed each other's work. I've already talked to Yang (her piece is for chapter 6, it's called "In the Dark") and Captain Zombie. So... yeah. How do you feel about that?
PPPS - I wish I could review this a million times, just so I could keep telling you how epic you are. Sigh.