|Reviews for Twinleaf Is The New Konoha|
| just a guest chapter 13 . 11/18/2012
please continue this!it's so awesome!MINATO AND KUSHINA STILL HAVEN'T MEET UP YET!
| GiggleHeMan chapter 1 . 3/23/2012
I checked this out after I read your other story, Double Trouble, I'm liking it so far. Looking forward to seeing where you take this story. _
| AnonymousIsSleepy chapter 13 . 3/23/2012
I hope you continue this fic soon... It's getting pretty interesting :]
Hahaha... I do so wonder what will happen when Minato meets Volkner. Wonder what happens if Flint meets Minato too... I can imagine him saying, "Volkner, you shrunk and regained your fire for battling!" Then he meets up with the real Volkner.
I also wonder what will happen if Jiraiya tries to peek at anyone... in Hoenn huh?... Lavaridge hot springs is a very popular destination for the elderly. xD
Wonder if the Hoenn group is having trouble with criminal organizations too...
Anyways, keep up the great work and hope your hiatus ends soon. Your fic Double Trouble is pretty cool too, with Minato being half jinchuuriki?
I can't wait for the next update! (for both your fics!)
| SuperiorShortness chapter 13 . 3/10/2012
Hmmm I hope people stop coming, I kinda like the idea of the random first wave people alone in the pokemon world :P.
| EVA-Saiyajin chapter 13 . 3/8/2012
WOW. I had just started and finished the first twelve chapters of this story yesterday, and the next day, a new chapter appears. Talk about coincidence. I'm liking this story very much! The characterization is great, the details good, well written, I heartily approve of the ISA (Informal Shinobi Alliance) members taking down Teams-too-many-names (Rocket, Galactic, Magma, etc.). Keep up the great work!
| EVA-Saiyajin chapter 7 . 3/6/2012
Good story so far, well written and detailed. I like the idea of a bunch of dead Shinobi working together to create a new life in a new land. Keep up the great work!
| Phoenix Lee Evyns chapter 12 . 10/14/2011
a great idea for a story and so far, very cute too. I am glad that Minato and Kushina have been reunited and that Naruto can have more siblings once they have grown up enough to have them, even though they are on a totally separate world from their eldest son who may or may not join them once his time comes.
I look forward to reading more so please update soon.
| Reaper Nanashi chapter 12 . 10/11/2011
Well, like I said, I can't offer any insight on the Pokéworld part of it, so I won't even try (I had to look up a lot of the pokémon you mentioned). Although I did like how Minato doesn't think much of the Magikarp—wait until she evolves!
The only thing that really jumps out at me is that you have plenty of dialogue, but not a lot of narrative; this makes the surroundings and especially the characters a little lackluster much of the time. You needn't describe every tiny piece of what's around, but it helps. For example, if they're in a forest, is the ground clean or littered with debris? Are the trees tall? Old? Knarled? Does it seem dark? Is the canopy thick or can sunlight get through to the forest floor? How does that affect the growth on the ground? How does it smell? What are they hearing? There's no reason or need to answer all of those questions all at once; sprinkling the answers throughout the narrative gives the readers time to experience each bit of the setting and then add it to an overall mental picture.
Examples of better narrative are so far limited to chapter twelve (regarding the golduck in particular) and parts of the introductions chapters; through those you explored the characters' thoughts, feelings, and personalities, and ideally you should be doing that everywhere in the narrative. Pick one or two characters for the entire story or on a per-chapter basis (too many at once can be confusing) and follow just them so the readers can get to know them better. This gives them that extra dimension which helps readers sympathize and empathize with the characters and really drag them into the story. Further, expanding on the narrative will reduce the number of line breaks you need per chapter, which can be disorienting sometimes, as it's indicating that focus and knowledge has to shift suddenly, and the readers don't necessarily know who to move on to if you're trying to cover multiple people in multiple groups each chapter.
So I'd advise picking one group for each chapter, and then—as long as there aren't too many in the group—checking in with each character so the readers can get to know them. Readers will understand right off that the chapters are happening more or less simultaneously, and to keep things organized you can bring the groups' timelines back together in a non-intrusive way by having them hear about each other's competitions on a radio or see them on a television or meet up at a specific place.
Other than that, it looks nice. Your grammar and spelling are good, the dialogue isn't awkward, and things are moving along. I'm eager to see the married couples meet up, mainly because I'm a huge sap. But I'm sure it'll be very sweet, regardless of whatever violence is wrought first.
| IllusoryMoon chapter 12 . 9/29/2011
Hello again... don't know why I didn't just take my review from chapter 11 and combine it with this one. Oh well, what's done is done.
Well first things first, this might be irrelevant but I'd like to point out that Shinx and its evolution line are more like lions and dogs, but whatever it a small matter, not very important.
I didn't expect Itachi catching a Golduck so that was kinda surprising. Also at the very brief mention of breeding between different Pokemon species that Itachi had, I couldn't help but chuckle a bit since I immediately thought of the Skitty and Wailord breeding controversy/joke.
This chapter also made me see Tobirama as rather competitive, what with him trying to reverse engineer the Hiraishin as well as have a rematch against Haku. That or he's a sore loser, haven't decide which seems more likely yet. :D
Well that's pretty much it for this review, see you next chapter. Keep up the good work~
PS: On a side note, even if this is completely fiction and and is only relevant to this story, I completely support Sakumo x Fuu. Xp
| IllusoryMoon chapter 11 . 9/29/2011
Well first things first, I'd like to admit that I decided to read your story on a whim due to the lack of Pokemon x Naruto stories that interest me, despite my liking to the category. However, I must say that I have very much enjoyed what I've read. Your writing/English is quite good since I have yet to spot grammar and major spelling errors.
Can't wait for the shinobies' reactions when the "too dumb to live" Magikarp evolves into a Gyarados. I'm hoping for a laugh~ :D
Also are you gonna add Fifth Gen Pokemon and mechanics into the story? I think it would be okay... well the mechanics anyways, like new attacks and abilities. I have played DPPl. in a while so I don't know if your actually following the Pokemon habitat/nativity exactly or not, which is why I'm curious to know if your gonna add 5th gen Pokemon to the mix (in the wild that is). It would also be interesting for one of them to capture a 5th gen Pokemon, seeing as there is the Pokedex sub-plot and that Unova Pokemon, if your going for canon nativity, would a rare find in Sinnoh.
Also on a side note (since I forgot what else I was gonna say, but this just popped into my head after some reflecting on what I've read), I'm gonna assume that the summoning jutsu doesn't work, since it would create some problems and possibly plot holes due to Minato, Jiraiya, and Naruto both have contracts with the toads.
Well since I can't recall what else I was gonna say at this point, I'm gonna end it here. I hope to read more, so keep up with the good work~
| AlphaEph19 chapter 12 . 9/26/2011
I really like this concept; I think there's potential for transporting Naruto characters into almost any fandom out there, and Pokemon more than most. That being said, this story didn't really grab my attention. While the interactions between some of Naruto's most powerful and interesting deceased characters are great, there's no sense that the same conversations couldn't have happened anywhere else, or that they even serve a purpose. For 12 chapters in, there's been little to no plot development and no sense that they have a purpose or a mission. This story might have grabbed me more if the shinobi had lost their powers, and so Pokemon became the only means to protect themselves. Or perhaps if they needed to talk to the Elite Four, but the only way to do that was to take the Gym challenge. I guess I'm just hoping for a little more tension, a little more conflict. But then again, things are just starting since they've just set out on their journeys. I'm sure there are obstacles waiting for them down the road.
| Wenxi chapter 12 . 9/18/2011
Well, this is the first Pokemom multichapter story I've actually enjoyed. Is it up to canon with Shisui though?
Love the idea. And I can't wait too see more character development. Good job!
| SilverLunaMoon chapter 12 . 9/16/2011
Great chapters :) And Itachi got a golduck! Didn't expect that XD
| Eirdaru chapter 10 . 9/7/2011
I think that Kurara(Gaara's mom) she protects her son in his sand (her love). I think she deserves to be happy and actually have time with people she loves without dieting as a sacrifice to make a shoddy seal. Yashamaru( Kurara's younger brother) might work but he followed his orders to mess with Gaaras head, so he's not very likable aftr his past deeds. I like your fic and look forward to some updates soon, see u later!
| Nico1302 chapter 10 . 9/7/2011
Well, well, well...
Seems like this story is finally getting started. So our "reborn" shinobis are seperating into smaller groups and going to explore this new world. But I wonder, what reason could they have to still train their ninja arts? Honestly, I don't mind, I just find it strange.
However, more surprising is the fact, that there are more shinobi which were transported into this world. We already know that Kushina Uzumaki is one of them, but who are the others? I wonder when Minato and Kushina will meet each other face to face. I'm pretty sure, it won't take that long.
So, so, so...
Sieht so aus, als würde die Geschichte jetzt so richtig losgehen. Unsere "wiedergeborenen" Shinobis teilen sich jetzt also in kleinere Gruppen auf und erkunden nun diese neue Welt. Doch ich frage mich, welche Gründe sie haben könnten, ihre Ninjakünste weiterhin zu trainieren? Ganz ehrlich, mir macht es nichts aus, ich finde es einfach nur kurios.
Wie auch immer, überraschender ist die Tatsache, dass es noch mehr Shinobi gibt, die in diese Welt transportiert wurden. Wir wissen bereits, dass Kushina Uzumaki eine davon ist, aber wer sind die Anderen? Ich frage mich, wann sich Minato und Kushina von Angesicht zu Angesicht gegenüberstehen werden. Ich bin mir ziemlich sicher, dass es nicht allzu lange dauern wird.