|Reviews for A Fine Line|
| Henderson94 chapter 9 . 6/29/2016
I can guarantee you've gotten some negative feedback for that AN. Just thought you ain't getting it from. Preach it like it is sister!
| elsword75020 chapter 13 . 2/21/2016
WHAT THE HECK ? SERIOUSLY? YOU LET EDWARD (don't like him much) TURN HER WHY THE HECK ? IT WAS LIKE HER VIRGINITY IT RUINES EVERYTHING PIÈCES OF ART THAT IT WAS...
| Blood Of The Depressed chapter 3 . 2/8/2016
Ah, I just love Rosalie.
| Blood Of The Depressed chapter 2 . 2/8/2016
Lol the ghost just got me :D Pretty ok
| Blood Of The Depressed chapter 1 . 2/8/2016
Mhm *nods head and rubs chin* Pretty good pretty good. I like it so far X) It tis interesting
| Guest chapter 13 . 5/5/2015
| Rayne Arianna Maranochi chapter 13 . 3/25/2014
They should have burned him. Just saying.
| Maly chapter 13 . 12/18/2013
Loved your story! You write well for a teen! And never feel force to explain your choice in your writing! Its YOUR choice, YOU are the writer!
| kchris chapter 9 . 8/12/2013
So so sad that Alice was the first to be disgusted by Rosalie and Bella's relationship. Then everyone else, too (save Jasper)?
I really liked this fic. I like that it's from Rosalie's point of view. I like that they deny their feelings for one another for awhile. I don't like that the family is disgusted by homosexuality, and I don't like that Rosalie is so blasé to Bella, even in her statement of "love." Though, generally, I like your characterization of Rose, just not how she approaches love with Bella. I would think, considering her history, she would take relationships and love much more seriously.
Also with the AN at the top, I agree with the comment that things are a bit fast, to my taste (though I understand this is how you want to write the fic, not how it has to be written). It's not that you have to give every-single-little-detail to every-single situation - what you wrote at the top is, I agree full-heartedly, ridiculous. However, it is possible to create more situations for the characters to interact and grow with each other, to get to know them all better. For instance, how has Bella's relationship with Edward changed over time? Since this has been through Rose's point of view, it could have been through observed interactions at school or at the Cullen home (though, you did state that generally Bella wasn't there, so ok). Or, why, if Bella is such good friends with Alice, did Alice throw disgust and disbelief at them? (I'm a huge Alice fan, so I will say I'm biased and distraught that she could be so close-minded).
I do, however, understand that you wanted to have a relatively short fic and not an epic novel. I love this pairing and I think you're doing a good job with it. Don't go knocking other "over descriptive shit" on this site, though. There are some truly great stories on here that bring each character and each situation to life, without over exaggerating every-single-little-detail to every-single situation. "In Another Life" by kathryn518 comes to mind (Bellice). It's epic, descriptive, and doesn't leave any details out without adding unnecessary details that add to the story.
So, in conclusion, you have a very good story so far, but the lack of focus on other characters, feelings, and situations (besides Rosalie and Bella) leaves some questions and can make the reader feel rushed. I am super impressed you have this kind of detail and understanding as a thirteen year old (at the time of you writing this), so I hope you don't take this critique in a bad way. I agree with the guest's comment you mentioned that it feels rushed, and I don't agree that to be more detailed means what you think it means (every-single... I think you get it). I just felt the need to comment since you seemed so adamant about it at the time, but since this was written two years ago, I imagine you've grown as a writer :)
Don't hate the critic, they have the most to teach you. Really though, overall, this is one of the better fics on this site.
| EvilRegalQueen97 chapter 13 . 1/30/2013
| momo chapter 9 . 12/23/2012
I love your story so much. I also love how you told that Isabella chick off!XD. It was hilarious!
| Shay and Shax chapter 13 . 7/8/2012
Hello there! Though I am reviewing as a guest, I do have an account, the guest name being my author name. I went through your story today and I will be reviewing for the entire thing.
It's inspiring to know that someone so young is interested in writing and actually has good grammar skills! Many people on don't use proper grammar, which can ruin even the most complex and interesting story line.
However, as talented as you are for someone your age, there were a few grammar and spelling mistakes.
I understand that writing out stories and extending them can be a pain in the arse, but it does help the reader a lot! The plot was good, but I think it moved very quickly.
Another thing- come up with different ways to describe a scene. It may just be that I've been on FanFiction for too long, but whenever I read a romantic scene, I always see the same description. 'Sparks flew; an electric shock ran up my arm and down my back, leaving chills down my spine.' I understand that that is how the moment may feel, but many authors just seem so damn repetitive!
I also read your author's note to another review that seemed flame-ish. Your reply may seem amusing to others, but I thought it was immature. The reviewer was giving their own type of constructive criticism; only suggesting a sort of improvement that could be made to your story.
Why do people read? Some for school, some to discover and attain new knowledge, and others, like myself, to escape reality. That's why many people love details and dislike it when a good story line isn't detailed enough.
Think of it this way: you're a painter, and your paper is your canvas. Unlike other painters, you paint with words. Your job is to paint a picture for your customer A.K.A. reviewer. If you don't give them the complete picture or leave them with something a 5-year-old could do, well.. rest assured you won't be keeping your job for very long.
TL;DR? Get a beta, don't rant at reviewers who take the time to review and read your story, and add your own writing flair to your pieces.
Have a great day!
| Cara Amnell chapter 13 . 6/4/2012
That was a good story. I was cracking up with your AN in chapter 9!
| thatdamnyank chapter 13 . 5/4/2012
cute story hun good work
| minxbian chapter 9 . 11/5/2011
In response to: (Carlisle nodded. "It's a sin.")
I literally could not stop laughing. It's a bloody sin is it? As if being a vampire is oh so natural, and being prone to sucking human blood is positively holy.