|Reviews for Just Before the Dawn|
| Harlequin chapter 1 . 9/19/2013
Awww...poor Heath. But totally in-character for him. I really like how you didn't use their names for the last two lines of dialogue-it sort of implies that Heath is the "wyvern rider" and Zeiss the "traitor". Nice wordplay there.
| kageshoujo chapter 1 . 9/3/2011
It's six AM and I haven't had sleep yet but you are making me cry.
Heath. Hyperion. Zeiss. I fangirl wyvern riders so much that it's not funny. *sniffle* (don't worry about me, I'm emotional)
Everyone's had their say in constructive critique-I particularly agree with the bits that Heath sounded a little too idealistic, and while that can be and really is one of Heath's attributes, I think it's taken too far.
You mean Legault by the other old man that escaped? XD I don't mind, I'm fond of the Heath-Legault friendship. Not much for romance, though.
It's always pretty clear to me and every FE fan that Heath will turn traitor once Zephiel starts war. This touches a soft stop in my heart. Great job!
| Wyrmseeker chapter 1 . 8/25/2011
Interesting. This reminds me of a fic I published some two years ago, dealing with Miledy rather than Zeiss, and while there are many fundamental differences, I like your take just as much. You do a good job of capturing the mood of both characters; Zeiss feels conflicted between his ingrained devotion to his king and his admiration for Heath, while Heath himself hopes only that the younger rider will be able to learn what he's learned the hard way. You have a lot of excellent descriptions, both of their physical actions and of their emotions, and even though the story is set from Zeiss's perspective, we get a good idea of Heath's feelings as well. My only problem would be the fact that Heath's last few lines are, as you put it, out of "a desperation wrought out of needing to be believed." Heath shown a good deal of strength so far, even when Zeiss seems to believe he's a traitor; why is he suddenly desperate now? It just felt at odds with his behavior in the rest of the fic. Aside from that, this is very good. Excellent work.
| Archived-828948 chapter 1 . 8/24/2011
I don't really have much to say here that hasn't already been mentioned by the other reviewers, but I really loved this piece. While it would have benefited from having a little more meat to it, I liked that it left a lot up to the reader to work out for themselves the circumstances surrounding this meeting.
The bit about Hyperion was just heartwrenching. The wyvern-rider bonds are built up to be really strong, and the detail about them dying together really fits.
All in all, this was a solid piece and I'd love to see more from you. :)
| Writer Awakened chapter 1 . 8/24/2011
I definitely have a soft spot for fanfiction that bridges the gap between FE7 and FE6, so this story was definitely nice to see.
There were a few lines that threw me off: for example, at the beginning "very acutely aware" is a bit redundant, and some of Heath's dialogue sounds more idealistic and less desperate than I'd expect from a man who'd spent so long in prison.
But otherwise I thought this was very, very well crafted. I don't mind the heavy emphasis on dialogue, and the bits about Hyperion added another layer to the meaning of the story-and to Heath's desperation.
| Mark of the Asphodel chapter 1 . 8/24/2011
I've never really thought about these two interacting before, but this was extremely convincing. Little details- like the exchange about Hyperion- had both narrative and emotional impact.
I'll admit up front I've never been fond of Heath and I find a lot of stories about him to be geared by Heath fans, to Heath fans, instead of to general-interest readers who just want a good story. This actually made me care about Heath as a patriot and individual; even the reference to Legault, another character who seems to get used a lot for pure fanservice, made a hard point about the gulf between Heath and Zeiss at this point in their respective careers.
A fine story that left me feeling, at its end, the sorrow and significance of that particular dawn.
| Raphiael chapter 1 . 8/24/2011
Oh wow. I really do love this. I'd never imagined them having this kind of interaction, but you really did a lovely job with this. I was definitely affected by it overall, and I like that you kept it open-ended.
Seconding the suggestion of body language and description addition, but your dialogue for the most part was distinctive and realistic enough that it carried the story for me.
The addition of Legault was especially nice. And Hyperion, oh man.
Really nicely done.
| Xirysa chapter 1 . 8/24/2011
I liked this—the premise and the interactions and all. It was something you've never really seen done before, you know? (And i swear, even though I rather love Heath, I'm not being biased. :P)
Though I do have to agree; some more "body" to the story to drive it, such as body language and the like, would've been nice to see, and the dialog here and there seemed rather melodramatic for such an otherwise serious setting.
I did enjoy the mention of Legault (I'm assuming it was him) and now I'm wondering if he has any eventual importance in the story...? Not going to lie, a "jailbreak" scene featuring him would be very interesting to see.
Nice work, though! I look forward to seeing more.
| Amielleon chapter 1 . 8/24/2011
I like the premise of this. You've made me realize that these two really do have potential for a great dynamic.
While the dialogue drives this piece, I do wish that there was a bit more of things that aren't dialogue. Body language and so on. A few of the lines strike me as needlessly dramatic, for example: "Cannot believe ... hollow lie." I think you have shown Zeiss's disbelief very well, and putting it into words so often repeated diminishes the effect.