|Reviews for Missing You|
| DatNuttyKid chapter 1 . 7/19/2012
I really liked this story. I wish you'd add another chapter for it!
Malon and Link is pretty much the only relationship that could happen in OoT. Zelda, Saria and Ruto are sages. Malon is the normal...est girl that Link meets and possibly likes.
| ShadowNyx3 chapter 1 . 9/22/2011
I really like this story. It is a very well done adaptation to a relationship in Ocarina of Time that was given very little attention.
The biggest strength of this piece lies in the story as it is told by Malon. I find Malon to be a very interesting character, but we are not offered much of a chance to see inside her personality from playing the game. You do an excellent job of establishing a clear, discrete personality from her perspective and you maintain that pace throughout the story.
A weakness that I find in this story comes from the perspective of Link. I feel as though you poured a lot of your own personality into Malon, but at times throughout this piece, I felt as if you spilled some of that personality into what you were righting about Link. Sometimes I felt as if the same character was having a monologue instead of there being two distinct characters (Speaking of which, you should really make sure you start a new paragraph with every new line of spoken dialogue. There were a few instances where both Link and Malon spoke in the same paragraph which was very confusing). Overall, I would say that you should spend some more time thinking about what Link would really say.
As far as more constructive criticism goes, I would say that the spoken dialogue at times is average at best. Sometimes I feel as though these are not two ten year old kids, but teenagers, and at others I am visualizing them as being from a time and place very similar to ours. Unless it is your goal to achieve such an effect, you should really try to create dialogue that fits what the characters are thinking, not the first thing that pops into your head. Dialogue is something that takes a lot of time to craft perfectly, and while I think this story has a long way to go in terms of dialogue, it is far above average and I still enjoyed reading it.
I hope you find this review helpful. I greatly enjoyed reading this story, and I can't wait to read some more of your work.
| SamuraiSal1 chapter 1 . 8/27/2011
Two reviews? That's it? This is an absolutely amazing story, and it only has two review...?
Ah, well. Such is the life of a fanfiction author. :(
This story is completely, one hundred and five percent, totally and utterly awesome. And as this one amazing reviewer once told me... well, count this review as ten, because this story needs more reviews anyways. :)
| Farli30519 chapter 1 . 8/26/2011
very nice. you should do a chapter inn which he came back to rescue her seven years later and they meet again and she remembers this conversation.
| Henryka chapter 1 . 8/25/2011
This is actually pretty good! I did notice that in one sentence you said she instead of I but I still didn't see too many mistakes.
But I think that Link is ten years old, I swear I read somewhere that Adult Link was seventeen years old.
Anyway, I love how you referenced to it with the milk, sword, triforce, slingshot etc. I loved it!
Keep it up! :3