|Reviews for Why did Andy know so much about the Sun?|
| fishe153 chapter 1 . 1/31/2012
NOTE: I review as I read, so I post any reactions of mine that stand out.
'He possibly likes to read a lot.'
Great line. You totally captured Erin's personality here. It brightens your entire fanfiction and makes it seem more real.
'If only he knows that I really like him, I'll be very happy.'
Awkward. Sweet. Relateable. Perfect Erin dialogue. I applaud you again.
'he was chasing a girl who really liked science.'
LOVE this theory. Andy totally would learn about the sun to impress a girl. It's making me more excited to find out what the real reason is.
'Toby: "I don't know. I guess everyboody knows some things better...'
'everyboody' should be 'everybody'
'My parents said if only all their boys were as talented as Walter. I was Walter before so I knew they also meant me.'
Wow! Great line that really picks up on Andy's dynamic. He shows that his parents like Walter more, while still trying to make it seem like they're equals.
'I actually managed got A for all my science classes at school.'
'managed' should be removed, and 'A' should be 'A's'
'Why else would all the girls glanced sideways at me, laughed and whispered to their friends?'
Be consistent with your tenses.
'That Andy is so smart, do you mind if I date him first?'
This is a really funny line. I dig it ;D
'Gabe's question after the window's question.'
'window's' should be 'windows'
All in all, very fun short fic. You captured the characters well, and delivered good laughs along the way. Kudos!
| enchantedink13 chapter 1 . 8/29/2011
I can't see why nobody's reviewed this yet; it was hilarious. In short one-liners, you were able to capture the personality of each character so vividly. I could literally hear them talking as I read the dialogue. Jim's line cracked me up - "I thought he only knew about singing and making nick names," as did Creed's, which was just so... Creed. I'm so glad that I found this cute, light, little story.