|Reviews for Castle in the Air|
| User No Longer Available chapter 7 . 2/20/2012
So Taika is Greek? Cool, I learned something new today! Haha
Man, I really feel bad for her.. not only is her body not compatible with magic, but now she has to give up Saturdays and Sundays too! And I'm seriously curious now to who/what this voice in her head is..
Haha, Brighton.. poor guy. Must be tough being her teacher.
Anyway, hope you post again soon!
| User No Longer Available chapter 6 . 2/18/2012
I thought I had reviewed this, but apparently not..
Even if this was a 'filler' chapter, I still enjoyed it and the information was intriguing. I'm really interested in 'Taika' (I believe you called it that?). I don't think I've seen anyone use a different language for spell casting in their stories, so that was really cool.
Its currently 3am so my brain isn't completely functioning as it should be, so apologize that this review is so short. Anyway, hope to see more of your writing soon!
| User No Longer Available chapter 5 . 12/21/2011
Yay, an update! And such good timing too! I was starting to get really bored and slightly depressed over the lack of story updates in the MS section (even though I haven't updated in awhile either..-looks away guiltily-..)
Anyway, I really enjoyed this chapter, especially with the whole job sampling thing. It never really occured to me how members picked a job, as I sort of just assumed it was something along the lines of: "Here, meet our job instructors. This is a brief summary of each class, now pick one!" Yeahh..your idea is TONS better. Haha.
Also, I'm interested in the whole 'lack of magical compatibility.' Its definitely going to be a struggle for her if her body can't properly handle it..
Well, that's it for now! Update soon!
| BellaMystique chapter 4 . 11/13/2011
omg by far the awesomest fanfic maple related ever
| User No Longer Available chapter 4 . 11/6/2011
Ooh, is she going to change her mind and become a Battle Mage then? No one has a story about one yet (though I know someone planning to) and while I'm more of a WH/Warrior type of player, I still think BMs look freakishly cool when they fight!
I'm really glad you updated! I was wondering what would happen next, and I'm excited to see your next chapter!
| User No Longer Available chapter 3 . 10/31/2011
Why have I not read this story before! Its written well and you tell the story so wonderfully, with great detail - often a little too much detail, but too much is ALWAYS better than not enough, or worse, none at all!
There are a few issues here or there with inappropriate wording, or sometimes missing words - which I think can be blamed on typing, rather than actual writing as I've made that mistake a few times before myself. Currently, I'm on my phone and if you've ever used FFnet mobile, its not the most reviewer friendly. So I can't go back and pinpoint everything, but I did think to mention it, since your A/N asked for criticism. And I won't even begin to try and correct your story, as you're such a better writer than I am. Lol.
Anyway, I'm eager to see the next chapter of this story! I'll be looking for it!
| SEEYANEVER chapter 1 . 10/5/2011
Nice chapter so far. There are a few mistakes. I notice that you occasionally slip from present tense to past tense.
Example: 'His face was marred with wrinkles...'
It should be: 'His face is marred with wrinkles...'
This is quite fascinating. I always wondered how the Big Bang actually worked if Maple Story was real. An earthquake fits very well.
Also another note...
"Say farewell to your precious world," the familiar haunted voice speaks. "For a new story is about to be written!"
Familiar? I am kind of assuming that the speaker is the Black Mage so I wonder how the voice is familiar to Melanie. He *has* been gone for about a few centuries. I'll find out by reading the next chapter?
Off to read~~~
| PokemonTheft xBeyblade chapter 1 . 9/5/2011
Nice chapter! Update soon! :D
| NekomimiToree chapter 1 . 8/27/2011
Oh lord, my brain's going a bit crazy, so I might not be able to concentrate very well with my words. It's currently DRY, HOT, and UTTERLY SUNNY where I live.
A very, very big error in your writing style is your tendency to put in needless details. Nearly every single paragraph contains information that could be written off entirely. When writing, it is important to think about PURPOSE. Why are you putting those words down? What does it reveal about your characters? This is called the Law of Conservation of Detail: every given detail is important. If not, the whole story become an unorganized mess of words. When writing, it is very important to consider the plot, and to write in the direction the plot is going. Here are several details that could be cut entirely from your story:
"I just made it sound like I'm supposed to be going on a date with someone…" This sentence is very misleading to the readers. It gives the air that this story would start off with romance, when it clearly doesn't.
"Ayana is definitely going to get a tongue lashing out of this, I'm sure I'll be able to pull this off..." There's no need to state this if she won't be mad twenty words or so later.
"'Sure thing, Sion!' Argh, not that name again!...because it is my name, even though it's not my first name." This whole segment about her name doesn't have much significance to add to describing the characters. Try a different approach. Or if on the other hand, her name is actually an important detail, you need to execute the idea better.
"She's probably one of the most hyper 15 year olds I know." This comment is innocent enough, but by now, the readers could already tell Ayana is a hyper kid, so no need to state what the readers can figure out on their own.
"'No…?' I reply to her question, my answer sounding a bit hesitant for no apparent reason at all. 'Why?'" Is this line foreshadowing Melanie's back story? It is generally bad practice to hint back stories without giving it proper resolution. There is a fine line between suspense and annoyance. You don't have to go on and on about the back story, just stating "I don't want anyone to know why," would suffice.
"Oh, how I wish I could grab one of those small patrol robots flying everywhere, recording every move of every citizen." This could either be expanded or cut, your call.
That should sum it up. While the first section of the prologue is riddled with flaws, the second part... By lords, I can believe it. It's so so...beautiful, I can't begin to express it. It's been quite some time since a story can actually move my heart. The whole incident with the president was wonderful. I can imagine the swirling clouds, the chaos, and the flying pieces of stone. I swear, if every part of your story can be just like that, we might have a new epic here. It combined the right balance of dialogue, interior monologue, and action. By any chance have you read Mockingjay? This segment reminds me so much of Suzanna Collins's style in certain ways.