|Reviews for First Beach Fiasco|
| HalcyonSeasons chapter 17 . 12/14/2012
At first I was like, "Just do it already!" and then I got to Bella's reasoning, and I totally understood. But now I feel terrible for Jake! Man! This is killing me.
But jeez, Bella doesn't seem to grasp how good she has it.
"I would die for this woman."
I think that if Bella knew that Jake would die for her, and that he wasn't just after sex, she would up and marry him on the spot. Totally.
| HalcyonSeasons chapter 16 . 12/14/2012
Yes. Sweet victory! The dumb bitch is gone! Yes! Makes me happy.
I liked Emmett in this chapter. "She's just a weak little human girl. Get over her, man. She's not worth it!" Yes, Emmett! Exactly, Emmett! He's like the lamer, paler, vampier counterpart to Quil, but that's still a big statement because Quil is a legend. (Crystal falling out of the boat when he wasn't looking STILL has me on the floor in stitches.)
But yay. Finally, Edward's gone. He may be a dumb bitch, but hopefully he can find someone else. Someone better than Bella. Maybe he'll learn how to love, with the right person.
| HalcyonSeasons chapter 15 . 12/14/2012
YES. YOU GO, CHARLIE. YOU GO TAKE CARE OF EDWARD THE DUMB BITCH, CHIEF SWAN.
God, Edward really is pathetic, though. I might feel bad for him if he wasn't a stalker.
| HalcyonSeasons chapter 14 . 12/14/2012
"I've evolved whereas Edward has remained the same." Yes, Bella. Exactly, Bella.
That was a great chapter, as always, but JEEZ EDWARD.
That dumb bitch needs to stop already. He needs to stop crying over Bella. Bella's great in this story in all, but Edward KNOWS he can do better. I wanna hit him in the face.
(Oh, and Billy is super-dope. Love him.)
Jella seems to be stronger than ever. God, I love them. I love your writing. I wanna make Team Lady of Spain t-shirts. That would calm my heart.
| HalcyonSeasons chapter 13 . 12/14/2012
"Smiling inwardly, Charlie's brain screamed, yes, yes, yes!" Charlie knows best. :D
But oh my GOD, Edward you dumb bitch, just go away! Nobody wants you! Nobody loves you! Go away! He is so obsessed with Bella's virginity. It's creepy. He should be more concerned over the fact that HIS is still in tact, after over a hundred years. Sure, he's an ass and all, but it can't be that hard for him to get some. He's as frustrated as Bella was. He needs to drive down a couple of street corners late at night or something. Wham, bam, leave Bella alone, creepy man.
But GAAAWWWD, Alice is here now? If anything, she's more annoying than Edward, because Bella can actually tolerate her! Alice needs to be hit by a bus, too, to be quite honest. She's not doing any good either.
| HalcyonSeasons chapter 12 . 12/14/2012
Oh my gosh, I'm melting. I'M MELTING. Jacob loves Bella so much. He is so head over heels for her. Like with canon, I've never really felt that Edward loved Bella that much. Sure, he always said so and he got her a lot of things, but to me it always felt like... like Bella was just an object so Edward could be a little happy himself. There's never any warmth or earthiness or comfort with Bella and Edward. Jella is absolutely impeccable. Untouchable. You nail that.
| HalcyonSeasons chapter 11 . 12/14/2012
This story is so perfect. The Jella dynamic is *on point.* Oh my God. It's like you know them personally, like they're real people and you've seen their relationship in person and you've known their relationship for your entire life. You. Are. Golden.
And did I tell you that this story is so funny it has me in stitches?! Oh my goodness!
"Behave yourself, Jacob. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."
"That doesn't leave much, Dad."
SOBBING. Oh my gosh, I love this. I love this so much.
| HalcyonSeasons chapter 10 . 12/14/2012
Oh my gosh. What a relief. I'm glad Sparklewrinkles took his sorry ass back to his stupid Volvo. He better not even try to fight Jake anymore, unless he's looking for death. The dumb bitch needs to find someone new. Maybe if he dated a blind girl, or a deaf girl, he'd be loved. Maybe.
Great chapter, though. The Jella magic is just great. And to be honest, at "Oh my gosh, your head's bleeding too" I half expected Bella to whip off her shirt and wipe the blood away from Jake's face. *snort* I don't even know what I'm doing with myself.
| HalcyonSeasons chapter 9 . 12/14/2012
Ohhhh myyyy gaaawwwwd.
(Can I just say that I was laughing my ass off so hard that I was crying at "Hey, it's not my fault she fell out of the boat. I was looking the other way when it happened." DYING. DYYYYIIIIIIING. Petition for a Quil/Crystal one-shot dedicated to the boat situation.)
But ajfklafanflla. No. The dumb bitch is back. (You don't mind me calling Edward 'the dumb bitch' or 'Sparklewrinkles', do you? Haha.) Whyyyy. Well, okay, I know why: conflict! Duh! Every story needs conflict! But gaaaaah. I loved Jake implying that if Bella wants to jump his bones, he is more than willing. But a fight oh god ajflkafa. Help, I've fallen and I can't even bring myself to attempt to get up.
| HalcyonSeasons chapter 8 . 12/14/2012
AND ALL THE AWARDS GO TO LADY OF SPAIN.
That was phenomenal. Oh my goodness. I'm going to marry your writing. That's it. I loved the chair breaking bit almost as much as "I was as contented as a puppy getting' his belly rubbed." I was laughing so hard I was on the verge of tears. Oh my gosh. Awesome chapter!
| HalcyonSeasons chapter 7 . 12/14/2012
If I were Jake, I would answer the door and scoop her into my arms because I've got that intuition goin' on. I sense things. (lol)
Great, GREAT chapter! Damn, Lady. These just keep getting better and better. Sorry about my screaming in my last review about Edward being a dumb bitch. :p
This chapter was so sweet. I loved it. I like how Jake can accept the fact that he really can be a jerk sometimes, but he is positive that he is in love with Bella. And Bella standing up to ol' Sparklewrinkles over the phone? Yes! Crazy-amazing chapter. On to the next!
| HalcyonSeasons chapter 6 . 12/14/2012
OH MY GOD. BEST CHAPTER YET.
Leah. Was. Fantastic. Oh my goodness, she stole the whole chapter, along with Alice's "...Jacob kept pumping me..." thing seeping into my inappropriate mind. Wonderful chapter.
But with Edward going on with his, "Jacob's poor," "Jacob will just knock you up," "I'm so jealous of Jacob being able to give you gifts" crap, I was just sitting here, continuing to choke on my popcorn.
Me basically: "No, Edward, you dumb bitch. No. No. NO. Shut up. Shut the hell up. YOU'RE A BITCH. YOU'RE A DUMB, SHALLOW BITCH AND YOU NEED TO GET HIT BY A BUS."
Really, Edward is a total bitch. He's just jealous that Bella actually genuinely LOVES Jacob and that she can actually be HUMAN with him and have HUMAN feelings and obstacles with Jake. Edward's a dumb, jealous, obsessive, materialistic twat and I hope he falls into hole where the wolves can all take a gigantic piss on his terrible self.
Awesome chapter, though.
| HalcyonSeasons chapter 5 . 12/14/2012
OH BOY. Leaaaaah! I love me some Leah.
To be honest, at first I thought this chapter was going to be a bummer because of all the vampire stuff, and vampires are as boring as dirt, but oh my gosh. The garage bit made up for all of it.
"Just forget about her. That's what I'd do. There are plenty of chicks out there just waiting for a booty call. And let me tell you, I know for a fact that some of them have got their booties anxiously waiting on you. So stop moanin' like a lovesick cow." Oh my GOD, I was DYING! Brilliant. Spectacular! That was so funny and honest, just like the pack itself. All the members are great and funny and totally honest in their own ways. Can't wait to see what Leah brings to the table. :D
| HalcyonSeasons chapter 4 . 12/14/2012
Woo! That was awesome! Nearly choked on my popcorn. I love your writing so, so much. You have one of the greatest gifts in the world; never let go of it.
"She hadn't realized what that stupid little bikini had done to Jacob." Lol, she's so dumb. She must come to her senses!
| HalcyonSeasons chapter 3 . 12/11/2012
Awesome cop is awesome telling his teasing daughter to cut it out. (Charlie Swan: preventing blue balls one reprimand at a time.)
I can't wait to see how things go with Jake and Bells. You never fail, Lady of Spain. :)