|Reviews for Road to Oblivion|
| Alacquiene chapter 2 . 3/20/2012
Sorry for taking so long and for having to send an anonymous review - I can't sign in for some reason. Hahaha!
Anyway, while this chapter is good in its own way, I liked the first one much better.
I think the best part in this is when you wrote in the perspective of the Neoshadow. Actually, the Neoshadow and how you characterized it is my absolute favorite thing in this whole chapter. That was awesome! It really made the battle a lot more exciting for me.
I also have a least favorite part, which is when Adage snapped the wrist of the guard. I was surprised by that especially because that action of his immediately followed his thoughts of 'Doing the right thing.' His characterization confuses me at the moment, but he's an original character so I'll just have to wait and see how he develops. The story is only in its second chapter, after all.
Keep up the good work!
| Cori Shadowfang chapter 2 . 1/25/2012
This chapter was good; the battle scene was well written, and there were very few grammar mistakes. The three that really stood out to me:
"Sorry, son. It's too dangerous right now." Adage tried to continue forward. "Sir, I really can help. Just let me-" - Adage's words should be on a seperate line.
All you alright?" - all should be 'are.'
She's okay, maam," - 'maam' should be spelled 'ma'am'.
That Neoshadow seems to be fairly intelligent...and the blood smile was creepy. I wonder how Adage will deal with it?
| Kunai Youki chapter 2 . 1/22/2012
Totally epic story thus far! I love it! Anyways, don't really have any critisism for it yet, as it has just only begun, but I probably will later XD.
Also, bloody loved the continuation of that one scene from Kingdom Hearts. I thought it worked out in your favor because I always found that one scene to be rather...incomplete. So I rather adore the rather intriguing way you decided to continue it.
Well, that's all I've got to say for now...wait, actually, I think it would be prettycool if he went an saw the Destiny Islands, only so we could see what it looked like before the Kingdom Hearts series...like with the two tracts of land connected to each other? I think it would be pretty cool n.n
| Alacquiene chapter 1 . 10/6/2011
Interesting beginning. I wasn't sure how you were going to start this out and I was a bit worried about how you'd do it, but I like it so far.
Descriptions are good, and the chapter length is just right (in my opinion). And I like how Adage talks to himself and that he addresses his stomach as if it's a pet. Hahaha!
I like how you ended the story with a cliffhanger of sorts and the possibility of meeting another character so soon. Keep up the good work!
| Cori Shadowfang chapter 1 . 9/2/2011
Interesting for a first chapter. I think it was a fairly good length, to be honest. Adage seems like his character's going to be fun to follow. The dream was cool, and leaving the ending on a cliff-hanger was a good way to finish the first chapter.
You didn't have a whole lot of grammar mistakes, though there were still some. The minor ones I found: lying on stomach, him That, sickening shill, it angry, was coming that threaten to, a instinctive. Since these are so minor, though, they're extremely easy to slip by someone's radar. It'd probably be good if you had another person check over your story before you put another chapter up; other readers have a tendency to pick up on things the writers miss. There are a few moments you're a little rudundent, such as: At once he knew the cause for these odd circumstances. There was only one explanation. Here, the second sentance really isn't needed. There were also a few sentances that would've sounded better if they'd been combined as one, such as: The boy opened his eyes slowly and saw that he was flying. He was flying swiftly over a starry ocean, though how this was possible the boy did not understand.
Surely he must be going somewhere or else what was the point of flying on and on without purpose? - with this one, it would’ve sounded better if you’d ended after somewhere.
He suppressed a shudder throughout his body. - when someone suppresses a shudder it’s usually assumed it’s through the whole body, so the ended is a little redundant.
So far the story sounds like it’s going well. It’ll be interesting to see how things play out. :)