|Reviews for Little One|
| Killy Cheesestake chapter 1 . 8/30/2011
Hey, I'd write a much longer, more glowing review but I'm REALLY tired right now. That said, I always try to give my favorite ff author complete review, so I'll do my best. Anyway, I need to make up for all those weeks I was away, right?
I love it, as usual, but that's no surprise, right? I always love what you write and I really did miss the stories. You've developed Nanami and Kaoru's relationship so delicately, you can almost touch the emotion radiating off the page.
Now I'm going to stick the few bad (like, two) comments I have on it in the middle, so its surrounded by a sandwich of amazingness, which is the story deserves:
My first is that your conversation tags, "thanked, promised, agreed, offered," are very varied which, while good in moderation, were a bit much. They clogged the prose a bit. Said can be used for lots of things and its something your eyes skim over, giving a lot more flow to the text. Don't stop using them completely, obviously, but I think it would sound better if you cut down on the "special tags" as my teacher calls them.
And my other thing is more of an opinion thing. Nanami said, "after high school I fell in with the wrong crowd and got into the escort business." It makes sense in the context and there's nothing wrong with this particular instance, but I just want to point out that an escort isn't always part of a "bad company." Escorting is just a way some women choose to make money and there isn't anything wrong with them being promiscuous.
Now for the MUCH more loving part. Your writing has improved at a rate I didn't think possible, and you still seem to have found this little window that looks into human relationships in a way I'm jealous of. Everything you write is purposeful and wonderful and you always seem to find the little bit of humor that manages to sequester away in any situation. You use it to such effect, not in excess, but in times where it almost seems to poke playfully at the reader. I sort of just imagine you, sitting at the computer talking to me going, "Oh, forgot to smile, did you? I'll show you!"
And then you always end with a bang. I've never read a lackluster ending of yours. And you build to them, to. Some emotions you have to really pay attention to find, and some are obvious but written in such a way you feel clever for finding them, like Kaoru's sort of, "Nooo, you don't have to go. It's no bother. I mean...stay...please..." At which point I almost laughed aloud at the awkwardness that seems to bubble under his surface. I'm sadistic, no?
But really, your wording is amazing. Your ideas are amazing. You are amazing.
That actually WAS long and glowing, so I guess I was successful at battling my tiredness.
Always keep writing.
Much (non-creepy) love,
| KittenNya chapter 1 . 8/29/2011
Aww, (I really did aww at the last line!) Nanami was so clame about the situation, that was awesome! The baby's name was adorable!
P.S. SO sorry for eating Llama when you were reading this (... It deserved more seriousness!
| Dream Of Rose Petals chapter 1 . 8/29/2011
That as so sweet! :D And cute.
| Tracey4t chapter 1 . 8/29/2011
I wonder what Hikaur has to say about all of this. I also wonder what Haruhi and the other hosts have to say about this.