|Reviews for Come Back to Me|
| Superdani4Ever chapter 1 . 12/22/2011
I think it's wonderful!thank you!
| ishkaqwiaidurugnul chapter 1 . 9/1/2011
It's an interesting idea, but the thing about your writing is that it reminds me of a machine gun. Lots of short, little choppy sentences. Allow me to elaborate.
"Legolas, come dance with me!" Nienna laughed, twirling in circles. Her hair was down. Her eyes shined." Shone? "They were in a field of forget-me-nots. Fitting. The moon was high and bright. It brought out the sparkle in her dress. He was leaning against a tree at the edge of the field. They came here often. It was their own space."
AAAHSHL;FJKDA;LFJDKAL;FJK! The fact that these are all such bullet-type sentences makes it really hard to read, and to keep a reader's interest. For instance, you could once in a while say, "The moon was high and bright, and brought out the sparkle in her dress." Or, "They came here often; it was their own space."
"She was graceful. More so than most elves. He could remember their childhood years. She had been graceful then, too."
Instead, you could say, "She was graceful, more so than most elves. He could remember that in their childhood years, she had been graceful then too."
"Their courtship had been gradual. Slow-moving. They had been friends first."
"Their courtship had been gradual, slow-moving. They had been friends first." See the difference? It's all about flow. Longer sentences mixed with shorter sentences provide you with a beautiful current of words, rather than bullet points shot from a machine gun.
| Aranel Mereneth chapter 1 . 8/31/2011
Well done, cute story :) Now how about you update the corresponding longer one? ;) haha xo.