|Reviews for The Pokemon World League|
| Guest chapter 5 . 9/16/2016
guy ur idea of mixing wwe is just too cool
| Pearl shipper chapter 19 . 9/12/2016
I hope dawn and ash end up together at some point from what I saw she has developed a crush on ash and it's continuing to grow besides that guy who's trying to win dawns heart ain't going to work with dawn since he's to full of himself he has a short temper and right now he's seems to only care about himself besides dawn belongs with ash and I know he has a crush on dawn hes just too dense to realize it so I hope he understands his feelings for her sooner then later anyway u did great so far just keep doing your best and do please add some Pearl shipping moments between ash and dawn
| Nobel Six chapter 19 . 9/11/2016
Awesome chapter my good friend. Cannot wait for more.
| Flashfire360 chapter 18 . 9/5/2016
Ah, here it is! The definitive shift that proclaims the meat of the story is under way. It's definitely interesting to see how you progress with this downward spiral for Chris, I'm anticipating a prominent event that really shoves him off the deep end.
As for Ash, what's your plan to advance his character? Take cues from the XY anime perhaps? I'm looking forward to seeing how this goes!
| CaptainPrice chapter 18 . 9/2/2016
Gotta say it's nice to see these quick update from you, mate. Hopefully you found your update balance and speed with this plan you got. Anyway, let's get on with the review.
I would have to say that Chris is really turning into a bit of a dick here. I understand being infatuated with a girl, but the way Chris views Dawn is a little unsettling. I really liked the way you had Josh attempt to dress him down and explain that this is just something he always does and it always comes back to blow up in his face.
His thought process of how to get Dawn to like him is exactly what Josh is trying to explain. A disaster waiting to happen. This makes me interested in Chris' past attempts to woo a girl. His plan is so convoluted that it is no doubt going to backfire on him like it would for Wile E. Coyote in the Looney Tunes. Okay, maybe not like that, but my point is that it will fail epically with him suffering badly for it.
Moving on to Ash and his battle with Josh. I'm glad he won the fight, but when I read the fight it seems like it's a little dry. Now when I say dry, I mean it feels like it's lacking something that makes it feel like it's truly a battle Ash could be in in the anime. It doesn't really feel like Ash, but more so just another trainer battling in the standard do this and that, back and forth attack show. Now that doesn't mean the fight is bad, but I guess what I would like to see down the road whenever Ash battles is like the way he battled when he was in Sinnoh and up to now here in Kalos, and that means using the field, defying type advantages and coming up with wild, but ingenious tactics to help him overcome a tough adversary. Again, this is just me suggesting something. I'll leave you to do what you want, but I feel that will truly bring another great point to the battles in this story.
Man, Chris is really trying to sabotage Ash's relationship with Dawn here by embarrassing him. Now his outburst has caused the rest of his new friends to walk off save for Ash who wants to prove him wrong by having Charizard go against him again, so I guess we'll see where that leads. One thing I want to make note of that I mentioned in the last review is that if you want to have Ash and Charizard improve their bond to achieve the Mega-Evolution, don't always result to battling. Change it up a bit. It can just be them training together or testing Charizard's capabilities with this speed, power, etc. Heck, I would be willing to give you a couple of examples in a PM if you wish, but like I said, switch it up a bit to keep readers interested.
Other than that, nice chapter and it's always nice to see an update with this story. Keep up the work and use your magic to make this story cross that line into greatness.
PS: By the way... Aaron Rodgers is the King of the North. He would backslap Brady to college. Jokes aside, looking forward to the next chapter, mate.
| Guest chapter 18 . 8/29/2016
Very good fanfic so far your doing great but I'm curious of something will dawn and ash end up as boyfriend and girlfriend at some point it would be great if that happened since dawn is obviously in love with ash and even tho ash is dense i can tell through his actions that he has a crush on him to from what I read so far
| Billy Maiden chapter 18 . 8/28/2016
Oof, Chris is now even more infuriating and edgy than before... I like it. Also, is it fair to say these next two chapters are having a theme of fire and passion? Ash...going up against Flint...battling with Charizard...against other Fire types...Chris stoking the flames within Ash's soul...One's doing it for passion of the flesh while the other does it for passion of the dream...my my, TFFW I like where this is going!
Do I really think Ash is gonna' win this fight? No. Do I think he's gonna' surprise Chris into making stupid mistakes? Oh, maliciously, once you're in someone's head it can be nasty. However, Ash is a starving rottweiler and Chris just poked him with a stick. Someone's getting a chunk of flesh taken out their asscheek.
| Nobel Six chapter 18 . 8/28/2016
We Eagles can know a lot of pain, yet we won last year. Awesome chapter my friend, can't wait for more.
| CaptainPrice chapter 17 . 8/22/2016
Finally getting around to dropping a review for the chapter here.
So the big reveal is that President Winters is truly a puppet to the Grand Order. I want to say it sounds a little cliché, but at the same time I won't because I didn't see it coming. It's a bummer that he's being blackmailed and can't really retaliate back towards Adrian or General Sheppard.
I'm more curious as to what President Winters' goal to become president was. Was it to be in a position of power, or was he genuinely trying to make a difference for his country? I'm sure this will be answered some point down the road, but definitely something I'm interested in. Especially if he knew what he was getting into by making a deal with Adrian and the Grand Order for his campaign to be funded.
On top of that, since the Grand Order recruits trainers using the tournament, I'm wondering what their endgame goal is outside of causing chaos. Is Adrian planning to us this whole military mobilization as a scapegoat to come and play hero to eventually lead to supreme leader/power on his end, or is it a standard get a powerful legendary pokémon under his rule? Either way, it seems promising with the potential they can bring to the story.
Critique wise I'd say you had a lot of big blocks of text in here. I'd suggest to break it down by splitting the dialogue free of the narrative to keep it clean because reading it in conjunction with each other looks a little sloppy.
I'd also say for future note that if you do more chapters like this that you make sure the pace feels right. It's easy to shift the tone and pace of a story depending on the chapter and one like this seems like the kind that would best fit in after the climax of an action packed arc or series of chapters. I've got faith in you and trust you to know where to mark the cutoff for chapters like these since doing multiple ones like this in a row would be a quick turn off for readers, but just thought I'd touch down on that.
Other than that, keep it up. I'm looking forward to the next chapter when it comes.
| Flashfire360 chapter 17 . 8/19/2016
I gotta say, the name Martha caught my eye... does someone else in this story have that name too? :P all in all however, this was well written, although the first paragraph could use a break through the middle simply for the sake of the eyes or something, but I ain't complaining.
Anyway, I understand that you made a conscience decision to make your chapter shorter, and I understand why, but for some reason I'm a long chapter guy. Granted, I haven't written in years, and it's probably helping you get into a rhythm, but I might as well share my thoughts. Here's to you making it to the end and finishing this story! (hopefully :p)
| Billy Maiden chapter 17 . 8/15/2016
And the plot thickens ever-so-more ;D
Great platform chapter, it got a lot more done than it appears to have at first scroll. Mucho gusto, señor TFFW, mucho gusto. Your shout-out to me is appreciated as well :)
| Nobel Six chapter 17 . 8/15/2016
You know I love politics my friend, and this was so good, cannot wait for the next one.
| CaptainPrice chapter 16 . 8/9/2016
Hey, look who's back from the dead!
Gotta' say, I was surprised to see an update for this story. Hopefully everything went well for you and your goal as a lawyer (think I remember that right) panned out well. Anyway, let's get to the real reason I'm here. A review!
So we get the comedy at the start with the old "sandwich from vending machine" gag, and evidently Ash has the golden stomach of the gods to avoid the stomach bug, so that was a good little dose of humor to kick things off after so long.
The highlight of this chapter was undoubtedly the battle between Gary and Paul. I was pretty surprised to see Gary with a Talonflame and a Mega Blastoise, so this does open room for potential battling opportunities down the road between him, Ash and Chris since the three of them have mega evolution capability.
The battle itself was pretty good, despite the fact you said you felt rusty. I guess the only thing I can say to alleviate that feeling is to just practice writing more battles. It does get tedious with Pokémon stories, but it is one of the main concepts that should always give the reader that edge of the seat feeling. If I could offer a suggestion for writing battles, I would recommend watching lots of anime battles. This is my secret to you, so take it if you wish. The way I write a battle for these stories is watch a bunch of anime fights and watch what each character does closely. How they fight, what their attacks look like, etc. Then I choose the characters I want to battle and think of all the capabilities they can do and reflect on all the stuff I watched. I think about what looked cool and what is possible to add realism and that intense atmosphere.
Overall I thought the battle was a good way to bounce back after being gone for so long, the fact it was close was another good call. One thing to keep in mind is that despite mega evolution, moves that are super effective against that type still should lay down the hate on them pretty well. Anyway, the fight was pretty solid.
It's good to see that Ash now has the Charizardite Y, but I Get the feeling it will take a while for him to be able to use it effectively. I'll have to go back and read how fast Chris and his Charizard did it, but if memory serves me right, it was really quick. I also liked that it was Gary who gave him the mega ring and stone in the first place courtesy of the good old professor.
Regarding your author's note, I can understand what you're doing and encourage you to go down that route. That was a big mistake on my end when I did my story. I took a lot of OCs and it's a pain in the but to find a place to stick them in to give them a shot to shine. Whatever makes the story easier for you, go ahead and do it. I'll resend the OC I sent you ages ago for your judgment, but I won't be fussed with whatever decision you make about him.
I'll be awaiting the next update, mate. Good to have you back.
| Kiwami no Sengoku chapter 16 . 8/5/2016
It's nice to see you doing fine and this fic up and running again. Interested to see how it progresses.
| Nobel Six chapter 16 . 8/5/2016
Thanks for the shout out my longtime friend. It's good to see this up and running again.