|Reviews for Prince of Persia: The Leviathan's secret AU|
| VAndreaMars chapter 12 . 6/22/2014
God! What a story! You're a great writter,you have to keep thins going, please! It's wonderfull
| Crystal-Wolf-Guardain-967 chapter 10 . 1/19/2014
| Crystal-Wolf-Guardain-967 chapter 9 . 10/5/2013
| Metastability chapter 8 . 7/26/2013
I hope you decide to continue with this story, it's too good to just stop!
| MedievalMinstrel chapter 8 . 8/1/2012
Ok. Let's look at the facts:
Blood thirsty crowds.
Drugged and kidnapped guests.
Dreams of world domination.
Secrets and secret societies.
What's next, Roshtam will be revealed to be in cahoots with Farooq?
What's it going to take for Tamina to get a clue? Roshtam has a lot to hide because it is not paradise and pure. Dastan knows it. Sharaman knows it. Heck, Roshtam knows it. But he has to keep up the facade. What did he do to Aliyeh, I'd like to know? What curse was visited upon her head in the land of purity and innocence?
What has Shaheen already done in his service? What is she willing to do to Dastan please Roshtam? What will she do to Tamina, who must as much of a threat to her as Dastan is to Navid?
My only suggestion here is to break the paragraph down further. There's too much info in that one section.
I really hope you're able to continue this fascinating story, Anandi!
| MedievalMinstrel chapter 7 . 7/29/2012
Navid is going to be trouble. He's jealous of Dastan being a prince and it sounds like Dastan's arrival has been prophesied as a saviour (or destroyer of their way of life?) Navid wants to curry favour with his own hero, Roshtam. He could betray his family, believing he's doing the right thing to protect his country.
And Tamina is blinded to the danger of giving the gem to Roshtam because of her crush on Roshtam. If the Vishuddi believe all people are equal, then Roshtam shouldn't be contemptuous towards Dastan. He's acting superior because Dastan is an "outsider." He can't see his own hypocrasy.
And now Garsiv might die. Dastan is going to kick himself when he realizes what's happened. If he'd only help his brothers when they asked, the king might not have appointed Farooq as vizier. Somehow, I don't think executing Farooq is going to be as easy as Sharaman believes. And why didn't Bis travel with Dastan and Tamina? Dastan wouldn't likely leave his behind, anymore than he left Bis behind in the streets of Nasaf when the king adopted him.
All right, one more chapter to go. Can't wait! (Although I hope it isn't the last one!)
| MedievalMinstrel chapter 6 . 7/21/2012
Well, the Princes of Persia did not fare well in this chapter. Dastan has been drugged unconscious and essentially kidnapped. I wonder if Tamina can see that? Drugging an invited guest is not the actions of a pure people. They're the actions of a people who have something to hide. Roshtam can use Dastan as a bargaining chip with Persia. Although I'm excited by the possibility of the Leviathan making an appearance at some point. How Tamina thinks a leviathan is going to bring about world peace is another story, though. World domination, more likely. And how does Shaheen think they're going to change Dastan? He's not easily taken in by liars. Which Shaheen may not be, but I think Roshtam definitely is.
And Garsiv has been severely injured trying to prove Farooq has turned into some sort of demon. If that is so, it seems unlikely the Persians can punish or hold him long. What does Farooq want, anyway? The throne? The three princes always seem to fare much better when they're together than when they try to handle catastrophes apart.
Nilofar, Afshar, and Navid are intriguing. They don't seem like servants. They seem to guard a secret that even Roshtam doesn't know, probably about the true powers of the Astra gem. I suspect they'll need to ally with Dastan if they need to save the world. That is what he does best, after all.
Also, I'm glad you appreciate my feedback, Anandi. If it helps in any way, that's terrific. I read your last reviewer's comments and suggest raising the rating on your story to "t" so readers know it's more complicated than "k" level. Otherwise, I love the vivid descriptions you give in your writing. It's almost like being there. So keep up the great work!
| Tower chapter 1 . 7/16/2012
Alrighty! Review sandwhich. You have great use portraying each scene. It's almost broken down like a movie scene really. I don't mind that at all. I think the dialogue parts are the best parts about this story so far. You put a lot of awarness, emotion, and effort into the characters speaking.
A suggestion: when making dialogue, press "ENTER" after each person talking. You wouldn't do this in a book, but for , this is a more preferred way only becuase it's easier to read on a computer screen.
However, I'm not reading anymore until you stop filling up space with WAY to much information (aka, every thing is way too wordy). This makes your paragraphs very, very long. There is a difference between 'watered down' and 'choosing the right word' for each sentence. The rating you put in this story is 'K', which not only means content, but the readability of your story.
There is a lots of big words and looooooong sentences like this one-
"Naturally the Princess's curiosity got the better of her, so much so that, afterwards, every once in while, she stole a passing glance in Prince Dastan's direction, noting where he was and what he was doing and trying to judge the strength of his character."
*FACEPALM* you have so many freakin commas in that sentence! Like I said, tighten this part of your story up please :) Less, is more. I promise!
As far as plot, AWESOME IDEA! This is truly in depth and it's clear you've thought about it a lot. I like that kind of attention to plot.
Note I am NOT trying to be mean, or give off the 'I'm a better writer than you" vibe. Heh heh, trust me, I am NOT a good writer. But I've had people tell ME on not what to do, so just paying it forward. I'm also an avid reader. I try to help in my reviews. It's up to you if you wanna take my advice and suggestions to heart. Never stop writing though! Thanks Tower
| MedievalMinstrel chapter 5 . 7/15/2012
Hmm, Shaheen could be trouble. She loves Roshtam. He changed her entire life and gave her a future. What wouldn't she do for him if he asked? Lie, betray, steal, murder?
Not so pure, I think. Sharaman was right when he warned his son and Tamina. She should learn to listen to him. And poor Aliyeh. What a sad ending for such a kind person. And little Dastan doesn't understand they can't let him touch her because he could catch her illness. Well written, Anandi. Makes me want to hug him!
Every time Dastan and Tamina go on a journey through the desert, they get into trouble. It occurred to me wouldn't they have had body guards with them, not just servants? They are both royals, which makes them targets automatically.
I like your subplot with Garsiv and Farooq. Thanks for not just dropping that to concentrate on the main couple. Although I don't yet see what Garsiv will gain from being defeated by Farooq.
If I give any advice, it's just to keep an eye on punctuation. Sometimes a spoken sentence has no period, or the comma is placed outside the quotation marks. Not that I'm perfect, 'cause I'm not, but it's just little things I thought could help improve your skills.
So I'll check back in soon and review the next chapter of your wonderful story. Keep up the great work!
| MedievalMinstrel chapter 4 . 7/11/2012
Love the banter between these two! Dastan is suitably aggravating and Tamina suitably self-righteous. You have captured the spirit of these characters so well!
You'd think she of all people would be wary of handing over an artifact promising untold power without understanding all the catches. Why Aliyeh chose to hide the astra rather than let her brother have it. Power hungry, much?
And Dastan having more than one wife would just infuriate Tamina. She could never let it stand. Too funny. "Summon her once or twice a year." I laughed really hard at that line.
And Roshtam won't be happy at Dastan's arrival. It'd be easy to woo or get rid of Tamina if she was alone, but if anything happens to Dastan, Roshtam will have the fury of the Persian army raining down on his head.
Ah, well. Look forward to more of your brilliant story. Are you still updating this one?
| Guest chapter 3 . 7/7/2012
Oooh, maybe Roshtam is competition for Tamina's hand in marriage? That'll make Dastan jealous. Or maybe she thinks she can use the gem to atone for her own sins? Good luck to her getting out of the palace now that Dastan knows her secrets.
The flashbacks to Dastan's childhood were adorable. Fighting his first bath was too much! You put a smile on my face as I read it. You write vivid descriptions, so that I can picture these scenes easily. It would've been difficult suddenly having to answer to a father, two older brothers, and learn to help rule a kingdom.
And Aliyeh sounds intriguing. Why would she flee the land of purity and perfection? She must have had a good reason for hiding the gem with Sharaman? If Tamina would only stop and consider that for a minute...
So your story continues to enthrall me. Keep writing!
| Guest chapter 2 . 7/6/2012
So does Tamina appreciate the irony? That she longs to emulate these so called pure people, while she at the same time is a thief? Ummm, there is a disconnect in there somewhere!
Farooq seems shifty. How can her smell the blood of an Alamutian? It looks like he's the bad guy, but I suspect you're playing a deeper game here. Good work!
I love your portrayal of Sharaman, a strong king and father who longs for peace, although Tamina can't seem to see that yet. Yes, the Persians are warriors, but that is only to protect the kingdom and establish security.
Garsiv and Tus are so used to Dastan's antics by now, they just don't bother getting angry with him anymore. What's the point? He won't change. But he never let's them down when it matters. He'll fix this mess with Farooq and his fiance stealing their father's gem.
Anyway, I'm enjoying your story, Anandi. I hope you'll keep going!
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/4/2012
MedievalMinstrel here (I dislike the neutral guest name),
Wow, this is a great start. Typical of Dastan to forget his duties, whether it is a gift or a wedding announcement. Oh, well, little brothers get away with everything. You capture Tus and Garsiv's exasperated irritation with him well, Anandi.
I'm curious, with Nizam dead, wouldn't the position of Vizier fall to Garsiv as the second brother, as Tus is Crown Prince? Not this Farooq.
I'm glad you brought the adventure back to Persia. For all that the movie is called Prince of Persia, the characters spend very little time in Persia. Most of the movie is in Alamut and its territory.
Your characters are believable and the writing is clear and well paced. If I made any suggestion, it would be more time with the princes and their father. And poor long suffering Bis.
Anyway, keep writing. :)
| Crystal-Wolf-Guardain-967 chapter 5 . 1/29/2012
i loved it! can't wait for more!
| streetsbehind chapter 5 . 11/20/2011
JUst found this story and i love love love it !
Please update soon !