|Reviews for Shadowchasers: Soulscape|
| Koros45 chapter 8 . 9/27/2011
Well, I'm still not a fan of the infodumps, but they did add character to your villian. The duel was good, but certainly not your best work in my opinion. Gandora was a nice surprise though.
All things said, you ended the story well. I'm glad Jalal didn't insult his opponent, and the villian using Hebi-na's old deck was a good twist. I was a little let down that the Serpent Knights weren't an actual archtype though.
I won't be actively looking for a Shadowchasers story anytime soon, but if I see your name in the 5D's section, I'll be sure to click on it.
| Aldamonburst chapter 8 . 9/26/2011
i really loved this. hebi-na really changed. and she seems to have a thing for jalal. i think. anyway, great! i can't wait for your next work.
| jcogginsa chapter 8 . 9/26/2011
first off, great ending. second off: Serperior eh? didn't peg you as a pokemon fan
| Ruin Queen of Oblivion chapter 8 . 9/26/2011
Now that was an exciting conclusion, though I wonder who he was talking to at the end there, things are getting very interesting.
| mskkid chapter 8 . 9/26/2011
Wow! What and absolutely superb climax! I loved Vucarik's story. And I've loved watching Hebi-Na's long, painful, yet fulfilling path to redemption. I love the story behind the Serpent Knights as well. And using Hebi-Na's first deck was genius and a great blast from the past. I will say that I'm rather glad that Jalal didn't end up with a permanent copy of Gandora the Dragon of Destruction. I doesn't seem to fit his style, and always struck me as somewhat of an evil dragon. As he said "once was enough". But this was a truly great "mini-series". I can't wait until the next story. I'm certain you'll manage to do Boston justice!
| Rocket Knight 777 chapter 8 . 9/26/2011
Honestly, this almost seemed like a fitting end to this series, but I do wonder about that last bit. What did the doc give up, and to whom? Serpent Knight were cool thought. I await the start of Ascension.
| Witty Phantom-GP chapter 7 . 9/24/2011
Honestly, not the best you have written.
Maramanda didn't seem NEARLY as threatening as the wastrilith. Don't get me wrong. Seeing it use Ccarayhua was BIG, but you didn't use the Immortal to its fullest. Alpha-Wave is a pretty pointless Field Spell if you only control 1 Immortal. Your opponent can't attack anyway and you would need a situational card like Vaccination to be capable of attacking. The same with Hardened. The whole point of Ccarayhua is that your opponent gets SO cornered that the only way to turn it around is to destroy Ccarayhua, nuking the field in the process and allowing you to hit with a direct attack of some monster on your next turn. All OTK strategies that concern Ccarayhua work that way (Destroy Clock Tower Prison, summon Dreadmaster, summon 2 Dashers, go for game).
And seriously. She actually said "If you can show me where Ccarayhua is on the Limited List, I'll forfeit the duel?" She would actually CONSIDER giving up the chance to crush Jalal just because some stupid LIST says so? We're talking about a representation of FEAR here! She should laugh at the idea of listening to I2.
That was one half of the problem I had with this chap. The other half was the fact that Jalal doesn't really have much surprise in his deck. All of his monsters are pretty basic and well known. He doesn't really give us much to be surprised about. We have seen him use White-Horned, Des Volstgalph, Dark-End Dragon, but nothing really new or distinguishing. You could consider giving him Galaxy-Eyes Photon Dragon. It's fairly easy to summon in his deck and it gives the rest of the Shadowchasers Saga access to Xyz. You could even let him say that it was given to him by I2 as a test or something. Another possibility is the soon to be released Alexandrite Dragon. There are so many possibilities for him, and yet you don't go much further then high level Dragons that have a focus on LIGHT and DARK.
Hebi-Na. The first appearance she makes in a fic that is entirely set around her fate. Bouncyball. First, she asks him a very rational question. Then, she almost bursts into tears. And then she gives in depth details about the current situation of the Soulscape? As I said, bouncyball. It would have been SO much better if you just picked one of these emotions and held it for more than a scene. She could have burst into tears forcing Jalal to comfort her. Instead, she just has the emotional balance of a pregnant woman.
Not bad, not good either. Happy writing.
| Koros45 chapter 7 . 9/23/2011
The last two chapters weren't anything special. i really hated how you squeezed in an EBI, as they were basically the first big plot point of Power Primordial. Bringing back a powerful card should take AT LEAST more than one chapter, especially if the weilder of said card mass produces it. Although Lucciano was able to copy Red Demon's Dragon, I don't know if it would work on a dark god.
Anyway, I felt like Jalal's personality wasn't very defined in the last two chapters. For a noble half dragon who is supposed to be well mannered, he came off as very rude, calling enemies "fatso", "ugly", and even "son of a b!tch" As your original character, feel entitled to have him say whatever you want, but please make him seem consistant.
The duel was ok. The use of Hardened Armed Dragon was good, but I'd think that Maramanda would know about Dark End Dragon's effect, and have a counter available.
I was slightly amused that you referenced Fear Itself, but it didn't make up for the clumsy character descriptions. I don't really care what sort of creature Maramanda is, and going to great lengths to describe her speicies in general just wasn't exciting at all. Sometimes it's best to leave something to the reader's imagination.
| Aldamonburst chapter 7 . 9/23/2011
yay! she's free! i really love this story... hey wait, if that the demon, who's belphomet?
| Metal Overlord 2.0 chapter 7 . 9/23/2011
*Jaw drops open like a cash register* Okay...I'll admit it, I did NOT see an Earthbound Immortal deck coming, when I first read the preview for this chapter, especially since, as you mentioned, there were some who regarded Ccarayhua with the same reverence as Seguhulerak. But I have to admit it was a good twist and now we have at least one instance where you took full advantage of the bad guys being able to use almost any card Hebi-Na has ever seen.
Now, as for Maramanda, while it makes perfect sense that Taramanda would be the root of Hebi-Na's fear, she didnt seem as menacing as the Wastrilith for some reason. Don't get me wrong though, she wasnt out of character or anything for a villainess at this point in the story, but the Marilith didnt really break the mold either in terms of dialogue or personality.
Now Vucarik on the other hand sounds like someone whose going to be a VERY interesting opponent for the Final Boss of this story (unless there's another player working behind the scenes). The way his appearance is described almost makes him sound like Slade from Teen Titans, so it likely wouldnt hurt to play to that kind of personality: cold, calculating, cruel but refined.
The duel was pretty good, you didnt really take advantage of Ccarayhuya's unique abilities outside those shared by the rest of the Earthbound Immortals, but you did throw in a few interesting tricks like Alpha Wave Emission and Sacrifice of Honor to reinforce it. That said I do think a few copies of Robbin Goblin and Glory Level Talisman would have been good additional support, but all things considered you did a good job here CC, I'm eager to see what happens next.
| Ruin Queen of Oblivion chapter 7 . 9/23/2011
So, that's the assassin, hmm very interesting... And the duel with Maramanda was interesting, I didn't expect an Earthbound God to show up.
| mskkid chapter 7 . 9/23/2011
Woohoo! Go Jalal! Taking down not one, but two Ccarayhua's. And at a severe disadvantage each time. What a duel! I halfway wish I had been able to see it. And good for Hebi-Na for having courage. I can't wait to see this new deck of hers. Is there any possibility of her becoming a Shadowchaser in the future? Because that would be awesome. Keep up the good work!
| Ultimate Warrior of Zera chapter 7 . 9/23/2011
That was a clever combo with using Hardened Armed Dragon to cover the Earthbound God's weaknesses. But, when Dark Armed Dragon defeated it in battle thanks to Forbidden Chalice in the end, shouldn't its ability to destroy everything on the field have activated then?
Can't wait to see Hebi-Na's new deck.
| Rocket Knight 777 chapter 7 . 9/23/2011
Why do I have a feeling that this Vucarik of the Chains is going to use an Iron Chain deck? Anyway, an Earthbound Immortal? Now that was a surprise. Great duel and great chapter.
| SaintHeartwing chapter 7 . 9/23/2011
At last, we meet the puppetmaster himself!...who, evidently, has a fetish for chains. How strange...almost as strange as the idea of heroic ophidians, but considering this is a story about a dragon-blooded guy that deals evil demons with children's card games, I'm willing to buy pretty much ANYTHING that's thrown at me!