Reviews for Why?
NicolaClaire chapter 1 . 3/26
Good grief, is this a joke? Did you lie about your age or are you really a 33 year who can't spell? Did you go to school at all? THROUGH not threw, SUIT not suite, UZI not oozy (that one was laughable) and don't even get me started on Their, There, They're! Trying to decipher all the mistakes is like wading through custard. Get a beta for heavens sake. Or an English tutor.
Guest chapter 1 . 9/8/2014
Yeah, I definitely couldn't get past chapter one. It looks like a 6th grader wrote this. The grammar was awful. You really need to get a beta to double check and improve your writing.
qwert.riggaloo chapter 2 . 6/24/2014
Ok, I have one problem, and you've probably heard it a million times by now but.. If the boys come to the diner five to six times a week, Bella should be earning $250-300 a week not $150. Other than that GREAT STORY :)
ClaryRoss chapter 1 . 11/21/2013
The grammatical errors!
I just couldn't deal.
Make the mistake once or twice, whatever, but the same one consistently!
Their, they're and there are all different words.
Their-to indicate possession
They're-is a contraction of the words they and are.
There- when referring to a place
'You're' means you are, 'your' means your.
chnctgislnd07 chapter 21 . 11/7/2013
Good plot but honestly very difficult to read, particarly with all the spelling errors (I.e. threw in place of through; suite in place of suit). I also would have liked to see a little more character development particarly before and immediately after Bella and Edward get together.
shewoolf chapter 13 . 10/28/2013
Type your review for this chapter here...
cfigueroa78 chapter 12 . 10/21/2013
I understand Eric did something very messed up trying to sell his sister. I'm more disturbed that Bella was completely unfazed that her kid brother was murdered. She showed "0" emotion and didn't even mention it until the next day? She came home and acted like everything was normal - yes Eric messed up but he was a kid! I can't even read more because having learned your kid brother was murdered and only wanting to fuck your boyfriend is beyond DISTURBING.
cfigueroa78 chapter 8 . 10/21/2013
This is a strange mob story ... there's so much detail about mundane things, cleaning out an apartment, moving a family, running a hot bath, discussing employment and training, etc. They're like a cute warm and fuzzy mafia - which is unheard of. Bella is a moron - submissive to a stranger who runs guns, hookers and drugs? She says "OK" to everything. And the stupidest thing is to tell him that it was hot when he drew his gun - getting accidentally shot is cute to her. There's no personality there - Edward as well. A heated and tense relationship with complex characters was what I was expecting.
tiny122 chapter 9 . 9/7/2013
Love this chapter
belleveloso chapter 21 . 8/24/2013
good story
Guest chapter 18 . 8/2/2013
I really liked this story at first, but the massive comma errors and major grammatical errors makes it difficult for me to get really immersed in the story, which is essential for me. The premise of your story is great, and the flow is nice. I like your ideas, but the grammatical errors just turn me off. For future reference: theirownership, thereplace, and they're they are. Also, oozy is something flowing out of something-like a sore and is usually gelatinous, while uzi is the gun you were referencing. Sorehurts and is achy, while soar is akin to flying. Again, I really like the story but the grammar is difficult for me to get past.
saintfudge chapter 21 . 7/9/2013
nice quick read - thanks for sharing
vampiregirl31 chapter 21 . 7/4/2013
i love it this story was amazing
Lulu222 chapter 21 . 7/1/2013
Brilliant story.I absoloutely loved it ! :)
tinkerbear10 chapter 21 . 6/27/2013
I love it and hope there is soooo much more to it!
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