|Reviews for Lassiter and Shawn have a Shoot Out|
| Jes Parker chapter 18 . 1/31
... and my tablet decided I had written enough. Reason number uno why I don't write anything more than quick sentences on my tablet.
So, anyway, as I was saying. Miscombobulated, at times, in our heads, it is hard to remember that the audience doesn't see what we see. Doesn't know what we know. Hea it or feel it like we do. Just like Shawn, you want to make your audience feel, see, hear, everything that you are writing. You want it to play out like a scene in their head, not missing a thing. To do this, you must remember that you have to tell all.
Of course, it is quite possible I simply missed this scene, and I really, really hope that I did. If I did, I do hope you will point it out to me. This. scene, along with the other two most important people in his life, Henry and Gus, are key to the reader in this story.
Rock on! I am Already tearing through your next in series, and your authors list!
Jes Parker or, aka. J.L. Farnsworth :-)
| Jes Parker chapter 19 . 1/31
It was a phenomenal tale. A great storyline, with just enough side plots to keep it going steady and captivating. Beyond the general, easily, over-looked simple spelling, editing, or word usage mistakes, and a bit of rushing here or there, I thought it was fantastic! You are quite talented. Keep writing.
My one big question is how Carlton knows about Shawn's businesses? Unless I'm missing something, which is entirely possible, he goes from reading a book about his gifts and how his dad trains him - to knowing. I started the next in series and had really hoped that the few business references were a mistake, but alas, that wasn't to be the case.
I had really looked forward to this reveal. It made a huge difference about who Shawn was, and whether he was going to be honest or come clean. To each individual in his life that means something to him. That could be affected. This back story, and the reactions that it invoked was, and is, a key element in this plot. To skip it leaves the reader disappointed on a level that almost kills the story, no matter how good the rest of it is.
It is a good example of how one simple error, skipping one innocent scene, leaving out just the tiniest, yet key element to the story, cutting the wrong scene on the editing block, or just plain forgetting to tell the reader all of which you see, can kill a story in one feral swoop.
As a writer, with all of this information running around, miscombobulated, at times, in our heads a
| The Krystal Cat chapter 19 . 8/18/2014
AGAJLSBDOCNFK! I love this! -Cat.
| The Krystal Cat chapter 18 . 8/18/2014
Ooh, sassy lassie XD -Cat.
| The Krystal Cat chapter 17 . 8/18/2014
Poor Carl. -Cat.
| The Krystal Cat chapter 16 . 8/18/2014
This is beautiful. Lassie protecting shawn. *purrs in delight* -Cat.
| The Krystal Cat chapter 15 . 8/17/2014
Lolz. So lassie sucks at lying? XD -Cat.
| The Krystal Cat chapter 14 . 8/17/2014
Awwww McNab is such a geek. Lolz... -Cat.
| The Krystal Cat chapter 13 . 8/17/2014
MWAHAHA! Yay. I want to tell Papa Hen though... Lolz. -Cat.
| The Krystal Cat chapter 12 . 8/17/2014
I was rooting for the kiss :3 they're too cute! -Cat.
| The Krystal Cat chapter 11 . 8/17/2014
Uh oh... -Cat.
| The Krystal Cat chapter 10 . 8/17/2014
You made a mistake. The lady's name is Lucy and you wrote Judy near the end. This is really good and I suspect it was the woman. -Cat.
| The Krystal Cat chapter 9 . 8/17/2014
Well that's a fun way to end a date :I -Cat.
| The Krystal Cat chapter 8 . 8/17/2014
Aww ;-; poor lassie. Shawn's jumping to conclusions... Lolz. -Cat.
| The Krystal Cat chapter 7 . 8/17/2014
Yay! Papa Hen is helping. -Cat.