Reviews for Bruce Has A Problem
Brytte Mystere chapter 1 . 5/21
OH MY GOD! This is so incredibly hilarious!
I would love for this to become canon. I swear. May the gods bless you for writting this!
Flareose - Knifepoint Entry chapter 1 . 1/22
XD
lazyguy90 chapter 1 . 3/8/2014
Oh my god.

Hahahahaha. Oh this is just... Hahahaha.

Glorious. Absolutely glorious.

Excellent work on this.
NeophyteRonin chapter 1 . 1/23/2014
I haven't really issued a review before about this, but I read the round-robin and endeavor to write a visual novel that spins off from the concept. That's how ridiculous this one story is to me. Had they not reset continuity with the New 52, Batman Incorporated would be forced to approach this. Small wonder Grant Morrison didn't think of it before, given the kinks involved with such semi-disclosure.

This story illustrates the risk of semi-disclosure before anyone who can decipher it, but Dr. Quinzel points out the true problem: alcohol abuse. Granted, we know Batman is a teetotaler, so anything that drives him to drink is serious business. That aside, he went for the drink first without trying to deal with the lady, or at least no evidence was presented in the narrative. Sort of deconstructs Batman's composure: Harley can be quite the pain, but she is more like a tag-along than a true threat. In fact, she gets along with virtually everybody, including an emotionally stunted man-child like Bruce/Batman. She's not above considering the hard truths of her profession or playing real and nice, unlike the Joker who, after the Silver Age, became a personification of evil who is required to be chaotic, as opposed to an agent of chaos who is required to be good (like Batman). So what's the deal, here? Why would Batman shut down when Harley picks his side? Is that really so damning?

Perhaps Bruce is drinking because he never anticipated the ramifications of Batman Incorporated. It's not her, really. The "Problemverse" is possible. Most often, the weight of his vocation cripples any shot at true happiness. But Harley is fun personified-probably the Creeper's source of attraction-which might put a damper on the seriousness that Batman projects, but could also throw off villains while also reinforcing his fandom among children. One of Harley's greatest reliefs in deciding on this vocation is that she no longer has to deal with the awful truth that she was willing to sell out a child to keep herself safe-now, it's the polar opposite, something she's far more comfortable with. If she can turn a new leaf, even if her logic operates on variables alien to Batman's perspective, then Harley should be given a fair shot. To make it romantic might sound excessive, but that doesn't warrant resorting to brandy.

In other words, she might have jumped to one conclusion, but not all of them. And you thought Harley Quinn was just another bubble-headed blonde bimbo. Well, the joke's on you: she's not even a real blonde! (Something most artists often forget-she dyes her hair.)

This also puts to shame the stories where identities are exposed or possible to deduce, and then they fail to follow through for some reason. Take Pamela Isley: in one issue, she kissed Bruce Wayne with a death poison that may only be cured if she kisses him again. She kissed Batman later, ending the poison. You'd think that, since she refused to disclose an Ivy-exclusive antidote to either man, she could put them together-no matter how contradictory-and wave the secret identity before his face whenever she wants something from either man.

We solved this riddle about her lack of knowledge (despite her being a college-educated botanist) with "Identity Crisis", which muddied our impressions of the Justice League. They had been brainwashing supervillains, which explains why none of them have deciphered anybody's identities without superheroes coming out of their closets. The extremes of this reality strike a nerve that devastated all DCU continuity and may have even encouraged the New 52 reset switch. The Justice League may have suppressed Pamela Isley's knowledge of Batman on the supposition that she would use it for nefarious purposes.

However, she's an ecoterrorist centered on environmental protection-also, to let plants dominate the ecosystem instead of being stepped on like Objects (like how they're called in D&D 3.5-look it up). That doesn't mean all the animals are gonna die-she knows well that photosynthetic plants require CO2 just as animals need O2, something her predecessor, Dr. Woodrue, failed to consider. Her motivation stems from her history, her desire to never be hurt again, and cull those who disrupt the natural order. That's what she hopes to do, at least; she often runs afoul of the law when she tries to raise money for a cause that no-one donates to. If she knew Batman's identity and his background, wouldn't she find a kindred spirit rather than archvillain? He fights for social justice as she fights for environmental justice. She already crushes on him, despite their differences. Wouldn't be a shame if the Justice League routinely brainwashed her into a coquettish ecoterrorist with no working knowledge of Batman so she's easily captured time and time again, especially when doing so would reset her motivations and character and ultimately scramble her psyche far beyond what Arkham could ever fix? If Batman didn't have to lie to her about who he really is, then she's pressured into being honest as well, if she truly has a thing for him. If not, then the only thing they both have in common is, as a consequence of either one's cause, they are reprehensibly mean-spirited, and are required to be that way.

Disclosure should work. In the Problemverse, Harley further explores Batman's personal history and realizes just how delicate his psyche is. Pamela is drawn to men who like to be in control, but have the ability to be tied up. Given Batman's relationships with Wonder Woman and Catwoman (and their preferred weapons), it would be something they have in common. So, why conjure up a ridiculous B.S. notion about supervillains routinely failing to remember anything about their enemies (Identity Crisis) and being drawn into doing the same things over and over again despite character development that gives them the benefit of the doubt (Circe, who should have settled things with Wonder Woman back in 1991)? Is it solely to prevent from having to produce new villains or situations as characters turn leaves in some preconceived notion of checkerboard morality?

In other words, Adrian Tullberg and his followers should be writing Elseworld stories. In one deft stroke, "Bruce Has a Problem" and its successive round-robin fic had punctured the concept of secret identities and the theatricality and deception that ourselves from understanding the true reality of a person. Eventually, someone with a talent for figuring people out will uncover these truths, whether we like that idea or not. Even so, a little transparency isn't going to kill you. The bourbon will. A better choice is to learn to handle just a little fair criticism about how you go about things.
The-Year-of-the-Dragon chapter 1 . 11/4/2013
I laughed so hard. Harley would never get the message.
Sandataba chapter 1 . 10/23/2013
"This big emotionally stunted man-child was trying to tell the world he loves me!"

*Cackles*.

Oh, but it's true. It sounds true. It isn't insane at all. If Batman were to fall in love, that would be the way he would go about it. Of course. Such perfect logic, Dr. Quinzel!

And in the end, this is how the Joker finally destroyed Batman.

Lovely story. I hope you can post the continuation to this. I gather this is a roundrobin sort of thing on the forum? am not very familiar with navigating that site compared to ffnet so I'm still scrounging around trying to find links and such. Still, this was the best start of a Batman/Harley fic ever.
Hinatafanboy chapter 1 . 1/29/2013
...wheeze...when I can breathe again form laughing...
dalulzing chapter 1 . 1/1/2013
ROFLMAO
VampireApple chapter 1 . 12/12/2012
"What can we do to her that the Joker has already done to her, and she still wouldn't get the message?"

I have no idea what to do. I'm am just that tickled and happy to have read this.
Willow-Bee the Cat chapter 1 . 8/31/2012
Awesome. What indeed can they do?
dogbertcarroll chapter 1 . 7/26/2012
I don't know what's funnier the comment about a safeword or Bruce pointing out that even the Joker couldn't drive her off! LOL!
Guest chapter 1 . 7/25/2012
This is just too funny is there more of this?
Mad Cat23 chapter 1 . 3/3/2012
Yeap Bruce sure has a problem...this is so hilarious I can't stop laughing! Keep it up ;)
thmanwithnoname chapter 1 . 2/4/2012
I'm not sure exactly why (I think I have a problem) but I love Batman/HQ fics. This isn't exactly one of them, but that's why I found it.

This was a real crack up, well done.
Washington-Jones chapter 1 . 12/10/2011
Sooooooooooooooo funny !
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