|Reviews for The Game of Champions|
| Vile Slanders chapter 4 . 8/14/2015
Me again, flash posting reviews like spam. Apologies.
As of Chapter III, I rescind my previous assertion of your exposition formatting. It feels much more clean cut in late Chapter II, and all throughout Chapter III. Excellent work. You found your groove.
Also, it's becoming vapidly apparent that this Dark Parallel has an incredibly rich, morbid history. While I cringed inwardly when you mention the Challenger Space Shuttle being used by NASA as anything other than an Orbiter (Landing on foreign planets? I don't think so.), I can easily overlook this. The inconsistency is inconsequential. The history, sentiment, and depth is all there.
I love the bureaucracy you've developed in regards to the League. Realistically influenced by profit, yet beholden the traditions of survival. An incredibly well designed and believable congress, fully marred by human greed and based upon the annals of natural selection. Nice.
I also like how you have made certain, otherwise minor, figures into towering idols. In your story, Brock's character seems more of an imposing and insurmountable challenge, rather than how the games portrayed him as a ego-stroking milestone. That, and I'm cool with Skyeater's physical distinctions. Awe-inspiring, yet not so over the top that I rolled my eyes during his introduction. I'm actually rooting for Skyeater, even if I know that some miracle is going to save Pikachu.
Also, nice economy. Properly feudal, yet comfortable in it's modern post-apocalyptic recovering civilization. It works like a snare.
Finally the bit I've been wanting to shamelessly prattle about, but I shall endeavor to abstain from such temptations. Agatha and Gengar. Favorite Characters. Just sayin'.
In all honesty, while Oak's old Dragonite didn't really do to much for me, Gengar's introduction had my skin crawling. I loved it. I've never actually felt that level of dread and reverence in regards to a pokemon, FanFiction related or otherwise.
Dialogue is still well worded, but hard to follow. Hopefully this adjusts in the future. Other than that, this is turning into a human epic. No pressure. Just letting you know that this arrogant bastard is genuinely humbled by your talent.
| Vile Slanders chapter 2 . 8/13/2015
Well- Holy shit. Just when I was about to retire all hope for any semblance of talent on this site, I finally found a story that warranted a Favorite.
Now, I'll stop acting like a patronizing Douche, and gloss over the reasons for my "Fav."
Your story is well written, intelligent, original; and curiously, nostalgic.
Your selection of First Person Past Narrative as the medium is well founded, given your writing style. Attempting to write such personal depictions from Third Person Narrative would have cheapened the experience, and would have made it more difficult to empathize with the Narrator, Red. Good on you.
You've taken Jive to the scientific level. Whenever Blue spoke, I found myself narrating in a thick, cocky voice. Well formatted, extremely characterized, and rather pleasant to read aloud.
I'm not one to often consult a thesaurus when reading fiction, but some of the phrases and terms used humbled me into the role of a pupil. I confess, I did have to use a thesaurus twice in this chapter. Ouch. Goodbye pompous ego.
I like the Dark Parallel you've developed. It's clearly well thought out, mature, and rather original; yet it stays true enough to the original RED/BLUE Games' Universe that I did indeed experience a twinge of nostalgia reading this. Almost enough of a twinge to stop breeding Porygon in ORAS, and dig out my old Blue version. Almost, but that Trick Room Download Porygon isn't going to hatch itself.
Every character feels powerful in this story; very tangible, very human. I felt pity for Red's mother, grudging fondness for Blue, sympathy for Professor Oak, curiosity for Ashford (I HATE Mr. Mimes), and a cheer for Red. They are all very elaborate, yet not overdone. Touche.
Now the bit where I criticize.
Only two things:
1.) Dialogue Format.
-It's pretty hard to keep up with some of the word blocks. A little extra line spacing could help in this arena. Pretty minor, but it would make the verbal exchanges a little more digestible.
2.) Poetic Eruption
-Wow. You have a lot of details. Not too much. But a lot. Some of your descriptions carry on to the brink of becoming tangents. If you describe such powerful and evocative imagery and sensation with complete aplomb, your audience has a tendency to lose sight of the story, and to instead be absorbed by the exposition. A rethink for the formatting could help. Have you considered breaking the details up into smaller expositions in an effort to not blindside the setting? I'm not suggesting that you should lose any of your details, just relay them in a bit more grounded and cohesive manner.
Other than that, this is an excellent story. I'm going to take my time reading it to fully savor your particular style.
| Never Morrison chapter 12 . 8/13/2015
Holy shit... you've accomplished what no other ff writer has, you've made me want to read pokemon fiction. I realize that on the scale of accomplishments you keep in your head that this probably doesn't register, but still. Much as I loved the games, the anime, and some of the manga, I never looked into fan fiction for it. Well, now I am compelled to. Good show!
| PenguinsWithForks chapter 12 . 8/8/2015
Please update this story! You have me hooked in, I am dying to know what happens next.
| ahominedaiki chapter 12 . 8/7/2015
Holy moly, me-oh-my, this is definitely my favourite pokemon fanfiction. Just all the thought into the pokemon world, and that pokemon aren't some little lapdogs, and all the detailed description. Definitely a must read if you like to read something that gives you something to think about.
| Spiner909 chapter 12 . 7/30/2015
I hope this isn't another story joining the deadfic graveyards. It was pretty fantastic.
| jibasco chapter 1 . 7/29/2015
When would we be able to expect an update? This story is flat out amazing
| LoveGlutton chapter 9 . 7/25/2015
So red has bill snooping in?... Thats odd
Wow you incorporated the poliwhirl jonx thing in beautifully
Holy fuck... A starmie that forced an elite four member down?
| LoveGlutton chapter 10 . 7/24/2015
It was wattson?
Surge is with rocket... Shouldnt surprise me
| LoveGlutton chapter 8 . 7/24/2015
Wow i can see why blue was laughhing his ass off... Well that takes care of the bulbasaur...
| LoveGlutton chapter 7 . 7/24/2015
Mt moon massacre?... I dreamed of red defeating grunts and grinding thwm beneath his boots but... Massacre? Im going to enjoy this
After eading oh i see... An unknowing participant... Still badass on how you kill someone though... Ill save that tidbit for when i need it
Wow that was awesome
| LoveGlutton chapter 6 . 7/24/2015
Wait hold the fuckin phone green gets withh red in here? Green exists in this universe... AWEEESOOOOOOOME
| LoveGlutton chapter 5 . 7/24/2015
I had no idea Oak was so terrifying... An entire city just to ward him off?... Destruction of the stock market and companies and cults... Holy fucking shit..
| LoveGlutton chapter 4 . 7/24/2015
The creator of pokemon given the title of "first" how epic... And romantic
Your portrayl and deconstruction of this world pleases me... This is I wanted from pokemon... And red... Though i am confused by poke on size according to humans even in here... I can enjoy the fic to its fullest
I know it doesn't mean much... But i thhank you for your service... Bith on this website... And away fighting to protect us
| LoveGlutton chapter 2 . 7/24/2015
... Damn... No mans lands...
I really love this...