|Reviews for Harry Potter and the Cloaked Death|
| Guest chapter 9 . 10m ago
Man, contractions are a speaking person's best friend, use them. Do you not use contractions when speaking?
| Guest chapter 8 . 11m ago
Man you really need to fix this Dialogue, it's bothering me. After someone says something, a comma needs to be used. Example: "I like pie," the old man said. If you don't refer to someone as saying something, no comma is used. Also you need to capitalize all instances of Hokage. He is a person correct?
| Guest chapter 7 . 19m ago
Everything in this chapter felt really cheesy. The one before this as well. Shame, the story well shaping up to be good, but you sort of fell to some cliches and horrible writing that includes dialog. In chapter 6 we are treated to 5 billion (slight exaggeration) point of views that it gets obnoxious and is rather pointless. In this chapter we get a Harry that is so... OC. A voice that travels all over a country, really? The whole duel is weird. A chain? Nothing is reasonable about that. If Lucius wanted the elder wand he could have easily just said to stand still or his wife would be killed and shot the Avada Kedavra. A whole duel is rather pointless is what I'm trying to get at. And you do realize that a chain can move right so Harry can't really blame chains for lack of, I don't know, moving to the side when he is struck with a spell. That whole flashback strays way too far and I can't suspend my disbelief for it. He's Super!Harry on both dimensions despite you claiming he's not. A whole chapter devoted to providing Harry angst and to help explain an exposing of his powers. I'm not even sure I want to continue reading.
| Byakugan789 chapter 17 . 3/9
Die you stupid little shit. Someone shoulda killed you in canon. Redemption alla naruto you did not deserve.
Speaking ah, naruto, It'd be funny if Harry made Jounin by the time Naruto graduated and took him on as one of his genin team. Funnier still if, as you don't seem to be willing to just kill off or mindrape sasuke with the perfect world Tsukiyomi, that Sasuke be on Harry's gennin team.
It could work. Harry's four, since Sasuke was six when harry was one that means he's nine now, and he and Naruto didn't graduate untill they were 12. Your harry already has enough chakra to make his own cloak, three years should be enough for training and his sharingan to bring him up to fresh Jonin in time to take his brothers team from kakashi's lazy mitts.
| Byakugan789 chapter 15 . 3/9
Rin? The fuck? Kakashi and Tobi/Obito-who-claims-to-be-madera got their Mangekyou Sharingan from watching Rin DIE _years_ before the Uchiha Massacre. No way she could be your Jonin instructor unless this is a similarly named member of her clan.
| LoK chapter 8 . 3/9
Think you should just rewrite this story grammar mistakes aside Itachi crying to the Hokage made me stop reading this. Notice Hokage is capitalized..
| tamashiyuki chapter 36 . 3/8
I like so much!
| Byakugan789 chapter 10 . 3/7
Tsunade doesn't use Genjutsu to alter her age. She uses medical jutsu for that. Which is pretty impressive when you think about it.
As so danzou unwittingly parots voldemort. rofl. Die, you little shit, die!
| Byakugan789 chapter 9 . 3/7
Pity that you didn't save Mikoto. Sure, let the rest of the clan die, but the milf? She wasn't even involved... *hangs head*.
| benstone chapter 36 . 3/7
Hello, my name is Benjamin but you can call me Benji :3 I have been reading your story for a while..one week to specific shudders the story itself is quite long so one night, I think halfway through I just gave up. Guess what I did the next morning, I just started reading it again, its that addicting! I feel like a junkie and tour story is my crack. What I love most is how most people respect Haru even though he six right now, it just goes to show how respect is a big part of the culture. Second thing I like is how it isn't cannon! You keep me guessing with every chapter! realizes that this review is long soooo to sum it up, I really like your writing, and I hope you finish this story (ω)
P.S Will team Gai have any confrontations with haru? I have always liked Neji talking to Harry in any cross fic I read (ω*)
| Byakugan789 chapter 8 . 3/7
The pervading religion of the Naruto manga is japanese shinto mythos. The 'devil' would not have been something Itachi would even have thought of. Instead it would have been the Shinigami or Izanami. Shinigami is the personification of death itself whilst Izanami, the mother of creation and wife of the creator Izanagi is the undead corpse queen of Yomi, the japanese Hell.
| Byakugan789 chapter 7 . 3/7
...Harry's completely ignored the imperious curse cast by far stronger individuals. Malfoy he would not need to fight.
| neveryears chapter 1 . 3/7
I generally judge a story's quality by its opening paragraph. In this case, once you eliminate all the excrement, you basically give readers three non-sequiturs: Harry is tired of seeing his family die, Harry is in possession of the Elder Wand, and turning the resurrection stone three times lets him see dead people.
I had one of those, "wait...what?" moments.
Speaking generally, a paragraph usually explores a single topic. Cramming a bunch of ideas together without giving any context and padding it with verbal fluff - in your very first paragraph, mind - is a terrible idea. But beyond that, a first paragraph is usually meant to attract attention. It's also maybe, perhaps, probably, supposed to make sense and provide context or scope and whatnot, but honestly, let's not fuss, shall we?
Then I read the second paragraph and realized that was probably the first paragraph of your story. Very clever. You were trying to get me to stop reading, weren't you? Well, I won't be so easily thwarted.
To give this story a fair chance, I donned a military grade helmet to deflect all manner of sentence fragmentation, and hunkered down to read the entire chapter aloud, exactly as it was written. I suggest you do the same so you can share the comedy. You have an interesting style of interpretive conversational grammar that is an absolute treasure to endure. One day, surely, you will look back at this and laugh along with me.
Until then, good luck! And happy writing!
| firelordeg chapter 36 . 3/7
thank you for sharing another fantastic chapter please continue to update as life allows
| LoK chapter 3 . 3/7
Go back and edit your early chapters please..