|Reviews for Code Geass: Brand New World|
| Nightraze chapter 5 . 3/21/2013
Great fic! I'm adding this to my alerts/follows! I hope you decide to update soon!
P.S. I personally would prefer a Kallen x Lelouch fic.
| Guest chapter 5 . 11/1/2012
wow... this is very great... lelouch vs lelouch I can't imagine!
| Wowza48 chapter 5 . 2/21/2012
epic story so far
| viviboo chapter 5 . 12/17/2011
This is very interesting. I wonder how the original Lelouch intends to deal with the new one.
| ArnaudB chapter 2 . 11/25/2011
Onward for chapter 2 criticism time! This time I'll be writing as I read. Once again, the purpose of my reviews is helping fellow writers to improve their stories and styles while working on my own, no flames but only constructive observations and suggestions are my ideals! Blaze on!
First a good point, you addressed Odysseus and Schneizel problem while however Clovis is still around. A bit curious just to HOW a 15 years old Lelouch could assassinate Schneizel though, Ody no wonder but Schneizel is gonna need some explanation.
Now then a bad point, last chapter you just stated that people were staying at home when the imperial guard is around, so does that mean Lelouch is far from the action? Yet since he met Kallen almost afterward it doesn't seems to be the case. that said, then WHY is 'a couple walking down the street' instead of locking themselves up?
-Advice for quick-fix: make the couple two lovebirds lost in their own world, that would be a believable and quick solution.
Now, 'Lelouch vi Britannia, the hero'. You do realize he just died as a tyrant right? I see your point but I really believe 'the one walking on the bloody path of the messiah and martyr' would somewhat be much more awesome and accurate.
Then, using itallic for thoughts, no it isn't the best way. It can be used but then you'd be better off writing in first person.
*The Osaka bombings... of course. This was a year ago. But how am I Emperor? I feel like I've stepped into an alternate universe. That may be the case, but how? Another approaching crowd lead him to turn around and flee back down the alleyway. I don't have any time for this. I need to get out of here; how am I supposed to explain how their Emperor arrived in Japan early, stained with blood.*
-Maybe more like that?-
*The Osaka bombings...Yes it did trigger his memory. That was a sad event that happened a year ago. However the vision of himself as Emperor puzzled him, he wasn't sure but somehow the man on the video seemed familiar yet different from his own broadcast, an impostor?...*
My point is, tell indirectly his thoughts instead of bringing them out of his head, this is written text not video. Also please, this Lelouch just died and he see a look-alike being emperor. Does the first thing that would enter his mind would be going into another universe? Blasted Sword of Akasha, if Lelouch did read animes and such then maybe yes. But I think the usurper theory or something a little less extravagant than 'alternate universe' would be considered by Lelouch first.
And since he wouldn't know that he's in another universe, he would be worried not about explaining his presence here, but rather that he might get killed because a wounded tyrant that made hismelf hated by the whole world isn't really a safe situation...
Second scene, okay that was unexpected and actually a good idea. However Kallen saying "I can't wait to kill you." Hem... Kallen actually has some feelings for Lelouch and upon seeing 'Zero' killing Lelouch must have realized that Lelouch isn't pure evil, she isn't the biggest hater of Lelouch. I'd rather expect that line from Cornelia. Also they just arrived and Kallen already realized the Lelouch in this world (because yes she's uber smart like Lelouch and ALSO realized they've just gone into another world. Something which by canon's standard is downright impossible?... fine let's admit.)
And so not knowing what this Lelouch did in his own world, they already plan to kill him without the slightest hesitation, Lelouch ready to start another rebellion out of his hat?
I suppose I don't need to point it further that this is a pure: *God(Author) give you this sacred mission, shut up and do it!*
Onward... so the imperial guard, which is an elite force, got completely routed although they were on their guard? One-sided win from rebels against superiors pilots in Knightmares? Even canon Lelouch got his victory because Clovis and his officers were pathetic leaders, it that hadn't been the case he would have been screwed.
Oh yeah, Naoto is here *raise thump up* Now I see the interest in bringing Kallen along.
Onto next chapter-
| ArnaudB chapter 1 . 11/25/2011
Okay, so let's see what we've here... I am gonna be throughout since this story actually seems to be promising and thus is worth spending time in seeing its holes filled.
As far as grammar goes I've nothing to say, which is a good point.
On the 'L kill Charles' part and ascend as emperor, this bring an interesting premise however I hope we'll have some explanation later about the fact that Lelouch vi Britannia is the last remaining of 'vi Britannia'. Does that mean that he's the last of the 'vi' or the last of the whole family of Britannia? (slightly unbelievable, need to point out a Charles with much less wife in that case. That... or juts have Lelouch as the first in line, which elimate Schneizel and Co.
There seems to be something wrong since Clovis is alive, is cannonicaly the third prince of Britannia and yet Lelouch is emperor before him. As Clovis was 24 when lelouch was 17, the need to swap their ages might be much needed...
Next, the imperial guard of the Emperor is in area 11? That seems a bit odd considering the imperai guard shouldn't leave the emperor, unless you mean the guard is actually an army and not the emperor's personal guard. I wish you would clear that point somehow, else at least make the leader remark 'insistent the Emperor was in sending such elites forces for -just- gas'.
Then, the Emperor coming as a sort of viceroy for an area? Who rules the rest of the empire then? An emperor is an emperor because he rules the whole empire, not a single area. Without even the 2nd Lelouch presence to justify the Emperor's personal attention on the area, it seems really done 'for plot sake' rather than a natural conclusion of unsaid past things.
That said, also please avoid putting Author Notes at both the start and end of the chapter, do at the start or at the end but not both. It especially weaken the conclusion of the prologue.
Yes, finally the "Was that... me?" with the description just above was a great cliffhanger which gave many point to this story... unfortunately the author note just afterward somewhat ruined the dramatic effect. As a fellow writer I'll advise you: NEVER put author notes after a mean cliffhanger, that way you keep the awesomeness(Killing intent of your readers for putting dirty cliffhanger)
Now... Onward next chapter!
| narutofan020 chapter 5 . 11/25/2011
Well this should be interesting,have an idea who the Knight of One is,see ya next time.
| Lordban chapter 5 . 11/24/2011
A Lelouch vs Lelouch comfrontation, one holding dominion over the whole Empire and the other enjoying secrecy and control over Geass. This is going to be a dangerous game between opponents who won't need much time to spot inconsistencies in each other's actions...
I'll second Genericrandom. Live and let the characters live :)
| Genericrandom chapter 4 . 11/22/2011
This one's off to an interesting start, and gives Zero and Lelouch the greatest and worst opponents they could ever wish for/imagine.
I'm a pro-LelouchxKallen fan, but I always think you should take the story and the characters where they want to go. Write what comes out the best, that's my vote. If that means Lelouch and Kallen forge a relationship cast adrift in this new world? Great. If it means that there's no romance at all? Fine! Just so long as you don't arbitrarily change main character's sexual orientations, I'm pretty much all for it if that's where the story takes you.
As for the plot, it's a bit early to tell, but what you've laid out so far shows a lot of promise. Keep going with this one.
| narutofan020 chapter 4 . 10/30/2011
Im interested in seeing where this story goes,it has a lot of potential and if you can grip Lelouch's way of thinking then this will be a great story
| CupcakeCookie chapter 1 . 9/21/2011
Wow, Real nice job on that ;)
| nxkris chapter 4 . 9/19/2011
great to see lelouch has CC now. it would help if you made longer chapters, i normally search only 20k and higher, only have caught this one when at the top of the update list. hope the next chapter begins some action, also i hope kallen will get a costume like lelouch. update soon.
| XT3100 chapter 4 . 9/19/2011
Nice chapter I really cant wait for more!
| graive the crimzon chapter 3 . 9/13/2011
I absolutly love the idea
| XT3100 chapter 3 . 9/8/2011
KxL or anti KxL. well i would like to see kallen x leluoch. You really should do what you want to anyways. Maybe just make it that leluoch care for her as a friend and Kallen cares for him as a close friend of her own.