|Reviews for New Neighbors|
| Hanzo of the Salamander 2.0 chapter 10 . 2/1/2012
| Haissan chapter 10 . 1/30/2012
I assume there is the one with the gordian knot reference is one of the major stories On Equestria Daily?
| Lizardsareradical chapter 10 . 1/30/2012
Nice rewrite so far. I loved the description of Rainbow's and Monochrome's water trick. Really original. Props for that.
| RealityCheck chapter 1 . 1/1/2012
chapter 10 and 11 are missing. Rewrite in progress?
| Risky chapter 11 . 12/29/2011
I really hate to agree with you Multiversity. I didn't really like this chapter either...
It wasn't bad, but it suffers from 2 increasingly prevalent problems. The first is your characters are beginning to suffer from Mary Sue syndrome. Other OC characters are certainly far from being uninteresting, and for the most part are rather well-developed, their character traits coming ridiculously pronounced in their powers are over shining the already exceptional mane-six. Beck now has an invisibility spell? his experience as a narrator lets him discerned story elements and understand the increasingly complex plot? if these were shown more subtly he be completely acceptable, but having your random OC show up and and integrate with main six in get such a powerful and commanding role can be unbelievable.
Why couldn't twilight have performed invisibility spell? also, while I am positive is plot relevant, Eclipse and Morphic are just getting ridiculously overpowered.
Again, everything you're presenting is very, VERY interesting, and can certainly hold your attention, the story elements are getting increasingly more elaborate and complex without any context for why they're happening rainy lead up into these otherwise extraordinary occurrences. This can be lessened by spending more time describing scenes at length or inserting more minor character interactions between major events. the first four chapters of the series are still my favorite, because they're funny and introduced very interesting and unique characters in a amazingly comical manner.
Truth be told, the slice of life moments of the series are the ones with the most memorable and entertaining. You could also stand to elaborate more on the plot, given that you're presenting the readers with more and more extraordinary characters and plot elements.
I'll certainly keep following story, because really I just want to figure out what on earth is actually happening, but also because I would love to see the falling action of the story in more of your OCs interacting with the main six in a reasonable manner. or heck, redo the series without the increasingly nonsensical plot details that have muddied the character interaction that made the story so endearing.
Final word of advice: don't make your OC characters superpowered to the point where they can outdo the already pretty superpowered main characters of the show. Good luck! hope you continue producing fiction.
(and please take what I say with a grain of salt, and references all my humble opinion)
| Hanzo of the Salamander 2.0 chapter 11 . 12/29/2011
I look forward to reading what happens next in your story.
| SergeantShenanigans chapter 11 . 12/28/2011
I love the story so far and I also love how much the 4th wall has been broken keep up the good work.
| Lizardsareradical chapter 11 . 12/28/2011
Nice chapter. We finally see what this villain does. Which is creating order. That would also explain his weakness to Pinkie. Can't wait to see more.
| SergeantShenanigans chapter 7 . 12/28/2011
The fourth wall was destroyed in chapter 7.
| Questionable Object chapter 11 . 12/28/2011
When I started reading this I wasn't sure what to make of it.
I love this story the characters are very interesting and this story is so imaginative.
Loving every moment of it and can't wait for more!
| MrBeefzilla chapter 1 . 12/22/2011
confound fanfiction forceing me to type so I can subscribe -_-
| BrilliantFacade chapter 10 . 12/3/2011
you sir know how to write a great story and please don't rush take all the time you need
| Psychodrome chapter 10 . 11/28/2011
Just a great story in general keep going where your going I cant way to see how it turns out!
| Joshabi chapter 10 . 11/28/2011
You do know they meant the general feeling of humour that some parts gave, like Pinkie opening a box with the crowbar that she got out of the box by opening the box with the crowbar. And the music. The music's funny to.
Is Lemony going to break the fourth wall often, or will it be accidental?
| musicssound chapter 10 . 11/27/2011
Ok, you keep asking for criticism. I'm going to tell you now, there is nothing to criticize. I could sit here and nitpick all day, but you're not going to write anypony exactly the way they appear on the show. For example, Pinkie can do deadpan in certain circumstances, which you've yet to do at all. And besides, even if you mastered Pinkie from a certain episode, you still could be completely off next episode, because FiM has multiple authors, and you're probably better at writing Pinkie than some of them.
My actual point: If you're not doing anything obviously wrong, you're not doing anything wrong period.
Moving on, your characters are very good. Monochrome is designed from the bottom up to be an anti-Rainbow, isn't he? I'm surprised I didn't notice by the name, it took me a bit to compare the personalities, and experiences. But anyway, this could either work out, or not. I still think you're treading the line, not turning in any direction, but you could still fall off easily at this point. After all, we have a quote: "I HATE losing." So, if and when that fails, at least make sure it's spectacular.
I can't think of anything else for now, so I'll just wish you luck. Good Luck!