|Reviews for Fourth Time's the Charm|
| ni.de.ai.ren chapter 38 . 2/18
i realize that you have not updated in a while but... i absolutely love this story! this is truly an amazing work of literature! in fact, im almost speechless at the perceptive of the feelings and the way the story has progressed. i love the way cloud is so -just WONDERFUL- and sephiroth and cloud; their relationship is absolutely adorable. i hope and i wish that you know of the people, like me, whom your story has absolutely made their day! as i had read this story, i was completely enraptured and couldnt be separated from my ipad! i can only imagine how wonderful a person you must be to write such a story. i find myself wishing with abated breath that you will continue and finish this wonderful piece of work that i have fallen in love with. i thank you from the bottom of my heart for the chance to read such a wonder for it is the kind of story i find myself reading over and over and i desperately hope that you will find your muse to help you continue writing. i eagerly await your next update on the edge of my chair!
a newly dedicated follower 爱人
| Ravenshadow16 chapter 38 . 12/26/2013
I have devoured this story, dare I say book. I love it, every thing about it down to the last detail. In two days, I have read up to this chapter, and found myself completely and utterly furious when there was no 'next' button for me to press. I beg, plead, beseech of you with all my heart: Please, finish the story. It is beautiful, majestic, with a radiance to the writing style and ideas I have never seen before. The depth in detail is something I have rarely, if ever witnessed in a fanfiction, and something that I don't often find in published works. By all rights you should be a published author, you have the raw talent and imagination to excel at it. I love this fanfiction and crave more with my entire being. Please, continue it, finish it. True beauty is only apparent when you see the whole picture.
| fluffypenguin13 chapter 38 . 11/8/2013
please please PLEASE continue on this story! I will EXPLODE with sadness if I can't read more.
| Anyssia chapter 38 . 11/6/2013
This story is unbelievable. I love it so much! :D
The idea of Seph/Cloud soul mates makes me go all And of course, I love time travel and serious, plotty stories, so this one was definitively a real pleasure to read (all in one day \o/ ) :)
| echoing song chapter 38 . 7/19/2013
Really good story!
| mangafan29 chapter 38 . 6/26/2013
This is amazing you should continue it.
| yuichichan17 chapter 38 . 6/17/2013
Please update this fic again, because this fic is amazing... It has been more than half a year since your last update, and i hope that you won't abandon this fic.
| kat1316 chapter 38 . 6/9/2013
nooooo wheres the next button? chapter 39? T.T
| Yuurei no Chu chapter 38 . 4/19/2013
Brilliant. Gosh this is mako poisoning in the most awesome way. Read this beauty from the beginning to end and damn, am I addicted.
Keep up the good work.
| Darkfire The Phoenix chapter 2 . 3/2/2013
"Long, black spiked hair, and a smile. The corner of his mouth always was quirked up at the corner when he was plotting something."
"Long, black spiked hair, and a smile. The corner of his mouth always was quirked up when he was plotting something."
"Long, black spiked hair, and a smile; His mouth always quirked up at the corner when he was plotting something."
Personally, I prefer the second example. Quite enjoying the story so far, even if it feels a little disjointed. May I also suggest telling flashbacks in italics, instead of BOLD? It's a little distracting, to me at least. To each, their own, I suppose.
I hope my criticism is constructive!
| Axelicious Roxorpantz chapter 38 . 2/22/2013
Just caught up to here after reading this story over the last 3 days or so. Very well written and thought out. I'm loving it so HARD. It's so in depth yet always leaving me asking for more and with a million questions about this, that and practically everything in here. You've done a wonderful job, I look forward to reading more of 'Fourth Time's the Charm', 'Not again!' and the countless other works you have posted here. *hugs* You are amazing and I love you.
| Nemesia23 chapter 38 . 2/14/2013
Your story is beautiful, its quite an enthralling love story... I daresay that life is as every bit as complicated, a rebirth, a new journey, is it possible? But since this is fiction, its quite the case. I enjoyed reading the first chapter down to the last. I hope I can read a new update soon. Thanks for posting it so I was able to read and get to have fun reading your Time Travel fic.
| distractedreader chapter 31 . 1/23/2013
your author's note up top reminded me that his fic has become responsible for my sudden interest/plot to do a fem!Sephiroth cosplay. I blame my brain's ideas also on my collection of colored-hairspray and nearly knee-length hair. I really really wanna hit it with a mix of white, silver, and silver-glitter and walk around a convention all done up in black 'leather'... Also, I do enjoy reading your work, but hair distracted me a moment. scrolling back up to read the chapter now. XD
| OddKitty chapter 11 . 1/17/2013
Just thought you'd like to know, in chapter 11 at the end of the chapter, you've mispelled Hojo - it reads "Hoko". Also, you used "manor" instead of "manner". And overused "puppy"; this chapter seems to be the worst offender of that particular problem, though the chapters between 4-11 aren't without puppy spam. I know, we get it, Zack acts like a dog. The simile has become tiresome.
I've also noticed that you're Author's Notes are getting to be almost as long as your chapter. Perhaps you might consider putting it at the end of the chapter, or maybe removing all of your replies to your reviewers from it. It detracts from the story and is, truthfully, just plain annoying. If you're going to have an A/N: at the start of a chapter, make it a brief one or two liner. Also, FFnet now includes the synopsis at the top of the page - I'm sure you've noticed - so it's unnecessary to have a summary at the beginning of every chapter.
Your story would flow better if you removed all A/N:s that don't relate directly to the story or schedule changes.
The concept behind Cloud's migraines is interesting - I like the idea that people born in Nibelheim have naturally absorbed mako from the springs, but your explanation of people being from a reactor town is flawed in that midgar has six or seven reactors. it is the BIGGEST reactor town, not to mention the fact that Gongaga also had a reactor near it. Following your logic, all people from Midgar would be super-sensitive to refined mako. Having it so people living near natural springs being adversely affected works, though and I don't know if there were any mako springs near Zack's home, which would explain his ignorance.
| OddKitty chapter 4 . 1/16/2013
Interesting so far, though I do have some (possibly considered harsh) criticism for you.
In this chapter, when writing from Sephiroth's view, you called Zack a puppy. About five times... In two paragraphs... There is such a thing as overkill, once would have been enough to get the point across. If you want to keep making references to his puppy-like nature, I'm certain you can think of other ways. Using particular expressive language would do that for you. "His ears perked up", "His tongue lolled"; words like, trotted, snarled, whined, begged, pawed, etc. See what I'm getting at? Think of words that you would associate with a puppy and keep that in mind when writing Zack's movements. You don't have to be blatant to get your point across.
You've also used the word "Empathy" incorrectly. "Empathy" is to feel what another is feeling, or understand it because you have gone through a similar experience yourself. "Sympathy" is to have an appreciation for someone's feelings, regardless of your own experience (or lack thereof) in the matter. To "Pity" someone is the same as to have sympathy for, though it tends to have a condescending, more negative connotation.
The word you're looking for in this case, is none of those. The context that you have used "empathy" in would suggest that you're trying to say that Zack and Sephiroth have the ability to read people; from mood, posture, response and/or facial expression. The word that comes to mind would be "intuition", or even just "read". I've just looked up the study of body language and it's known as "kinesics" but it's a bit of an obscure phrase and probably wouldn't be appropriate to use unless Sephiroth had made a study of kinesics in order to better read people because he lacked the social aptitude.
In the first chapter, you had Cloud refer to himself as having "innocent yet wise eyes". Not quite verbatim but regardless, the phrase stuck out because it's a very haughty thing to think of yourself having such attributes. Seriously, when YOU look in the mirror at your eyes, I bet you notice the colour, the shape, the lashes but very rarely would you say, "My eyes look innocent and wise". If you're trying to get that across (and you have in the later chapters) let the other characters who are observing Cloud make those judgements. People are much more able to attribute qualities to the physical traits of others than they are to themselves. (Although on that score, I would admit to having a stubborn chin because that is how it literally looks - round and stubborn. But I'm a stubborn, round kind of person :P) When Cloud looks at his eyes, I imagine he would see that they're bloodshot, weary and dull. After all, he's just been through the ringer.
There may be a few words in your story (so far) that are misplaced, but I can't remember. Just take care to find the right word for the right application. Thesaurus, despite all its best intents, is NOT your friend unless you bring Dictionary along for the ride. Use it to find synonyms, then check the dictionary to make sure the usage is correct.
As to the actual layout of your story, I'm finding all the bold makes it laborious to read. Where you have flashbacks, you could quite simply just use italics. Actually, italics are really versatile. I pretty much use it for everything from flashbacks, to inner-thoughts, to "newspaper articles" within my stories, to emphasis on particular words both spoken and narrated, in order to provide stress and intonation. You only really want to use bold for headings (titles) or if someone is screaming. Even then, you'll be amazed at what the double exclamation mark can do!
If you want to make a clear distinction between the rest of the text and the flashbacks/interjections, you might consider using an indent along with the italics. That way the reader is alert to the fact that there is a change in the pacing. I don't personally do that, but it's not a bad suggestion.
In this chapter you capitalized the word "Authority". Again, I would have just used italics, because of the way SOLDIER is written, it made me pause and think, "Is that a new division in Shinra?"
And lastly, when you jump from one perspective to another within the same chapter, you don't really need to recap what happened a sentence ago - like the bit where Sephiroth said, "There is," and then said it again after the perspective change. You could have easily lead with, "Sephiroth was not quire sure why he said it..."
If there had be an interlude, then it would be more understandable but in that particular case (and similar), it's unnecessary.
Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying your story and intend to keep reading, it's just that even though I like it, I think it still has room from improvement.
I've only reached the fourth chapter, so I imagine there's a lot of character development to go and I'm looking forward to it. You've written Zack well, but as I've observed, he's a very compliant character to work with. Seph isn't as easy and so far you're doing well with him. Cloud is lovably erratic. I'm interested to know his thoughts in the next chapter. And Reno, he has to be one of my favourite characters from the franchise.
It's a good twist on the "Cloud is sent back in time to mend the errors of the Past" cliché. And the flashbacks (and subsequent consequences) add a good dose of inner turmoil and conflict, though hopefully they don't get overused. I look forward to reading more :D