|Reviews for A Better Tomorrow|
| Phoenixfire513 chapter 21 . 12/7/2013
i could not stop reading the story one i started i hope you will read my fan fic a new life it is avatar as well though i do not spell well i hope i can read more of your work and for being in college and writing at the same time i know how hard that can be assum job i am glad i found it
| Blu100-Jewel100 chapter 21 . 4/16/2013
great story romantic
| Hoplite39 chapter 21 . 2/10/2013
That was a good epilogue. I now understand the reason for the story title. The first bit about life on Pandora was good. I especially liked the bit about the tree of souls.
The bit on Earth was good. And I think you ended it at the right place in the context of this story. The aftermath is another story.
My biggest disappointment was that Neytiri's character lacked depth and individuality throughout the story. She felt like a token presence. I have expressed that before. But on the basis that it is Jake's story, I can understand the approach you took.
All in all a good story. Not quite what I expected but interesting and informative all the same, with some unexpected nice surprises like the hidden 5th column. Many thanks for your dedication. It is clear you love the movie. This whole exercise was an act if love. It is clear from the way you wrote it.
| Hoplite39 chapter 20 . 2/10/2013
The intimate scene between Neytiri and Jake was done well and tastefully. A necessary scene before the story ends.
| Hoplite39 chapter 19 . 2/10/2013
I enjoyed your interpretation of Jake's travel through Eywa. The conversations with the others was a nice touch. Again lots of good closure.
I felt the first half of the chapter was a little unnecessary. But I am sure others enjoyed it.
| Hoplite39 chapter 18 . 2/10/2013
I liked this chapter. It was more conventional filling in the gaps in the movie. I like the scene at the beginning between Jake and the Na'vi. Although I found the later scene with Norm and Max informative and interesting. The apology to Norm was touching.
The best bit was Jake's discussion with the Toruk. I loved it. That was a piece of brilliance.
I am disappointed with the treatment of Neytiri. She has been marginalised throughout and really comes across as nothing more than a stooge of Jake. But given this is Jake's story, perhaps it is to be expected.
| Hoplite39 chapter 17 . 2/10/2013
Good chapter. The descriptions of the burials were interesting and gave a bit if closure for some characters. The dialogue with Mo'at is probably your best dialogue in the whole story. We see Jake showing self-doubt and Mo'at giving reassurance. This is more what the story should be about. Jake's new relationship with the Na'vi.
Also we get to see Neytiri in a much more authentic light. In previous chapters she has almost been making a token appearance without really having to be there. She felt out of place and out of character. But when Mo'at talks about her, we get to visualise the real Neytiri that we know and love from the movie. It just goes to show that the best way to show a character in a good light is to have other characters talk about the.
| Hoplite39 chapter 16 . 2/8/2013
That was a good chapter. The speech to the clans felt authentic as did the part where the sktpypeipople left.
I am not convinced it was a good idea for Jake to announce in public that there were other insurgents on Earth. However, it is not necessarily out with his character. So I can go with that.
| Hoplite39 chapter 15 . 2/7/2013
I feel this could have been a lot shorter. I am not convinced Jake would launch into a social history of the marine corp and I don't believe Neytiri would have been interested. I think the parts about family were very relevant as Neytiri could relate to that. But I doubt she would relate to the political elements.
| Hoplite39 chapter 14 . 2/7/2013
Yes, it was a good call to include introduce some new allies from the base.
| Hoplite39 chapter 13 . 2/7/2013
I feel that Jake acted a bit too intellectual in this scene. I actually think this scene would have been better with Norm being the one arguing with Selfride. I feel that Jake is more a man of action. Also it would have given Norm a nice juicy role.
Also, I can't imagine jJake or Norm using the word "bully". I think another word like despot or tyrant may have been better.
In saying that. The scene was important and expressed the right things. It is just perhaps the wrong person was saying it for the Na'vi.
| Hoplite39 chapter 8 . 2/2/2013
Another good description of the scene from the movie.
| Hoplite39 chapter 7 . 2/2/2013
A good description of the action that occurred in the movie.
| Hoplite39 chapter 6 . 2/2/2013
Good to read some of the war preparations. But I would like to have read more. I would like to read how the warriors were trained to fire arrows through the windscreens. And I would like to hear Jake's reasoning for using the a cavalry charge, etc.
| Hoplite39 chapter 5 . 2/2/2013
I like the way Neytiri and the Na'vi are shown to be fallible here. In the movie they were portrayed as being almost perfect.