|Reviews for Web of Shadows|
| The Fic Critic continued chapter 7 . 1/28/2012
Carlie and the other Crimebusters found Northstar sitting in the library. The lights had almost been completely dimmed, leaving the room almost totally not illuminated, except for the fire burning in the hearth.
Northstar leaned back into an overstuffed armchair in the center of the room, twirled a long Bowie knife between his fingers and staring off into space. The flickering flames cast odd shadows over his alabaster face, leaving his icy blue eyes uncannily glassy and pale.
But Northstar didn't even acknowledge their presence. He simply sat there, entranced by the empty air, his facial expression blank.
Carlie was beginning to get annoyed with this boy. What kind of game was he playing with her?
But just then, a figure burst in through the window, sending shards of glass flying everywhere.
(Oh, the suspense! I’m shaking in my boots! [/sarcasm])
And the next chapter:
All of the Crimebusters were startled by the sudden appearance of an intruder crashing through the window. Even Northstar stood up and posed defensively with his bowie knife.
What do you want?" Carlie demanded of the intruder.
(Well, I don’t know about him, but I could go for some chicken about now, and a winning lottery ticket, and a girlfriend, a really hot one, like, insanely hot. Like the kind you see and instantly picture naked, who’s also a nice person, and really playful, and...Oh god I’m so lonely I may cut myself. Tis the life of a caustic critic, to be forever alone.)
The person who had invaded the library window was a very pale, tall, muscular man in a poison green spandex suit with a black skull and crossbones. He looked like a jack-booted thug.
"I am the Punisher MAX!" He declared. He pointed a machine gun at Carlie and the others. "Now, spill the beans! I am here for an amulet, heads and jocks and nerds! Can you dig it?"
(Excuse me? ‘The fuck you talking about?)
"What amulet are you talking about?" Kitty asked in confusion.
"Don't be a bunny!" Punisher MAX retorted. "Here's the skinny: I am in your crib for a heavy glow worm!"
(Seriously, what did you just say?)
"This is enough!" Carlie put her foot down. She wasn't going to let anyone point a gun at her or her friends. She hadn't had much of a chance for friends at her old school, Midtown Magnet Manhattan High School, largely because she was busy as Spider-Girl, solving crimes and taking down villains. Also, she had been too deep for most of the kids there to understand, and most of the girls had been really jealous of how pretty she was. She once almost gotten a boyfriend, a sweet guy named Peter Parker, who had been into science, like her, but his stupid girlfriend Mary-Jane had been totally jealous and had gotten in the way.
(Well, when you try to steal someone else’s boyfriend I’m sure they tend to not really like you. Its just common logic. But, you’d have to care about someone other than yourself to know that.)
Gwen had been her only true friend, and now Gwen was dead.
Because of her. It was all her fault. Her best friend was gone.
Tears welled in Carlie's sapphire blue eyes and dripped down her lovely, dramatic cheekbones, one teardrop trailing inward along the gorgeous plain of her face to fall upon her full lips.
(What was that? Why did you just suddenly start thinking about how cliché and angsty your past is? What is with you?)
No. She wasn't going to allow anyone to hurt her friends ever again. Perhaps that was her flaw- she was violently protective of her friends. She would destroy anyone who tried to hurt them- be it a villain, Rogue, or this Punisher MAX, and she wouldn't regret it at all because they deserved it.
(Actually, I think that’s part of your ‘all of that guy’s powers’ mutated gene. Spidey’s violently protective of the people he cares for, so you could chalk it up to that. And just like that I managed to find some fridge brilliance.)
Deftly, she extended her graceful, lean arms, allowing the webbing to shoot from her wrists and wrap around the Punisher MAX.
Carlie stalked up to the immobilized man; though her every moment was agile with a sinewy finesse, it was obvious to everyone that her demeanor was angry and determined.
"What is this amulet you're talking about?" She inquired, her mellifluous voice hard with contempt.
"Zoinks!" The man exclaimed. "You don't have to get zappy! I'm not here to hurt anyone!"
(You just blew up a wall and waved a gun in their face, how are you NOT here to hurt anyone?)
"Why are you here?" Scott folded his arms over his chest.
"You all stop jivin', youngblood!" The Punisher MAX said. "Don't be trippin'. I contract with a tubular homie known as W. Fiskie, or the Criminal Kingpin. You happen to posses the shizzle that he wants: a snazzy amulet that holds the key to the secret of life. Now, be totally munga and hand it over!"
(I think he’s just took away my will to live with that last sentence.)
"I don't think so!" Carlie replied.
"What you be smokin', cheese weasel?" The Punisher MAX inquired. "Dontcha you know, what W. Fiskie wants, W. Fiskie gets, or my name ain't Ra's Al Ghul! If the Kingpin Criminal thinks that you are breakin' foul on him, he'll set Daredevil, his top enforcer on you, and then it's black saber!"
(Ra-Ra’s Al Ghul? THE Ra’s Al Ghul? The Demon’s Head? Sir, I am a HUGE fan, especially the part about you being immortal. Would you mind showing me a Lazarus Pit sometime? Maybe let me have a sip? I know I’m not much, but I’ve helped purge the scum of the earth by being a critical douche to young writers, so it would mean a lot to me if I could join your Organization and maybe become a possible successor. I know-wait, Daredevil? Daredevil is his top enforcer? But, Daredevil is Fiskie’s enemy, arguably his greatest enemy. Wow, this fic is insane.)
"So Kingpin is after this amulet . . ." Carlie mused. "I wonder what he wants with it."
"What is this, a psycho convention or a confab?" The Punisher MAX queried. "Would y'all do me a favor and cut me down from the ceiling?"
"All right, here's what we're going to do," Carlie decided. "We'll cut you down from the ceiling, but you have to tell the Criminal Kingpin that we won't give him the amulet."
The Punisher MAX laughed. "You be gettin' psychedelic, hep-cats? The Criminal Kingpin won't appreciate your bogus diss!"
(Do any of you actually understand what he’s saying, because I sure don’t.)
"Well, he's just going to have to deal with it!" Carlie fired back. "I've devoted half my life to defeating criminals, do you think that I'm going to broker a deal with them! The Kingpin is head of a criminal organization, he's no better than the Green Goblin! The Green Goblin is a symbol of white supremacy and he's a terrorist! He's a murderer, too! He killed my best friend! I would never, ever, in a million years, endorse either of those people! I won't even buy a poster of myself fighting the Green Goblin, even though they're all over the place, because I don't want to have to look at an image of him everyday! And I would even contemplate doing something more serious and permanent, like getting a tattoo of him! I wouldn't get a tattoo of Spider-Man, either, because he's just a poser who's trying to copy off a my success!"
(Wait, didn’t you say he was your inspiration? Ok, so, Carlie, did you remember to take your medication? If not, have your Pineapples told you that you might want to take it.)
The Punisher MAX rolled his eyes. "Sure, whatever cuts the mustard for you, primadonna. Are you sure you aren't huffing the 'shrooms?"
(Wait, I think I understood that. I’m not sure, but I think that was a gangsta attempt at sarcasm. Ok, its official, Punisher MAX is now my favourite character.)
In anger, Carlie grabbed Northstar's bowie knife and cut her webbing off of the Punisher MAX. "Get out of here, you filthy degenerate, and don't ever return!" She yelled, throwing him back out the window.
(Wait, he implied you’re on the drugs, and your reply is to let him go? SO, these drugs, would you mind sharing any?)
He landed in a heap outside. "OOooff . . . ow! That chick's gone radically ziggy! Word up!" He got up and dusted himself off. "Well, now I can go harass the Pride's kids, even though that one purple-haired girl is dead and the blonde boy who was her beau has gone insane and struck off on his lonesome." The Punisher MAX set off on a journey.
(Wait, but, you have a gun. Why not take a few shots before you leave, you might be able to get one or two of them.)
| The Fic Critic chapter 7 . 1/28/2012
Hey its me, the Fic Critic, because someone had to say it.
So, lets get this on the road:
(Finally! No Disclaimer! We can finally go a chapter without being reminded that this is a fan work, like we didn’t know already.)
Carlie and her friends walked into the forest. Carlie was wearing a light blue lacy dress that had a scoop neckline with a light yellow cardigan with gold brass buttons that was longer than normal and a pair of white patent leather ballet flats with a trim of black grosgrain ribbon that also made a bow over the toe. She also wore a white leather belt with pink flowers patterned on it and an antique buckle. Her necklace was a small golden heart pendant with a light blue sapphire in the middle and it hung on a delicate golden chain. Her long golden hair was loose and she looked like Quinn Fabray from Glee before her pregnancy started to show.
(Ok, overly descriptive, Carlie’s hair changes again, and I’m very certain grosgrain is a made up word. Good old Web of Shadows)
All of her friends complimented her on her outfit before they went into the forest to meet with Northstar.
(Oh, what lovely pineapples to do something like encouraging her to keep with one outfit by complimenting it. I’d proffer if they just told her to stop changing her appearance like a character from Xaolin Showdown, but we can’t get what we always want.)
"I wonder what Northstar wants," Lance said in speculation.
"I'm not sure what he wants, but we should be careful of him," Scott cautioned. "He seems to be dangerous, going around and blowing up trees that aren't his property and whatnot.
(That’s... a good point. They SHOULD be cautious of him...And Carlie. She seems to be dangerous, going around and bullying Goths who’re people too and whatnot.)
The rest of the group nodded fervently in agreement with Scott's statement.
"I agree with Scott," Jean spoke up.
(I think the nodding was enough indication of that Jean.)
So they went to the grove of trees and waited for a while. Northstar didn't seem to be there yet.
While they waited, Carlie told them about the mystery she had helped her father solve when she was a child.
"I was at the crime scene with him," she explained clearly, "and I noticed that every window of the bank that had been robbed was open. So I concluded that the robber must have had claustrophobia and had opened the window to create the illusion of more space."
(Or better yet, it was someone not involved in the crime who opened them before the crime happened. Evidence is only evidence if you can prove it ties into the crime, and that doesn’t...Wait, didn’t you say you were just a kid when your dad was alive? Why would anyone even listen to you? Why would you even notice that? Why would you even know of claustrophobia?)
"Wow, Carlie," Pietro said, impressed. "The criminals out there better watch out, because they don't stand a chance against you!"
(Yeah, that’s why she was successful in stopping the Green Goblin killing her friend! Oh wait...)
"Yeah," Lance exclaimed. "We should, like, form a club or something to stop crime."
(Did...Lance just interrupt his own sentence to say ‘like’? How much time has he been spending around Kitty? Wait, a club? No, oh no, please tell me they’re not forming the Bayville Sirens again. I HATED that episode. God, how little logic is behind a girl power episode that involves dressing a bunch of underage teenagers in skin tight leather. Not to mention the lesbian vibes, oh the lesbian vibes. Because, that’s what feminism’s about, you show the values of respecting a woman’s abilities, by sexualizing underage teenagers and make them all lesbians!)
"That's a great idea," Carlie realized. "When I was working as Spider-Girl, I was actively helping out the community. I would love a chance to do that again."
(If you loved doing it so much, then why did you quit and join a team that enjoy keeping a low profile? Idiot.)
"Let's do it, Carlie!" Jean exclaimed. "Let's form a club against crime! We it the Bayville Sirens!"
(Oh god damn it.)
"What are all of you talking about?" Asked newcomer to the group.
"Oh, hi Selene," Carlie said, recognizing the girl she had met last night.
Selene was an older student at the Xavier Institute. She looked rather Victorian, with long black hair and pale skin, and she wore a bright pink tank top with a glittery purple in the middle under an unbuttoned, loose, purple silk blouse dotted with tiny pink flowers, a pair of light blue jeans that were stylish and faded, and a pair of lilac Uggs. She was tall and slim and very pretty.
(Selene? The psychic vampire? The immortal mutant who may or may not be tied to the history of Rome? The one responsible for Magma’s power emerging? The one who’s like a Harry Potter Villain reject merged with a BDSM dominatrix? She’d go perfect with your lesbian crime fighting club for teenagers who like to dress in leather despite being no older than 17!)
"Selene! We're forming a club! Would you like to join?" Asked Kitty excitedly.
"What kind of club?" Selene asked with a smile.
"It's like a community service club," Carlie explained. "We're going to go out and fight crime." She knew that Selene was kind-hearted and always concerned about the environment and the problems of the local community.
(Ok, you got Selene WAY off.)
"I'll think about it," Selene promised good-naturedly. "But right now I have to go help out at the Bayville Soup Kitchen."
"Okay," said Carlie. She turned to her friends. "What should we call our club?"
"The Sirens!" Kitty suggested.
"Too girly," Pietro objected. "Let's be the Watchmen! I can be Rohrshach (Rorschach)!"
(The Watchmen! I agree with Pietro, Watchmen is a great idea for a name. The Watchmen!)
"That's sexist," said Jean.
(How? How is the name The Watchmen sexist? Is it, because he wants to Rorschach, who is indeed very sexist, or because the Watchmen only had one female member, or because there was one guy who was so bad, that attempting to rape someone was one of his few REDEEMING qualities somehow? Ok, so it is arguably a little sexist, but only if you over analyse some things.)
The solution appeared in Carlie's mind. "How about we be the Crimebusters?"
(That idea’s a pile of shit. Go sit in the corner until you can think of a better name. Seriously, Crimebusters? That’s like a club of drug lords calling themselves the Methdealers, or a flock of birds calling themselves the Wingflappers.)
"That's a great idea!" Scott exclaimed. "What a perfect name!"
(What? Are you high? Scott, you of all people aren’t allowed to get high. The only time you’re allowed to get high is in a Red Witch story, one that was indeed pretty funny, but had a pretty unfunny sequel so I won’t talk about that much.)
"Do you think Northstar will want to join our club?" Lance wondered.
(You...Heard the part about him being a criminal, right? He wouldn’t want to join any more than your canon counterpart would.)
"I don't know." Pietro frowned. "He hasn't showed up yet, has he?" He asked.
"Also, he said that he was a criminal," Carlie said, the gears of sharp mind whirling. "He might oppose a group such as ours."
(Huh, so there is some logic behind this insanity then.)
"I've been wondering about that," Jean admitted. "I asked the professor about Northstar, and it was strange, because he didn't even seem to be aware that Northstar attended this school. Actually, he didn't even know who I was talking about."
(Well, why did you only just think to bring it up? Why not greet Carlie with ‘Hey, annoying newby, that other newby isn’t really a newby, the professor has no idea who he is’? Didn’t it occur to you to tell them?)
Carlie snapped her fingers. "That's it! I bet he gave us a fake name! No wonder I couldn't recognize him!"
Pietro scowled. "That punk! I can't believe that he would try to deceive us like that! Who does he think he is?"
(Well, considering the fact you only just realized that, I guess he’s exactly who he thinks he is, which would be someone a lot smarter than you.)
"Well, obviously he's not Northstar," Kitty said. The other Crimebusters nodded in agreement.
"Why did he lie, though?" Scott questioned. "Seriously, to lie to a bunch of people he was planning on living with for the next few months . . . he's either insane or perhaps an idiot."
(Because he thought it’d be a lark? Why are you people just questioning this stuff and not going out looking for him.)
"He could be morally insane," Pietro proposed. "I've heard that happens to people."
(Yeah, morally insane, just like Pietro’s canon self.)
"Is he really even a mutant?" Kitty queried. "'Cause the only thing I've ever seen him do is blow up a tree. I bet Captain America could blow up a tree if he tried hard enough."
(Well, of course he could. He’s Captain fucking America. If he was real the war overseas would’ve ended in a day and we would have been able to solve the energy crisis by just finding a way to convert his raw masculinity into a usable energy source. And, Infertility wouldn’t be a problem because he’s so manly he could make any woman instantly pregnant (Hell, he could probably make anyone pregnant). And, if he was real, we wouldn’t bother with Chuck Norris facts, we’d have Steve Rogers facts. If you can’t tell, I’m a big fan of Captain America, and I’m not even an American citizen!)
"But why would a person who isn't a mutant attend a school specifically designed for mutants?" Scott questioned.
(For a lark?)
A frown descended upon Carlie angelic face, but she still looked really lovely. She rose from the ground gracefully, dusting herself off. "I don't know what Northstar's deal is, but I hate to be kept waiting. I'm going to find out what he thinks he's doing."
"We'll come with you to protect you, Carlie," Jean said. "We still don't know if Northstar is a Satanist or if he's crazy or if he's a human."
(Yes, because the girl you’ve made such a big deal about being better than all of you is bound to need
| TheFicCritic of blogspot chapter 7 . 1/17/2012
Knowing this is a trollfic makes it easily enjoyable. Punisher MAX's messed up jive just keeps a smile on my face, and the randomness really adds to the My Immortal theme. I was confused about the whole this being continued thing, but, knowing its true nature, it just makes it funny.
If you want I might have another of my MST reviews for these two chapters, just to add to the humour and, since its always funny to mock fanfiction that's bad, intended or otherwise, it gives me a safe and legal way to express my inner crazy.
| Mizuki99 chapter 2 . 1/16/2012
Character Progression Throughout the Story: None
Canon Characterization: Failed
Grammer: Could use some imrpovement
Description: Uh... the non-existant descriptions that is... there were a few but they didn't go into mass detail.
Plotine: Unorginal and Bland
Character Flaws that give her personality: None.
Summing it up here...
Your character is bland, boring and unorginal. That, right there, is what is called a Mary Sue. The fact alone that you put Jean out of character insults me as a writer and the fact that you have absolutely no respect for Marvel's hard work insults me even more because I am a avid Marvel Collector (I think my Comic-Otaku just showed a bit there). It hurts me to see the way inexperienced writers make up this character with other shows involved in something that it wasn't even featured it!
I'm sorry but as it stands your story could use a lot of improvement. Do some research on the charactarization of the canon characters before you write. And do you even know what Satanism is? You obviously think that all goths are Satanic if you think that Rogue is one of the occult. Please do your research. Guessing at your age by your writing, your what? 10? 13 at the oldest? If that's the case then why are you even on fanfic? It's not a place for little kids.
| D'Fuentes chapter 6 . 1/10/2012
Ohhhhhh-kay! The Mary-Sue Goddess, no Queen of the Mary-Sue's. I skipped from Chapter 2. Ha ha ha ha. I hear ya, she's as annoying as hell itself. probably worse.
| D'Fuentes chapter 1 . 1/10/2012
2012 I've set my sights on reading and reviewing X-Men Evolution.
You seem to be good at writing, and have a fairly good knowledge of the characters, plus; as far as I can see, yours is void of the 'usual' pairings so I'm reading yours. (_)
The matter of Carlie - I will only make my judgement of the character when I'm done reading. I'm a diehard Spiderman fan though I never ventured into writing about it because I feel as though I will only insult the creators if I do. That's how much of a fan I am. Same with X-Men, but I do have some stuff on them, thanks to my practice in TMNT.
As for the little piece in your Chapter - ""Yes." Jean nodded and walked over to Carlie's twin bed, settling beside her and leaning forward conspiratorially. "I really like Scott, but I think that you and him would be a much better couple. Plus, I don't want that little, goth, Satanist Rogue to sink her claws into him. So how about if I play matchmaker and set you two up?"" Is she really that mean in the Evolution generation? I never got that...
Anyway, I'm moving forward with reading, thanks for writing!
| Muse of Storytelling chapter 6 . 1/2/2012
Oh..I feel like an idiot now. But an enlightened idiot, this is the most amazing mary-sue exposa ever. It's really well written, and fun to read.
| TheFicCritic of blogspot chapter 6 . 1/2/2012
Hey, since last time I wasn't signed in and didn't really comment on anything in the chapter, and its impossible to make fun of something that's actually good, so I'll just give a regular, normal review.
So, I love how it actually starts off as normal then reveals its true colours in this one chapter, and how the characters, upon returning to who they are, were either confused, angry, or just wondering what was going on.
By the end, everyone's characterization was perfect, which is great.
I do find the back and fourth with Scott and the twins over if she's a Mary Sue, and how he's only convinced by the origin of her name (Which itself is creepy, when you realize Joey Que had turned Peter into a self insert for himself, which means he's trying to force his step in to date someone named after his kid. Man, Quesada is a fucked up fanboy), it showed that Scott's seriousness can be played for laughs, which many seem to forget.
The thing about how unneeded OCs and Mary Sues are is completely true, in fact I've often wondered it myself, especially regarding franchises like X-Men or Transformers. The sections for Evolution and Transformers are filled with OCs, but people could always just 'introduce' a character from another universe (But then again, one of my least favourite stories was Emma Frost joining the cast, who proceeds to fill out every Mary Sue check list, being bitchy (though that was intended) yet always in the right, makes others morph around to her whim (All the girls went from hating her to loving her, and they all even formed their own Syrins specifically because they all hate Jean, and everyone instantly agrees with her when she points out a 'flaw' in Xavier's logic that isn't even there), Characters are bashed for the sake of it, intelligent and level headed characters become idiots, and there was SO. MUCH. FAN. SERVICE. IT. ACTUALLY. HURT. So, I guess with that, it isn't much better). But, its even stupider in the Transformers section since there's so many toy-only characters you could just buy one then write about them. Hell, Last Stand of the Wreckers was this idea being used for a cannon comic, and its apparently really good.
Again, completely agree with the points against One More Day, its like the only people who even like it are Joe himself, his Munchkins, and Stan Lee. But, from what I've heard, Stan just agrees with the idea behind it, and his argument for why its good sounds more like a form of loyalty to Marvel then a general belief, especially since he then ignored it/made fun of it in his newspaper comic. But, one thing that bugged me was Stan tried to justify it saying that people had the same reaction to when he got married. Except, what he failed to realize was that it isn't the same fans who complained about it, it was the fans from twenty years ago who probably don't keep up with the comics as much, and incuded such people as Joe Quesada himself. One More Day is not a reasonable story, its a fanboys revenge against a story that I personally thought was a pretty fun tale, one that Stan Lee himself was partially behind.
And thing I noticed when reading your description of the story: If Joe Quesada wanted Spidey to swinging and single, why then pair him off with a new girl? If they wanted a single Spider-Man, then why introduce a new love interest? If they only sold their marriage, why not just leave them together, not married but happily together? If not, then why not do as he wanted and make him just, you know, SINGLE!
And, going back to the list of points, I have to ask which situation were you talking about with the best friend thing? Was that Lily Holster being used by Norman Osborn, because she wasn't completely a victim (but it was still a WTH moment for Carlie since the girl was still pregnant and in serious danger, badguy or not, she still deserved to be helped there, just as anyone), or was it one of the many times Peter had 'wronged' her?
The final scene with Kitty, Rogue, and Jean was probably the most heartwarming thing I've read in a fanfiction for a long time, sinply because how mean Jean had been made towards Rogue that her now trying to help her was just plain gutwrenchingly great. Although, while I can see what you mean about Lohan, I still think she's not really to blame since it is actually true what they say about addiction: Its a life long battle and a legitimate disease. Like I said, her parents were really horrible, it fucked her up, and drugs and parties were her way of dealing with it that then got out of hand. Yes, its stupid, but that's just the way the world works. And yeah, the writing of Freaky Firday was pretty bad, but I can't really judge it since I haven't seen it for years, and even then I only saw part of it.
Mean Girls I've also never seen, so I can't argue for/against it.
Although, I'm not sure about the Pixie joke though. It was funny, but I can't tell if you were saying Pixie's a Mary Sue (which I don't really think so, I always thought she was pretty funny and easy to feel sorry for about the time she lost her soul, just a little overused when the writers realized she was likable), or if you were saying she was being introduced as one to make fun of stories that do that (I haven't actually read her being introduced into Evolution so I can't really say anything about that, unless it was a dig at characters from comics introduced as Mary Sues, in which case I would like to point back to the aformentioned Emma Frost story).
Also, the problem about Northstar, I completely agree with. Why is it that someone who was known well for being a jerkass straight gay can't be written without idiots like Austin and Fraction only reading 'gay' and instantly deciding that's all he is? But, I basically hated everything about Chuck Austin, and Fraction I've always had mixed feelings about. I was once actually incredibly insulted because an X-Man Fan-Dumbass compared me to Fraction because I admitted I would like to see a Cyclops solo series once in the future because he has a lot of potential for single stories (Apparantly the fact I hate the way he's currently handled meant nothing to some people). The same happened with Olly Queen/Green Arrow. Apparantly, being a rich playboy who had an 'affair' (by which I mean he was raped by a woman) means he's a rabid womanizer and that's it, or with Henry Pym, who once had a mental breakdown and hit his wife means his a misaogynostic woman hater who's super violent and sadistic. HE'S A FUCKING PACAFIST PEOPLE! He had a mental breakdown, it happens when the universe completely and utterly hates you (and we have to admit, the universe does seem to hate Pym, so much so he's not even going to be in the Avengers film, despite being a founding member). I don't see why people always look for one characteristic and flanderize it when writing. Is it really that hard to look at the character as a whole?
So, that's basically everything, but with one small comment about the first A/N point: I know, its horrible that she's still a reocurring character, but not only that she's still a Mary Sue. Oh, detective, look, I have common sense. Shut up you, your off the case so that you can be seen as sympathetic because you were punished for being better than me. Sad face :(, complete with another redesign of her look. Its hard to believe that some of these guys, especially Slott, aren't actually bad writers, as seen by some of the other stories they've done. Hell, Slott is REALLY great at writing fun stories like Squirrel Girl and She-Hulk, so it amazes me that he can make fun of other problems in Marvel (like the rampant Villain Sueness that Doom is given by so many who can't accept he could be beaten by anyone other than/including that acursed Richards, or how stupid Speedball is acting since he became an annoying emo kid stereotype) and not see one of the biggest wallbangers in Marvel. I like to think that Quesada is pressuring him to write her like this, but that's just wishful thinking. I just hope he does realize and instead starts taking swigs at her, and writes Spidey as a much funnier series.
But, I don't think I've seen any trolling Carlie Cooper fans besides what I originally believed about this. But, I know if I do find any to make sure to give them hell.
Anyway, I'll see you another time, I am the Fic Critic, because I have to end every review or comment like this in order to stop others ripping it off.
| Haretrigger chapter 6 . 1/2/2012
And to think I was going to write a harsh critque for this story. And I'm glad I didn't. You actually got me, man! You actually got me! I should have known there was a method to your madness. Artemis's Leige, I salute you!
| paycheckgurl chapter 6 . 1/2/2012
You have got to be the best troll in the world...good job. I won't right now, but after I get over the shock of this chapter I might just favorite this...wow. Again, good job.
| The Fic Critic chapter 6 . 1/1/2012
Firstly, FUCK YES! GET IN THERE! WOOOOOOO!
Secondly, sorry if I was even a little too harsh when directing things at you. I should have known it was a joke, but the responses and the now gone poll convinced me its true. Bare in mind, I believe My Immortal was a trollfic, so I should've known this was a joke, but I didn't.
Thank you for enjoying my reviews, and thank you for motivating me to begin my Fic Critic persona.
As for the game, I would recomend getting it. Its like the Ultimate Spider-Man game meet Prototype (the fact all three were made by Activision is notable). Its got a great story, a 'choice' system that worked (Suck it XMDestiny and SRTT!) and a genreally fun gameplay (has its faults, but was, at the time, thebest Spidey game out), and top notch characterization (especially the NPCs like Electro, Luke Cage, and MJ. No more useless damsel roles for her, she deals with threats using a shotgun and a take no prisoners attitude).
I agree completely on your views here, Its why I'm hitting myself for not seeing the truth originally. I especially agree with the writer bias thing, since it encourages fandumbism. Everytime a character is treated like that by a writer it changes how others view them, and can really nuke their popularity. Hell, look at X3 or WATXM and see how badly the pro-Logan and anti-Scott vibe is. At least X1's Scott was awesome and the new anime is made of win.
As for reviewing comics, I would, but Linkara of 'AtopTheFourthWall' does that, and I wouldn't want to step onto his toes. I may look into it, but I've been put off of current comics since Cyclops was derailed into a psychic affair in order to nix Jean (really? Did they have to do it in such a way? I actually like the two, but they, just, uhg), so to do that, I'd have to illegally downloa-buy some shitty comics first. Questionable content aside, at least bad stories are free.
And, I'll R/R your other fics ASAP.
I am the Fic Critic, and you're now my favourite writer.
| silverstarsofquebec chapter 6 . 1/1/2012
Whoa. Did not see that coming.
Now I must commend you, Artemis's Liege! That was an impressive display of practically every Mary-Sue trait in existence! I have to admit, I actually believed that you had no clue that you were writing a Mary-Sue (despite the fact that the other pieces of yours that I've read have all been fantastic) (and I had half a mind that your account had gotten hacked, and someone was just posting a troll fic), and you were going in a way JUST like 'My Immortal' (God, thinking about that story makes me want to jump off a cliff). I will say that I don't know much about Spiderman (apart from the little I learned from the movies) and Joe Quesada sounds rather...well, idiotic, for lack of a better word that I am too lazy to think of.
I almost feel bad for my previous review of this story, but, eh, she really was just a crazy Mary-Sue. Props to you, author. And just so you know I'm not hung up on Carlie...you have an amazing skill with description, your writing itself (not this exact plot) is great. Great job! :)
| Shain-The Otaku-of Ireland chapter 6 . 1/1/2012
Read the author's notes in the sixth chapter...
This was so cleverly written. You yourself got into character as a Mary Sue writer (were you channeling Quesada for this role, lol), defending a shit character to the end as though she was a mere OC. The brilliance of it all is mind blowing. I mean you write a story about a canon character of Marvel comics, while passing her off as an OC, as though she was your original character. Then you write her so ridiculously self-praising and perfect that people will have to leave you numerous notes and messages raving about how she is a Mary Sue and just God awful...and THEN you reveal that you knew all along that you were writing about a real character from Marvel and that a Mary Sue portrayal of her is IN CANON to how she is written in the comics. To me you were saying "See how annoying this character is? Don't you just hate how I write her? Well guess what Marvel fans, there's a Carlie in the real Spiderman universe...and she's a Mary Sue...and she canon."
I tipped my hat to you.
| keeponrockin'inthefreeworld chapter 6 . 1/1/2012
You have no idea how relieved I am to know the whole thing was not serious *wipes sweat from brow*
| Night Fiction chapter 6 . 1/1/2012
You... MAGNIFENT BASTARD! I praise you, XDXD! You got me XD