|Reviews for King Edmund's Crusade|
| Rayven49 chapter 45 . 12/28/2012
OK, now I've finished. Absolutely, heartrendingly, beautiful. I loved the reveal about Michael and was amazed by how much he was holding back before the battle with the dragon.
I suspected Hedera when Oreius was downed, but it still makes me sad that she felt she couldn't trust Aslan's judgement when it came to who ruled Narnia in his name.
Killing of Rapine seemed unnecessary to me, though I'm sure a lot of thought was put into that decision. I don't know, I just felt like you showed the horrors of was by killing Hylonome. This doesn't leave Edmund with anyone to govern the Islands or support the next Governor. At the same time, though, I can't see Rapine really wanting to serve anyone but Elizabeth after all of this, and with her gone, he'd be a bit lost. So I guess it makes sense, but it still made me almost cry.
The day was saved, but at what a cost!
This story really was wonderful. I look forward to the sequel.
| Rayven49 chapter 23 . 12/27/2012
I don't think I've reviewed this story yet...it's brilliant, in case you were wondering. Usually, I don't go for things with Christian themes, but you work it in so subtly that I don't feel like I'm being smacked across the face with the religion. It's simply a part of Elizabeth's strong, conflicted character and makes her more developed because of it. I also like the mystery of Michael.
The thought and detail you've put into this crusade is wonderful. I'm really enjoying it!
I had a couple of questions about pronunciation:
1) Hylonome: High-loh-noh-mee or High-low-gnome?
2) Hedera: Heh-DARE-uh or HEH-dare-uh?
| The Hobbit's Rhapsody chapter 45 . 9/25/2012
This is truly magnificent—a stirring adventure, a heart-wrenching allegory, poignant and often humorous in the details and thrilling in the whole. I love the vibrant mix of philosophy and action, the riveting unpredictability of every twist, your ability to comprise a cast mainly of OCs with whom I connected as strongly as I do with Lewis' beloved characters. Edmund's step into the shoes of Christ in chapter 31 is chillingly effective. Hylonome's character arc was beautiful. I loved Michael's character, and was excited to see my suspicions of his identity realized in the end.
Your style and command of English is wonderful, far above most writings on this site. Thank you for posting this marvelous work, and if you do post The Redemption of Sulva (which I've heard exalted in the author's notes of other fics but cannot find anywhere!) I will be among the first in line to read it.
| Samacoy chapter 45 . 5/21/2012
This was an absolutely amazing story and I am astounded that you received so little reviews! It is definitely one of the most in-depth stories I've come across and was so well-written!
| OldFashionedGirl95 chapter 45 . 3/14/2012
In my first draft of this review I accumulated quoted lines from chapters 38-45 and my comments on them, and I went on (and on and on) until I ran out of room. Here's some of it, and more shall be following in a PM.
'There were, truth be told, very few unhappy Marshwiggles. They found a contentment in their simple lives – a few helpings of eel-pie, a pipe or two of muddy tobacco and the chance to do the will of Aslan and they were happy.'
For all their famed pessimism, I guess we could learn a lot about contentment and faith from the Marshwiggles.
'"Breakfast will be served an hour after dawn – no-one eats until we have a strategy." There was a ripple of laughter around the table as Elizabeth stepped forward and looked at what was on it, Rapine placing his paws on the top and peering like a dog seeking scraps.'
This image made me smile.
"You are not a child, Elizabeth – the world will not tell you children's stories any longer."
'... the fungal canker of a rash of scarlet and black tents, a thousand banners thrust into the flesh of Narnia like arrows ... the clearing was extended into the surrounding forests by cruel axes, the bodies of the trees felled and dragged away for forced treason.'
The first of these phrases is simply terribly descriptive imagery; the second drove home to me what standard offensive siege tactics mean in a land like Narnia, where the very stones cry out. The beasts.
'...Dwarfish metal and stone plates carved with runes, wolfen sheets of bark carved with claw-cut pictograms, fragile dried-mud tablets with grim Marshwiggle predictions...'
It's the detail which I love here. Narnians might speak English from the Garden in the West to the Mountains in the East, but the runes and pictograms give it a depth and a texture, and I love it.
"If one more person tells the Queen of Narnia what she cannot do she will kick their disrespectful carcase from here to Harfang!"
I'm really liking the new Susan, in a way. I hope she's able eventually to go back to making a home for her family, but I feel this all is good for her.
'They knew he had had no help to send and so he had sent himself. They knew that King Peter, High King over all Kings of Narnia and Rock of the Lion, was more than enough.'
Wow. Peter is just ... wow.
'...tarnishing the sand to the crushed iridescence of a mermaid's discarded jewelery.'
"Yes, of course – last time he delivered us he delivered us four humans; am I the only one seeing a pattern here?"
This made me laugh!
'Up on the poop deck ... Michael stood immobile and impassive.'
Michael is still befuddling me.
'Like pearls coming off a necklace, the Moorland elite dipped their wings and banked out of the air, stalling and sliding through space sideways.'
Lovely simile, as always.
'"Come on," he whispered, as the Giant stomped towards him and the great horrific mass charged, "make me a legend!"'
I do love your Peter. He's almost like the Warlord himself. Magnificent.
The conversation between Susan and Colonel Ferrox struck me as somehow very WWII.
'"You think as is necessary – but when you feel you do it like a wolf," he growled. "You are the Alpha of the Lantern Waste and the Lord of the Western Wild – you are the only non-wolf to have held those titles by honest acclamation."'
I'm fascinated by this vision of Wolf-Edmund; I don't think it's one I've met before.
"Nearly," hissed Susan through gritted teeth and drawing another arrow back, "only counts with horseshoes."
Another great line!
I was a little bothered, earlier, by Rapine's un-Wolfish mannerisms, and by the almost Human-pet interactions between Elizabeth and him, but your explanation (Rapine's, I suppose) of it all made perfect sense and I like it.
When Hedera revealed her true roots, I had to stop and go back several times before I understood that Lucy and Peter were also facing sudden treachery at the same time. My aunt.
The death of Rapine has infuriated me fully as much as the death of Hylonome. And I'm sure Michael would say that was only because I felt a connection to them through Elizabeth. I don't care. I wish they hadn't died.
'For now that the Gate was fallen, he was the Gate of the Cair whom those who desired entry - for good or ill - would have to pass.'
St. Peter, the Gatekeeper, who holds the keys? You've shown over and over that you know exactly what you're doing, and I'm certain this is intentional.
'He was not afraid – he did not really know the meaning of the word fear except as an intellectual exercise; to desire a continuation of the then rather than accept the now – but there was perhaps a moment of uncertainty.'
I still haven't a clue what sort of fiend Michael might be, except my earlier supposition of St. Michael in Narnia, but I see a reference here to Perelandra! The fruit which one had envisioned rather than the fruit which one is given? A holding back from the wave?
'Was there really any difference between him and Man?'
Is "him" Michael or the Dragon? If it's Michael, than he's not human, and an angel is finally in Narnia. *reads a bit further* Okay, I see stuff about a Dragon and a Woman-Revelation 21? And ... boy and his dog? And a carpenter. Or maybe it's a Carpenter. I don't know.
"Mr Tumnus would be very disappointed in you!"
Your characterization of Lucy, as of every character, is spot-on and somehow original, and this line captured your Lucy for me.
And-wow, Michael *is* The Michael. The Spirit Prince of Israel has come to the aid of Narnia, and eldilic forces have entered the battle. Wow.
I'm going to pause for a moment and squeal here. Because I see an Archangel, the Field of Arbol, and a line of Latin, all in, like, three paragraphs. *squeeeeee*
And at last, Hedera is DEAD. And there is much rejoicing, except there isn't, because too many good soldiers are also dead. But-victory it is. And of course, it's now ... time to go home.
The partings were simply perfect, and I have nothing to say about them, except that the detail of Lucy trying not to suck her thumb was also perfect, and the whole thing had a very "Urendi Maleldil" feeling about it.
I'm afraid I'm not familiar with the legends of Michael and Michael's brother-I'm woefully ignorant, in fact, of much of the traditional history of the War in Heaven-but I shall have to research it now, and go back and scour your story for further clues.
'It's all very well in Narnia, she said to herself, as she span on her heel and moved with resolve towards the great black door of the Church, but it's better here.'
And on this beautifully appropriate note, we end. Thank you, and I eagerly look forward to The Redemption of Sulva
| kusanosakura chapter 45 . 3/13/2012
Last time I read this story it was only to the chapter with the death of the centaride. Like Elizabeth I wept. I was suspicious that Micheal the Warlord was way more then he seemed. I was pleased at the ending though sad the tale was done. Well written and I give you props for coming up with Susan in the claws of a Griffin shooting arrows. Wasn't not too surprised Hedera was the traitor, she didn't add up. You spin a wondrous tale.
| OldFashionedGirl95 chapter 32 . 3/10/2012
Nooo! That isn't the end! That can't be the end! Please say that's not the end!
Chapter 31 moved me as much as any telling of the Passion ever has. Well done.
And Michael is just so Archangel Michael.
But is Elizabeth dead?
| OldFashionedGirl95 chapter 20 . 3/7/2012
Wow. I've found myself wondering who Michael was before now, but this chapter and the last have only intensified that puzzlement. Wow. Who *is* this guy?
| OldFashionedGirl95 chapter 18 . 3/7/2012
I'm really enjoying this story in so many ways. This chapter, especially, reminded me strongly of That Hideous Strength-the contemplation of the Feminine and the Masculine, the indirect quotes from THS itself, the rumination on the Church.
This whole tale is marvelous and unique in so many ways-Hylonome; the slightly darker vision of Edmund; a cynical, middle-aged, non-romantically-involved protagonist. It fascinates me.
| SavedByGrace82514 chapter 15 . 3/3/2012
Again, I must say that this is an amazing story. It simple captivates in a way that is like no other...you have captured the very essence of what Narnia stands for us travelers through it.
Can't wait for more Chapters!
| WriterWilf chapter 14 . 3/2/2012
*Glares at his busy schedule.* Sorry I couldn't leave a review for so long. Scheduling is wicked around here. One moment I'm teaching kids how to do simple mathematic problems (which I don't know why, I'm terrible at math except for basic arithmetic) next moment I'm reading a book for English class, and the next I'm helping my family with cleaning the house. Yikes.
Anyway, I really did like chapter 13. I think out of the whole story, that was in my list of top four favorite chapters. The emotion expressed in this chapter feels very real. Same with the previous one too.
That line is very true, about life not being fair and why. I take it to heart very dearly.
Please keep the updates coming. And I'll be sure to review as much as possible.
P.S. Before I forget. Is it ok I borrow a few elements from this universe and put it in my own? Mostly just the Silver Citadel. I always thought that was pretty cool. And the idea of Swanwhite speaking the prophecy before she died. That would be very cool too.
| OldFashionedGirl95 chapter 10 . 2/22/2012
Oh, I'm glad there's more of this. I was afraid it had been abandoned.
Your meta-aware characters never fail to make me laugh. I'm going to have to try talking that way just for kicks.
I like the way you're approaching the war against the Fell-it took a long time and is glossed over in about a sentence and a half in LWW-and I'm looking forward to further interaction between and growth in both Elizabeth and Edmund (but no romance, for which I'm thankful).
Are you the author of "The Redemption of Sulva"? I've looked everywhere for it and can't find it. Are you intending to repost it?
| SavedByGrace82514 chapter 3 . 1/1/2012
I have to say that this is the best Chronicles fanfiction written to date! I know this is being reposted and I read it before when it was on here before. And I can honestly tell you that this is one of the best I have read. Lewis would be proud.
| kusanosakura chapter 1 . 12/10/2011
Oh my! You're back! I read this story years ago. I've been so depressed I didn't know how it ended. Please update often! I adored your Edmund, Lucy and Peter they influenced my work-in-progress Narnia screenplay so much.
formerly known as valiant lucy.
| WriterWilf chapter 3 . 11/28/2011
Wish I could debate as effectively as Michael does. Whenever I get into debates I always something wrong or somebody manages to twist my words around. Then again, I never have had any proper training in debating.
Anyway, very good. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Do want to give some constructive criticism though:
' She blinked a couple of times. "You're telling me I'm a character in a story? I find that very hard to believe." '
The sentence that follows that ought to be joined with the next paragraph, where you move in to Michael's dialogue. There were a couple more instances like this. It didn't bother me that much, but it did seem to throw things off for me at first. It's like a puzzle piece that's been put in the wrong way.
Other than that though, it was really good. Can not wait for the next chapter.