|Reviews for Project Eve|
| killroy225 chapter 2 . 5/16/2012
nice so far hope u will continue this soon
| Just a Crazy-Man chapter 2 . 1/7/2012
| Robert Harrison chapter 2 . 11/4/2011
Ok so... I'm extremely confused. You did something that most new authors tend to do with crossovers. You seem to have assumed that the only people that will be reading the story are those that have a good understanding of all the sides involved. But that's not true.
Take me for example, I could, if I really tried, name off nearly every ship in EVE right down to the Luxury Yacht that was given out as a wedding gift a few years ago.
But I have never even heard of the game your are attempting to cross with.
First thing you should have decided was who was going where (Check - EVE to project somthing or other), Second you should have decided who is going to have the upper hand (Not clear yet - the nyx hasn't entered the field from what I can tell), and third be sure to explain the differneces between the sides of the crossover early on so people like me aren't left wondering what in blue blazes your talking about.
I also noticed that you let discription get in the way of your writing. While it's nice that you're trying to discribe the confusion that the non-eve pilots are feeling, you are actually adding to the confusion of the eve-only readers.
Don't even get me started on the fact that you start throwing out characters like their candy at a halloween parade. Pushing them on the reader without any real comprehension of who they are. You know sort of a 'this is non-discript guy A, this is non-discript person 1, etc.'
Tell us who they are... introduce us. Let us get to know them. Just throwing names at us like you picked them out of the hat is confusing and frustrating and I, as a reader, resort to find it repellent. I have left more stories behind than I care to admit simply because the author thoughs a litany of characters at me.
Finally, dialogue is to be broken up into paragraphs (with exceptions). Look it up. I would offer a link but last I checked, which was a few years ago, this site was anti-linking.
If all you took from my review was this last simple change you would help with a lot of the problems that your story has by making it easier to read and follow.
I hope that you really aren't just going to leave the story were it is. So far I've found the idea of the story rather interesting, even if hard to follow.
Now that my review is nearly as long as your first chapter, not really though I did check, I bid you good night. If you have any questions you can pm me here and I will do my best to answer them.
| Mr. T chapter 2 . 10/10/2011
Cant wait for the next chapter
| AXL999 chapter 2 . 10/9/2011
can't wait for the next chapter