|Reviews for Scream|
| Simply Isnt On chapter 1 . 4/29
that was scary... I like the hurt/comfort but yes very scary
| Weaselle7 chapter 1 . 4/5
OMG THE ANGGSSTTTT *insert pterodactyl wailing noise here*
Sherlock being tortured in front of John, the screams he made after it, and his refusal to speak because he was still afraid of losing John; look what have you done to my heart! :"(( Just kidding, I read the warning and proceeded anyway because I love your Johnlock angsty yet beautiful fics. I have to admit that your Johnlock angst fics are one of the few fics that captured both of their personalities and the essence of their bond.
| Guest chapter 1 . 3/9
Oh my gosh. That was amazing. Your writing is astounding, and it was gut-wrenching. Thank you so much for writing this.
| AppleSpongeCake chapter 1 . 2/11
Wow. Just, wow.
| faith.sands.7 chapter 1 . 8/26/2014
I gess it was good
| nina6612 chapter 1 . 7/28/2014
This Is soo good!
| The Jumble Book chapter 1 . 7/17/2014
As usual a very good read! If not incredibly angsty, but that's the best kind of read.
| Alexa Janson chapter 1 . 7/16/2014
Omfg the feels. I can't even. Such a great piece! I've read it twice now!
| larasgee chapter 1 . 7/15/2014
aw god yes more. i know this have sequel. gonna read that
| Athina Dark-Angel of Death chapter 1 . 6/27/2014
good. I liked this
| theorclair chapter 1 . 5/1/2014
Will this ever be on your AO3 account?
| Meega-Nala-Kweesta chapter 1 . 3/30/2014
OH MY GOD MY FEELS ARE BROKEN! My poor baby Sherlock! My poor Jawn! This broke me and I loved every minute of it! It was so beautifully written 3
| tresta chapter 1 . 3/28/2014
It is true that everyone will break under torture, though every person has a different tolerance, and some people (like soldiers) are trained in techniques to resist torture.
You comment in your notes that the story might be unrealistic, by which I assume you mean Sherlock's successful resistance against brutal torture long enough for the cavalry to arrive
What do you think of this paragraph? If added right after Moriarty says ("Then I suppose I have to let John live. Doesn't mean I have to let him go, though.") it might give a fuller sense of Sherlock's frame of mind. I beleive these were your thoughts in writing Sherlock in this story, but his motives for taking the torture (even after John tells him it's okay to let go; John is okay with it) don't make it onto the page.
I would suggest an edit After the paragraph I refer to above. This is what I came up with.
(It will do, Sherlock thinks. For as long as John survives, even as Moriarty’s captive Mycroft has the chance to bring John home. Sherlock doubts he will survive this game, but he will do everything in his power to ensure that John will. Sherlock won't make a sound, no matter what. Let Moriarty do as he will.)
This also mentions the idea that Mycroft WILL be coming. Sherlock thinks about Lestrade, so apparently at least one person is aware that something has happened to the boys. And Mycroft has them watched, so he will cotton on very quickly and start tearing apart London.
You also are not specific about the timeframe, and this HELPS your story work. You mention five (I think) individuals who torture Sherlock in six encounters: the first man,the Chinese woman,the man with the whips, the Chinese woman again, the circus knife thrower, and the rapist.
Then Moriarty himself continues the attack. If the police and Mycroft's people are closing in at that point, perhaps it has been only 24 hours, or even less since the boys were taken. Again you don't share how long Sherlock is allowed to rest between sessions of torture (deliberately, I assume and nice touch, since along with solving a problem it puts us in the POV of Sherlock, who can't know when the torture will start again. It's mental, and physical.
Sherlock, more than likely, has trained himself in resisting torture. Combine this knowledge and practice with Sherlock's will and his determination to protect John, and he might be able to resist the torture long enough for Mycroft to find them.
Doesn't mean he could survive his physical injuries (and indeed he may not expect to) but he would be determined to keep Moriarty's attention on himself, not John, as long as he could. If Sherlock dies before help comes, Moriarty will turn on John, (and he will torture John, not give the clean death he threatened) but Sherlock is betting on Mycroft getting there at least before that happens.
So really, your story DOES work.
The immediacy is gripping. I like how you drop the reader directly into the action between Sherlock and Moriarty. We learn in a paragraph or few that the boys were taken from the flat, but that's the only detail. It still WORKS. I read this as an AU ending for the Great Game, replacing the pool encounter, although it could also happen shortly after the pool. They do know Moriarty, or at least Sherlock does, so the face to face encounter had to happen.
I saw something else, which you did not expand on but was clear reading between the lines: Moriarty has found the perfect way to torture both John and Sherlock. Although he is harming Sherlock, whith the beating, the knives, the rape, and Sherlock is the obvious victim, John is also Moriarty's victim because there's nothing worse for him than being powerless and WATCHING those things happen to Sherlock. I doubt John is even as worried for his own safety as he is for Sherlock. Moriarty knows enough about human nature to realize that John cannot bear to stand by and see anyone hurt so the watching these people injure Sherlock, who is bound and helpless, is the purest torture for John. Moriarty manages to nail them both, and torture them both physically and emotionally.
For Sherlock the physical torture is obvious; for John the emotional; however, John is shackled with his ARMS OVER HIS HEAD. He has a very serious bullet wound in his left shoulder, which nearly killed him and is still pretty recently healed. John may even be healing, or going to PT for his shoulder. I also imagine John tearing his wrists to the bone trying to get out of his shackles; he might even dislocate his own bad shoulder trying this. Especially at the end, when Sherlock is raped and right after when Moriarty is beating Sherlock again and planning at that point to kill Sherlock with his own hands (he is so enraged he is breaking his own rules about not getting his hands dirty.) John starts screaming at Moriarty to Stop and you just know John is pulling himself apart to get to Sherlock in that moment, chains or no chains.
So John's torture is physical as well as the emotional torture that is more obvious, when one remembers John's physical condition.
Sherlock endures extremely brutal physical torture, and he does it for John. He insists on taking the torture himself, his only goal to keep John alive (Moriarty will focus on Sherlock as long as his "rules" are met) even when John tells him it's okay. Sherlock is terrifed that Moriarty will harm JOhn, and part of his stamina to endure extremely brutal torture comes from his FEELINGS for John. Sherlock was worried and terrifed when he saw that Moriarty had John too; he had hoped that is friend had escaped the trap that had caught Sherlock.
John can engage Sherlock's emotions, his heart, like no one else. I am not sure that Sherlock would endure what he did for anyone else, except possibly Mrs . Hudson.
I thought Mycroft, too, but Mycroft no doubt has his own training in enduring and resisting torture. Not to mention Anthea would be on the warpath. Speaking of, I quite like the idea that Anthea shot the guards outside John's cell (the noises he hears) and produces the key to unlock John's shackles rather than aiming the gun at his chains. Scary, for someone whos been through what John has. It also underscores Anthea's badassery. I suspect that Mycroft is there too and he sent her to see to John while Mycroft is in the cell with sherlock (or he could be at the hospital preparing the way for them).
I suspect that if he couldn't go hismelf, the personhe'd trust hte most to look after John and Sherlock in those conditions would be Anthea. And Lestrade; who may not be up to dealing with such things with Anthea's experience and aplomb, but he will be able to reassure the boys and keep them calm while she and a Tac team get them free. John especially is going to need some *familiar* faces. (Sherlock would too, but he's unconscious at this point.)
I propse that John will need at least some time in hospital, due to the injuries I suggested above.
Shock blankets would abound!
I have kept your orignal story (thank you so much for this unique and subtle work) but i loved it SO much that I actally spent some time writing edits for it. I cannot tell you how rare that is. I hope you are not offended; I mostly found places to expand on the events in the story as I have in this review.
I never spend time like this on a story unless it really really touches me in some way. So thank you.
| sidse chapter 1 . 2/26/2014
so sad but really beautiful i loved it 3 /3 :'( :)
| PiccolaViola chapter 1 . 2/16/2014
Oh. I like torture stories ( This doesn't sound really well:) and i love Sherlock, so this fanfiction is just..amazing.
I would like to ask you if I can translate it into Italian and post it on efp (most important Italian Site of fanfictions). Obiouvsly I will say that you are the writer and I 'll suggest to read the original one here. if you want I can traduce and send you the reviews of Italians readers. can I?
scuse me for grammar mistakes