|Reviews for The Betrayed Champion|
| Guest chapter 7 . 3/17
| Superior FANFICS chapter 35 . 2/19
It's son hard to think that it's over, but it was great
| Guest chapter 35 . 11/22/2021
Also, i agreed with the review of G, about that could be interesting to makes that the traitors can do more to redeem themselves with Ash, as i felt that the redemption arc was a little rushed, to the point that the manner in that the traitors redeemed with Ash was too simple, as they simply helped him to bring down the Team rocket and after all was cool between them, leaving this redemption a little bland since certain perspective.
In my opinion, like G suggested, perhaps in the remake, Ash will end facing some notables charges for all his crimes, and the traitors could redeems themselves to support and defends Ash in the court, to avoid that their friend end rotting in a cell for a long time, and after managed to convinces the court from not jails Ash, could makes that the hero can see the traitors in a new light, and Ash finally is ready to buries his past grudges and distrust toward them, and finally all they can reconciles themselves and be good friends again.
Even if you analyzes it, this could be poetic, as the betrayal occured as result that Ash was accused from a crime that he didn't commited and Ash tried to defended his innocence, but his friend doubted from him and turned their back to him, despite to that Ash was truly innocent from this crime. While that in the redemption arc, Ash will be in court, accused for crimes that he truly commited and perhaps Ash don't even tries to defends his actions and accepts his fate, but suddenly the traitors takes the decision to talks in his defense, support Ash in this court, and even get risk their reputation as trainers and coordinators for defends a criminal, as all they are aware that Ash is culprit from this crimes this time, yet this didn't discourages the traitors to defends his friend, as they want to have back Ash and don't matter if he is a criminal, adding that the traitors could considers this like a penance for betrayed Ash, making that the traitors be willing to support Ash, even if means shares the scorn and suffering for his crimes, making this a poetic way to the redemption.
| Guest chapter 35 . 11/19/2021
Perfect storytelling 10/10 this was a blast to read
| G chapter 1 . 10/12/2021
As other points to complements my previous suggestions, regarding the promised battle between Cynthia and Ash, perhaps you could reveals that as other rule within the pokemon league, a regional champion has the right to makes a request to the Pokemon Leauge Association for an official pokemon battle to defends their title, against a particular challenger, meaning that theorically, a champion can challenges a trainer to defends their title, giving the chance to the trainer for become the new champion without has to do the regional circuit to get this battle, making this a great honor for a trainer, adding that as Cynthia wanted to compensated Ash, she was willing to do this request to gives Ash another chance to dethrone her for her title. Though that this request requires the aprobation of the pokemon league, and to considers the criminal record of Ash, maybe they could end denying this request to Cynthia, especially as she possibly had to negotiated with them for lift the ban of Ash from the pokemon league for his crimes in the Team Rocket, meaning that if Ash wants another battle against Cynthia, he should re-do the Sinnoh league again.
Also, regarding the legal issues, perhaps to considers that Jimmy was kidnapped, blackmailed and forced to work for the Team Rocket, perhaps he could get a pardon for his crimes in the organization, making that Jimmy can be scott free easily, unlike Ash whom should to deals with a lot legal charges for all his crimes, making necessary the support of the traitors to that Ash will not end rotting in a cell for a long time.
Also, regarding the death of RED, perhaps he could end commiting suicide than that Ash outright kills him, as perhaps RED wants to keeps Ash's hands cleans from stains them with his own blood, to avoid leaves that his brother be on the run like he was, especially as possibly Ash got a parole as sentence, making bad idea that will be registered another murder in his name. Making that if RED commits suicide, Ash will not be accused from any crime, adding that the fact that he had to fight RED, could be considered a self-defense case, especially as RED was considered a dangerous criminal, avoiding that Ash get another legal issue for this incident. Adding that even Ash could get some redemption to the public's eyes for this outcome, for bravely faced a dangerous criminal like RED, making that this battle and possibly some actions of Cynthia, can fixes partially the bad reputation of Ash for his former affiliation to the Team Rocket, allowing that Ash now get a mixed opinion than only a negative opinion in the end.
To finishes, regarding the accident of Alpha, perhaps after that May reluctance allowed the medics removes his mask, besides to not look his face, maybe the doctors that will tends Alpha could noted some familiarity to looks Alpha's face, to considers that maybe they watched several pokemon leagues battles in the TV, but perhaps they will not press the matter and will simply treats Alpha's injuries, making that they fail in recoginzed him like Ash Ketchum. And if Alpha is still unmasked after be treated and resting in a room, perhaps Jimmy, Paul or even Dawn could enter first to his room to put Alpha his mask again, to prevent that May can see his face without his mask, even accidentally.
| G chapter 1 . 10/8/2021
You're welcome :)
| Itssupereffective chapter 35 . 10/7/2021
Hello G! I appreciate all of your points, especially the one about Ash receiving some sort of punishment for his actions in Team Rocket. In hindsight it does seem a bit ridiculous that he got off scot-free huh haha? I plan on addressing that and a few other topics, some of which you also touched on. I'm about half-way through with the editing, and some serious topics will be addressed in the two new chapters I'm planning on adding.
Thank you for your comments and reviews, they truly are welcomed!
| G chapter 9 . 9/28/2021
Hi Supereffective, i found a mistake/goof in the chapter 9 Dinner time rewrite version; you put Ritchie in the quotes despite to that he was cut from the story, specifically just before Alpha bumped Max and the traitors asked him eat together.
| G chapter 21 . 9/26/2021
As other point, regarding the part in that Alpha get the accident in the tournament and May accompained the paramedics, i thinks that you should edit it and makes some changes, specifically regarding the petition of May about do not remove his mask, as being honest, it don't has sense that the paramedics weren't adamant in removes this clothes, even despite to the protests of May, after all, it is a normal medical protocol removes the clothes of the patient to could evaluates and see the injuries and traumas, something hard if you don't removes the clothes.
Then, perhaps when May was reluctance that the paramedic will removes the mask of Alpha, they could leaves her clear that this is a necessary protocol to tends his injuries, as they needs to see clearly his injuries. Adding that i read that most of the blood was pouring behind his head, implying that the most life threating injure was in his head, making necessary removes his mask to see clearly his head to evaluates his injuries, making that the paramedic leaves May clear that if they do not removes his mask to see his injuries, Alpha couldn't make it, forcing May to allows them removes his mask.
But maybe as reason to that May do not finds the identity of Alpha, she could ask the paramedics that if she can closes her eyes or looks away from Alpha's face, to respect his privacy, making that the paramedics accepts this petition and May simply do not looks Alpha without his mask. And regarding the paramedics and medics that will attends Alpha, perhaps they will not register and recognizes him like Ash Ketchum, as maybe his facial features changed after this years, making that he cannot be recognized like the apparently deceased pokemon trainer.
I thinks this because i found illogical that the paramedics and medics do not removes the mask of Alpha to see his injuries, especially as the main injury was located in his head, something illogical to medical standards, and even May should understand that doesn't matter his privacy, if the medics do not evaluates his injuries properly, he could dies, making that May shouldn't protest for this, and maybe she only could chooses do not looks Alpha without his mask as other alternative to explain how she didn't finds his true identity in this part. At least in my opinion.
| G chapter 31 . 9/26/2021
Hi Supereffective, it is pretty good to see you again, i was missing your stories. Well i noted that you are rewriting and updating some chapters, well i was wondering if this could means that you are planning to do some little changes to the plot, specifically about the outcome after the fall of the Team Rocket.
I mean, Ash confessed to be affiliated with this criminal organization to the authorities, adding that he even admited to be accomplice from some murder to killed a rocket grunt and uses his corpse as false evidence to faked his death, without count that perhaps Giovanni could rat Ash to tells the authorities about all his "feats" within the organization, like a list of the trainers that Ash attacked and stole their pokemon, another list of some possibles murders did by Ash himself, and any other dirty information about Ash.
And with this, i wonder if in this rewrites, Ash could end getting some sentence, even if he gave a full cooperation, because his criminal record could makes Ash easily a criminal terrorist level, and one of the most wanted to international level, making that Ash cannot be scott free easily from some punishment by the law, even with a full cooperation.
Even this could explains why Ash didn't want to contact his others former friends when he and the traitors planned to pay a visit to his old brother RED, as sadly his former affiliation with the Team Rocket ended being acknownledge as result of the News, leaving Ash like a scum from his other former friends, and the people in general, making that only the traitors, Cynthia, Jimmy and Professor Oak will be the only people that still supports him after this revelation.
And maybe in this rewrite, you could put that perhaps will be revealed that the traitors and Cynthia ended defending Ash to tells them about his heroic actions during his journey, adding that perhaps they negotiated with the authorities that Ash could get some parole as sentence, with the traitors as his legal guardians, specifically May, making that Ash should lives with his love interest as part of his sentence, much to their like.
Making that maybe this will be the reason to that Ash will not get handcuffed inmediately after leaves the hospital and goes to talk with Giovanni in the police station, as the traitors already negotiated his sentence. And even maybe as result of this revelations, the pokemon league could bans Ash from challenges the champion league again, for his criminal record, making that maybe Cynthia want to redeems herself for indirectly pushed Ash in this situation, and she talks in his defense in the pokemon league commite. And perhaps after some hard negotiations and several days, Cynthia manages to convinces the pokemon league from lift the ban of Ash, to allows him could compites again in the pokemon league, though that maybe as part of the bargains, Cynthia should canceled her promised battle with Ash, and the young trainer should re-do the Sinnoh pokemon league again if he want another change to battle Cynthia, as maybe the pokemon league don't want gives Ash too much privilegies, though that with this outcome, Cynthia will redeem herself, and even maybe after this reunion, Cynthia can talk to the News and gives her report about Ash and even dubs him like the "Betrayed champion".
I thinks in this ideas, because i would likes to see that the traitors can do more to compensates Ash for let him down, adding that to negotiates with the authorities to gives Ash a parole than rot in jail, adding that Cynthia convinces the pokemon league association to allows Ash compites again, could makes that Ash can see them like true friends again, for supported him, even despite to that learned about his crimes, since theft to murder, leaving him clear that he can trust in them, even his own life, and this allows a better closure for this betrayal and redemption arc. At least in my opinion.
Keep the good job.
| Aruwer chapter 5 . 7/15/2021
Paul? Is it Jake Paul or Logan Paul?
| REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE chapter 4 . 6/22/2021
ZIPPO THE FLAMING CHARMANDER/CHARMELEON/CHARIZARD yay and also shock something the pikachu
| Guest chapter 4 . 2/23/2021
Yeah right just too overused
| Guest chapter 9 . 1/26/2021
Hey please beat Drew up again. I Hate Him.
| Anonymous chapter 12 . 1/20/2021
Dawn doesn't know.