|Reviews for You lose when you die|
| Guest chapter 2 . 2/23
Ravenclaw for L :3
| Guest chapter 5 . 6/28/2012
If your deciding that it should be slash, update the stupid profile so people don't read in hopes of "myabe this will be different"
It's called tact, and since wont make a slash-filter (which would be pretty easy) its common sense to make it clear what kind of story it is.
Thats part of why so many hate fanfiction and don't give it a chance. Had a friend who was a huge supernatural-fan, he was going to try out fanfiction, came across the slash and thought it was a rarity, when it turned out to be extremely common he quit reading fanfiction because he didn't have the energy to sort thorough all of it.
So please... fix the topic. possible slash gives you the impression that its about 20% chance of slash, and it ruins it for everyone...
Not to rant, but the point should be made.
But since i read 5 chapters i should give some feedback.
Good writing overall, I think Harry have too strong morals, there is a slight lack of descriptions of the surroundings for my taste, but otherwise good.
I like that you dont just rewrite alot of cannon as some ppl tend to do.
Anyways keep writing, if your gonna write a normal story (aka no slash) i will definitely read it
| ManniaOnna11OtakuHpFan chapter 16 . 6/26/2012
I am willing to take up your story . If you will allow me too and if no one else is up to taking up the fic. oh and sorry for writing a review instead of PMing you...
| gaarasgrl19 chapter 16 . 5/29/2012
Aww i really liked this story! It was pretty good.
| GodofMischiefandChaos chapter 16 . 4/26/2012
DARnit i liked this. D: -_- :P oh well . has anyone adopted it yet?
| Ayumi Otaku chapter 16 . 4/11/2012
So please, keep writting before you fall asleep and complete this fiction. It's one ofmthe best crossovers i have ever read, it's just perfect! I love your Harry and your way of writting, it keeps my attention and makes want to read more:)
I would just love it if you completed this fiction
From your fan:)
| Moonlight Memories chapter 16 . 3/22/2012
Well, if you ever continue, I want to see it.
| hentai18ancilla chapter 16 . 2/16/2012
I don't see anything wrong with your story and I am just curious to read more, please notify us on what you have ultimately decided. Or WHO has decided to write it.
You can't keep this posted without a chapter, even if it's a short one or everything gets taken down.
| hentai18ancilla chapter 10 . 2/16/2012
SLASH this! (wipes mouth from drool_)
| hentai18ancilla chapter 9 . 2/16/2012
HArry and LIGHT! Voledmort is too overdone and light is interesting!
| Barranca chapter 15 . 1/26/2012
The last chapter of this story was pretty surprising. Does this mean you are not going to continue? You had set up so many different plot points the story could have gone in any direction :P I quite enjoyed the premise and Harry's personality. Looks like he' pretty sociopathic but still has the sense of what is accepted by the society.
| Lord Kolos chapter 1 . 1/13/2012
You sure made a big mess of the plot line...I will be waiting for the rewrite, and if anyone else adopted this story...could you inform us...
| Reader-anonymous-writer chapter 16 . 1/12/2012
Personally, I don't see need to rewrite.
But it's for you and rewriter to decide.
Unfortunately, I can quite clearly see
How nasty writer's block to plot can be.
I wish you good day, good night and luck.
| WaxWings chapter 15 . 1/8/2012
| AiSard chapter 15 . 1/8/2012
like the fic. last few chapters were a bit.. sudden? i suppose? More like the some 10 chapter before it were pretty stable in plot, and then bam, muggle war coming soon. and then mini homonculus side-story. and soul searching side-side-story lol. Would have worked better if hints had been laid out earlier in the story and spread out over 10 chapters or so (instead of what, 3-5?) still, the muggle thing is really interesting p want to see where that'll end up. it
writing keeps going up and down. either you have sporadic beta use, or just really sporadic skill in english p Start of the fic was really good english, atleast, I didn't notice anything. and then there was a colossal drop in quality mid-way / nearing the end it improved again, so much so that I thought it was all ok again, and then you wrote the doctor/scientist's note which was quite horrendous to read... I'm guessing you just have a style of writing or are deficient in only a certain part of the english language, which I don't always pick up on or something, which makes for wildly different levels of coherency while reading p For the most part its good enough I don't really notice, except for specific bits mentioned ofcourse.
oo, also wanted to mention. no idea if you did it on purpose or not, but I keep thinking your killing off different people. Luna was perfect. She was just introduced, she could see Light. I've a soft spot for Luna (I'm sure everyone does) so here she is, stepping in to Harry's life and probably saving his soul or something (in a semi-redundant way in the long-haul but its how you live thats important?) and the moment she turns around Harry has his head in the Deathnote scribbling away . Bam. cliffhanger. was so so so sure you were going to kill her off p Seen that happen before, when an author introduces a character that could save the hero or otherwise do some good. then kill them off instantly p When Light was righting in his own Deathnote I though he was going to kill off Sirius too, for fun. p
Thematically I still can't quite get a grasp on this fic tho. Theres a very strong undercurrent of fangirl-ish yaoi (wonders if thats too blunt, wonders if your a boy or girl.. wonders if it would be more offensive to a boy or a girl..hmmm p) but yea, lots of people checking each other out subconsciously or wtv. Even Light has to have his little moment. But obviously that isn't the main theme (or I'm reading it wrong and your just waiting for Harry to grow up p) DeathNote itself was deeply psychological-centric, but even though you dabble in to that slightly you don't really explore it fully. and Harry is a mess of characterizations. sweet-loving from L. cynical/realworldview from Light slightlymaybe? big 'preserve my own life' from the incident (which was a bit rushed at the time, but with wayyyy major consequences) which could be a little bit of Light near the end? / or just random flavor added for psychological fun. but it was essentailly rooted in randomness, so not as much fun as it could have been. Now its 28-days later and I can't help myself from thinking of the Umbrella Corporation P the English fails you slightly here and the seriousness of the whole thing doesn't fully carry over at times because of it which was a shame. but then you veered off towards homnculus and then horcrux plots so its up in the air whether the whole muggle threat is as serious as I thought it was going to be or not. whether it will overshadow the whole fic (combining with actual using of DeathNote, much like the source material actually, and maybe even introducing L and pitting Light up against him. But even just imagining that.. on the one hand its an epic war of cunning and intelligence... on the other hand I can just see the two reaching out to each other in badly concealed want and love. .. yea, and then theres just outright slash. p yea, mixed signals for theme overall, doesn't hurt the story much? but its can get a bit confusing at times.
anyways loved )