|Reviews for Deteriorate|
| KazumaKaname chapter 9 . 1/9
I loved this part 1.
| Themulchmeister chapter 9 . 10/20/2012
It looks like the Damaged Princess lives on through Tatsuki. I guess that leaves things open for a sequel.
This story should have gotten more reviews than it did in the end. I think if you go back and fix up those mistakes (and there were a few more in this chapter but I'd feel bad quoting them again) that might help.
Also, one thing I hadn't mentioned before until now: I notice you use a lot of Japanese expressions in the dialogue. I learnt from doing this myself that this is not always a good idea. Most people either cannot understand it (I know you'd think they watch Anime too ne?) or just hate people using it for some reason. So you may want to think about that next time. I don't have an issue with it (I think it's good - especially for Orihime) but I'm just saying that other people tend to.
But hey, you got the McMullen brother's on your side with this story so you've done pretty damn well. Now onto Nirvana: A Fairy Tragedy!
| Themulchmeister chapter 8 . 10/19/2012
This was much better than the last two chapters mistakewise:
The day she killed her parent[s] was the day she stopped crying.
since he held the only job in the family he couldn't afford to remain drunk all of the time, which meant that he rarely missed his marked [mark].
"Hope the gmae's not over yet…" [I think you see the problem here]
She had unwittingly sit [set] herself up to fall, and it was too much for her to handle.
The nightmare is finally over with the death of the Princess Monster. Or is it? Onward to the concluding chapter!...
| Themulchmeister chapter 7 . 10/19/2012
There was an awful amount of times you used 'loose' or 'loosing' instead of 'lose' or 'losing. You might want to fix that up before Orihime gets you next! (sorry, bad joke)
Here's the other mistakes or sentences which sounded awkward:
Tatsuki suddenly became wary, "Orihime, what exact [exactly] did you do?"
One of them sore [wore] the uniform of the hotel, and Tatsuki belatedly realized that he must have been where Orihime got the keys to open the door.
"It's too bad Miss Soi-fon made [had?] bribed him to let her win," Orihime sighed
She slumped over into the bloody, unconscious. [not sure what you meant to say here. Might want to modify it]
the first thing she saw [was] a mutilated corpse
Well now that that's out the way; well...it's definetely a close contest to see who can write more gruesome and psychotically. I've got high hopes for your latest endevour down the horror/suspense lane now. And only two chapters to go here!
| Themulchmeister chapter 6 . 10/19/2012
I hate to admit it for this was such a great (no - terrifying would be the better word) chapter but there were a few mistakes in this one so I picked 'em out for you:
He back [backed] out again, and his fears were conformed;
This was his change [chance] ; he would never have a more perfect opportunity to break the chain than right now.
When he started to some [come] to he realized he wasn't in the alley anymore.
Even though the shock of loosing [losing] his sight scared him almost as much as the sickeningly sweet sociopath doing this to him.
She [will] win, she thought as she got on a bus,
As for Orihime: well I always thought she had some left-field tastes out there. I just didn't think they were THAT far!
So Chad, Ichigo, Rukia, Matsumoto and Chizuru are gone: I don't there's many left now. Well I'm sure there must be as there's three chappys to go. No onto the next one...
| Themulchmeister chapter 3 . 10/17/2012
I'd been meaning to review this one too. It defintely deserves one...
Poor Chizuru. She couldn't help it if she had a slightly over the top sexual obsession with Hime-chan. It seems like Tatsuki's pulling the strings for Orihime now that I look back at this one.
By the way, I wasn't sure what Orihime was going to do with the Dyson Vacuum cleaner. I suppose she used it to ram the door open but other than that maybe its role could have played out better.
| Themulchmeister chapter 5 . 10/17/2012
I'll never be able to hear another 'Kurosaki-kuuun!' the same way again...
Well at least she had the manners to say 'thank you'.
| Themulchmeister chapter 4 . 10/17/2012
Bloody hell, it's a battle between the vengeful boobalicious psycopaths! I don't know who I should put my money on!
I know it's an older story and already complete, but I think you should go back and read over it again sometime. There were a couple of mistakes in the last two chapters.
Oh and I like how you've put a reflective sounding note at the start of each chapter. You and my brother both seem to master this genre.
| Themulchmeister chapter 2 . 5/8/2012
I can only imagine the horror Orihime is about to commit next - especially the way you set up Chizuru right there at the end.
But I'll just have to read on and find out who Orihime's next victim - I mean 'play-toy' is next...
| Themulchmeister chapter 1 . 5/5/2012
Don't be fooled by those squiggly dooda's Orihime's got a freaking taste for blood!
I should've remembered that you write good psyco-horror stuff as well. Now I've gotta read more...
| Jim chapter 9 . 3/10/2012
Sir you have probably come up with the best horror script/plot known to hollywood!
| Pisces00 chapter 9 . 12/7/2011
Deliciously evil srory so far. She killed most of her friends. It's not right that she killed them. But, she was severly taken for grated. A good example of what can happen keeping everything bottled up inside. And, not paying attention to the warning signs. There's only so much a person can take before losing they're mind, completley. Sorry for the lomg ass review.
| Alex McM chapter 9 . 11/22/2011
That was a great ending though I must say I found myself smiling way too much at the start of this chapter. I know this is serious but those cameos were just so well-fitting I couldn't help but grin. Anyway another adventure over, a shame because this was great, but I'm sure the next one will be even better!
| Alex McM chapter 7 . 11/22/2011
So damn creepy...Oh how I love it!
| Alex McM chapter 6 . 11/22/2011
Whoa...Just...Whoa. That was intense! This is just getting better and better! Can't wait for the end!