|Reviews for The Perfect Line|
| NoLongerActive11111 chapter 1 . 9/14/2011
I was in a mood for a great Sephiroth/Genesis story lately and here you granted me my wish.
Already from the first scene, I feel the tension and am left wondering who the letter was from. Liked also how you pointed out Genesis' desire to laugh at Cloud's intelligence. Indeed. :)
As I mentioned before, I absolutely loved the letter. A lot of things there are interesting: the way Genesis expresses his feelings, with so much ardor and concern, the way he clearly adores Sephiroth and at the end, one of my very favorite details in this chapter - the word he strikes out. Honestly, it is perfect. Speaks more than any words in this case would - of guilt and unfaithfulness and sadness Genesis has and his inability to lie to his lover (or the one he loves). We don't yet know the details of his relationships with Sephiroth.
The last scene... hmm. Genesis is a manipulative bastard, I so agree with that. He would use the most unorthodox means to get what he wants. I do wonder what will killing the General accomplish. :)
Can't wait until you continue! It's great as always. :)
Love you muchly,
PS. Minor thingy. This sentence here "He let his sentence hang in the air and Genesis stiffened with anxiety, those thin, dry fingertips" is unfinished. :) Happened to me, too.
| Gavrilushka chapter 1 . 9/14/2011
:O FOR ME? Oh...you shouldn't have.. ;)
Anyway, you know my thoughts on this, but I just re-read it and honey, you did fine in your syntax and everything. I think you're being to harsh on yourself. "P
I loved how you started this, the opening really did seem to start like any English drama - everything normal and you get that sense of hubbub in the household. I liked how you presented the household as being somewhat normal, and yet as we reach the end normal is a FAAAR stretch from what this story will be - Gothic, Gothic, Gothic! ;)
The letter to Seph is really sweet, but what I love about it is that it isn't all like "Oh my love! I can't bare to be without you and your love/touch/sex organs." It was very...sincere and that's what I LOVE about it - it's in the subtleties that really give away how he feels for Seph. I think you portrayed love VERY well - the whole notion of it being not how infatuated and how often you say 'I love you' and praise them, but showing genuine care for them. Which in this case is Genesis alright. ;)
I'm interested to know how they met though. Next chapter perhaps?
Seph better pop up real soon too, it will speed up the pace I think. Oh and about that letter - the sheer power of that simple crossing out of 'faithfully'. Damn girl, for your age you think waaay beyond your years - you're too creative. *glares*
Now I'm curious to know how Sephiroth will react to that. ;)
Also, Cloud...eugh! He is SUCH A LOSER. But I can really see him doing that, believing he can accomplish anything with very simple acts out of status - it's like a parallel between FF VII world (canon world): Cloud believes he is a hero therefore he should/must win because that's what heroes do, here Cloud is a Lord therefore he can get whatever he wants because that's the role of the Lord. Note: You love messing with society's values.
Oh and that final scene with that General dude...OMG. GENESIS YOU SLUT! But he is forgiven. ;)
Hmm...I have my assumptions to why he is doing that- *shuts mouth*
I could be wrong. *shrugs*
Anyway, loved it. You really can write to suit the period (POE POE POE) and not to mention, love your language and the way you describe setting and stuff. (Yeah stuff "P)
Keep writing. ;)