|Reviews for My Dear Thirteen|
| Hawki chapter 1 . 9/11/2017
-“…to stem the blood lose.”
Think that should be “blood loss.”
-So, anyway, as we discussed in a PM, I’m not overly familiar with ‘Ace Combat’, and I know that Yellow something is a pilot in some game, but it isn’t one of the two (arguably three) that I’m familiar with. So, on one hand, I’m missing out on a lot of context. On the other, the writing in of itself is fairly decent. Flows well, and it does fit the style of the Strangereal ‘Ace Combat’ games, what with their use of monologues and…well, to be honest, melodrama. Luckily, it isn’t really an issue here.
One minor nitpick is the line “they DARE to use your color…” I’d actually write it as “dare,” or at most, italicize it. The use of capitals looks really out of place in what’s been a fairly sombre piece up to this point.
But, that aside, decent job.
| Luke Danger chapter 1 . 7/25/2014
Wow. That's... a dark take on Mobius One. I always imagined that he had a massive ego even if he was a Knight Ace, but wow... I mean, Ace Combat 04 tended to just go "Oh BTW you're a monster", but I don't think anyone's ever taken it to this level before and having Mobius One, in a way, be a monster.
An interesting take on it. Kinda curious on what this interpretation of Mobius One would react to the kid's letter. Well done.
| Ronin201 chapter 1 . 8/13/2013
I'm excited to have finally read some of your reading after hearing about it.
I have seen a few fanfics in my day dealing with Mobius 1, some even claiming he is also Blaze. Probably what stood out to me the most about this was that you cast him in a bit more prideful light. Most seem to think he's like some chivalrous knight, but despite it feeling just a little evil, it does seem to have potential.
| Red Crown chapter 1 . 1/4/2012
Hello! I'm surprised I missed this.
Anyway, I really loved it. It definitely displayed the sort of feeling one formidible warrior would feel towards a rival.
I especially liked the part about how Mobius 1 was frustrated by Yellow 4 always watching Yellow 13's back.
| yellow 14 chapter 1 . 9/20/2011
First up, sorry this is late. I stumbled across this a few days ago and promised to come back to it to r&r. I managed to forget, sorry. A very introspective fic. I loved the way that you have him talk to Yellow as a friend/respected enemy, it's very unusual. And it fits with the whole ethos of the game I feel. I look forward to seeing more of your work in action. Keep writing
| Luke Lynch chapter 1 . 9/16/2011
You, sir, have some serious talent as a writer. I, personally, cannot wait for your first multi-chaptered story.