awwwwwwww mcgonagall so cute

awww what a great birthday

*hugs to harry* sucks that i have been busy and distracted before now as i now re realize why i loved this stroy to begin with

awww George and charlie I love them

glad this story was adopted

Excellent story.

The constant bad grammar made the story hard to read.

I hope that you were trying to show a child's concept of language, and that it is NOT your real writing style.

I enjoyed your story, but the writing style drove me NUTS!

lovely and sweet story, you did a great job writing this)

I thought it was intentional grammar mistakes because of the first chapter, however it shows it well and actually kept me interested in the chapter to see how it would go. Looking forward to keep reading.

weasel87

Aww.. it's just the story I like... mmh... I like the change, and I know, there will be no sequel, therefor I like to read more, so lets go to the next of your storys :D

MissG

hey, it seems to be happening more and more, you change John's name. In one chapter you call him Ian when talking about the marriage and you keep calling him Neil in this chapter. Otherwise it's a decent story, thanks

I really liked this story. Sad that there won't be a sequel.

The story seems interesting so far... but I'm having a lot of trouble reading. I personally think that proper grammar and effectiveness in writing is a MAJOR component of a good story. I would like to continue reading this story, but the overuse of commas is just way to distracting and just takes away from the story. Your sentence structure is also just... very repetitive and just makes the writing quite dull.

Now I know you mentioned something about grammar in the authors note, but a good story always begins with good language. This is just my opinion of course and you're completely entitled to your own, so please don't take any offense. It's just a little constructive criticism.

Yes the plot seems interesting, but I would consider try revising and trying to make your lines flow more smoothly.

I vote for Severus, though I would definitely read it if it was Fred too. I look forward to your next story :)

I loved this story so I am sure I will love healing hands you are a great writer thank you

I vote for Severus

I loved this story - very good!