|Reviews for Adjustments|
| Stuch chapter 1 . 10/17/2011
Firstly, I should say that this isn't just some polite review because you posted one on my story. If I hadn't had enjoyed this I wouldn't have bothered saying anything.
I worry that had I read this when it was posted I would have thought twice about writing my own, there are definitely similarities. But this a fantastic introduction to what could easily be a rip-roaring yarn and I whole heartedly encourage you to continue with another chapter.
There are slight issues with grammar but at 9000 words proof reading could be a chore, I appreciate. The only other problem I see is with the exposition and it is something that affects all OC fics. You want to introduce characters and events and back stories quickly to move things forward and having two characters answering questions about their past will do that. But at a certain point they start asking questions purely for the reader's benefit to fill in the blanks.
It's a tough balancing act, I know. But sometimes a little mystery is a good thing and it can be fun for the reader to see hints and nods to a characters traits without them being explicitly pointed out to us.
Huh, didn't mean to write this much. Anyway, please keep going with this. Interesting and original stories are why I come here.
| tosamja chapter 1 . 9/16/2011
But what happend with bartender, if he is a friend Harrison would check up on him before leaving i guess.
I like when people come up with something original and i hope you will continue writing this story.