|Reviews for Day of the Black Sun|
| Wacko12 chapter 22 . 11/7/2013
so is he going to be called Gavaltron now? and will the Autobots get more comrades? hopefully bulky ones like Crosshair, Armorhide, Warpath or even Wingblade.
| ZabuzasGirl chapter 1 . 9/21/2013
Update immediately, please!
| Jessica Wolfe chapter 3 . 9/20/2013
There's a quick POV shift from Cyclonus to the gathered Decepticons in the scene before the meeting at the Pinnacle. You could fix this by having Cyclonus overhear the other Decepticons talking, rather than making it seem like thoughts from the others.
I really like how you're keeping most of the plan a secret, but having other characters grumble about it. The Decepticons are voicing the reader's feelings about not knowing the plan, so in a way, that makes the reader feel better about not knowing. And then you give the reader a morsel at the end by filling Salvo-and therefor the reader-in on a bit more of the plan. Good tension building. Well done. :)
| Jessica Wolfe chapter 2 . 9/16/2013
Suggested rework for clarity: A startled squeak emerged from the Sparkling he lifted from under the bed and into his arms. [This is in Sam's POV so he can just identify what he's pulling out from under the bed.]
LOL. The thought of Blaster pouting is hilarious to me. :)
Suggested rework for clarity: Sam tucked the little Sparkling under one arm, earning another squeak from Blaster, but with the iPod distracting him he was too preoccupied to wriggle much. It was really lucky that Blaster-the smallest of the Sparklings, at only a little bit smaller than Wheelie and Brains-was the one living with them. Sam knew that he wouldn't have been able to carry any of the others like this.
He grabbed one of the smaller packed boxes and held it under his free arm as he [exited] the room and headed for the stairs.
"Yeah. He was hiding under the bed, trying to listen to my iPod[." Sam shook] his head.
There're two places in the Sam/Bee scene where you mention "the box he had brought downstairs". You can probably drop one or both of these references, since I think the reader will assume that Sam is still holding the box until you have him set it down.
There's a lot of reiterating information in this chapter that we already know. You can drop a lot of it to keep the action moving along.
There's some POV shifting within the chapter. I don't know if you're aware of doing it or not. I'd suggest you try to stay in one character's head as much as possible, and if you have to shift to another head, make a clear transition from one POV to another.
| Jessica Wolfe chapter 1 . 9/16/2013
Great first chapter. I like the way you're building tension by giving us some information about this new enemy, but leaving room for more surprises.
Here's some suggestions I had to clear up a few sentences. Anything between the [ ] are my suggestions, except for the second sentence, which I just “fixed”. ;)
It was too far away, but the aura it gave off[-]cold and violent, evil and unforgiving, like a huge black shadow that sucked the energy out of everything it touched[-]was something he was cursed to feel even here.
Suggested rework for clarity: The approaching threat was very real, but it had long ago faded into myth; into legends that were rarely spoken of, let alone believed, by most Cybertronians alive today.
But it would certainly give them a fighting chance, which was something they did not have[-]that they would never have[-]if he didn't get there in time.
On to the next! :D
| Wacko12 chapter 21 . 8/2/2013
okay now you have to find a way to bring back Ironhide and Elita-1! This story can't go one without those two! And maybe Wheeljack since they could use an inventor! reply
| Wacko12 chapter 20 . 4/2/2013
i can't wait when the femmes see the sparklings. Also as a suggestion you should add maybe one or two bulky autobots, like Crosshair and Wingblade. reply
| Wacko12 chapter 19 . 3/20/2013
i think you should've put in a bulky Autobot to replace Ironhide, like Warpath for example. plz reply
| jeppers chapter 15 . 8/2/2012
Woohoo more chapters! I'd rather have shorter, more frequent updates than long breaks between chapters. But, whatever is best for the story is best :D
| Wacko12 chapter 2 . 7/22/2012
i would add a bulky Autobot, like Warpath. You know to fill in the gap that Ironhide left
| 1Timberwolf chapter 14 . 7/18/2012
Great chapter. Blaster and Trailbreaker sound so cute. Can't wait to see more.
| S.H.I.E.L.D-Agent-Phoenix chapter 14 . 7/18/2012
Cool update soon
| Guest chapter 14 . 7/18/2012
Great chapter! Nice character development, I particually liked Scattershot and Trailbreaker in this chapter. Keep it up! :)
| S.H.I.E.L.D-Agent-Phoenix chapter 13 . 5/7/2012
Nice update soon
| Wacko12 chapter 1 . 3/15/2012
i think you should add another autobot as their weapon specialist. I can give you a good one if you like