|Reviews for WrongWrongWrong|
| Digiboy-Stew chapter 6 . 10/2/2013
Chap 6 comments:
The inadvertent touching of hands in the popcorn bowl is a bit reminiscent of the spaghetti dinner kiss moment in "Lady and the Tramp". Too bad (at least for TK) that it didn't lead to a kiss, or even a lengthy holding of hands, but it was still cute.
TK shouldn't fret over Davis' aversion to poo flavored, genital-shaped "lollipops". As long as TK doesn't mind the taste, it can all still work out. He should, however, be very concerned with the animosity Davis must be harboring towards him after he ambushed Davis' phone conversation with Kari. I'm not sure how TK will wiggle his way out of this predicament without admitting his feelings to Davis, because there's really no other excuse for his bizarre actions in trying to prevent Davis from speaking with Kari (unless he lies and tells Davis that it's, just as Davis suspects, due to jealousy over the fact that Davis is dating his ex-girlfriend, however, that might even be worse for their friendship than would TK actually telling Davis the truth).
I'm not surprised that this story is headed in a direction that you hadn't expected. Each chapter seems to have been written spontaneously in the moment (and I hope that you don't take that as an insult, because it's not meant to be). Sometimes stories can veer off into places and scenarios that hadn't been planned. But that's all good. Just go with the flow of it, keep writing, and allow the story to go where it wants to go.
| Digiboy-Stew chapter 5 . 10/2/2013
Chap 5 review:
Sucking on the condom, I'll bet TK was wishing that there was Davis cream in it to go along with the strawberry flavor, hehehe.
My favorite metaphor in this chapter is when Davis is lamenting his relationship hardships with Kari and gets a hug from TK after sobbing and clapping his hands together like a seal. The image of a drunken Davis being like a seal is hilarious. And I love the stark, sensual comments Davis gives that seemingly come out of nowhere. The observation, "You smell of sexy" and the uncompromising command of "Lie on the floor!" come to mind.
I wish I had a heart monitor on TK when Davis was asking "Do you love me?" His pulse-rate probably skyrocketed.
The childish qualities brought out in Davis while he's under the influence are quite cute. I liked how he readied himself for the movie by curling up on the sofa, clutching his liquor bottle like a teddy bear and demanding popcorn, like a toddler, then falling asleep halfway through the film and using TK's lap as his pillow, and his arm as a teddy bear to sleep with. It all oozes of juvenile charm.
Alot of tender touching in this chapter (the condom going from mouth to mouth, Davis stroking TK's hair, Davis kissing TK on his sweaty forehead, TK stroking Davis' hair...). Even if it isn't explicitly sexual, it's definitely sexually charged.
| Digiboy-Stew chapter 4 . 10/2/2013
Chap 4 comments:
*Glug Glug Glug...*
Davis certainly isn't one to show self-restraint while sober. So of course, he's gonna be a total mess while intoxicated. I like seeing how he runs the entire drunk-emotional gamut in such a short time: from rowdy and raucous, to sobbing and depressed, to passed out.
| SOLDIER GIRL chapter 5 . 7/31/2013
…TK's really desperate isn't he? -.-
| daota1 chapter 5 . 7/3/2012
more i love it
| Digiboy-Stew chapter 3 . 4/25/2012
Before saying anything else about Chap 3, I must point out that there's tiny continuity error. Before getting into the shower in Chap 3, Davis removes his top, however, I think you may have forgotten that Davis had already removed his shirt in preperation for the soccer game against TK in Chap 2 (prior to the friendly little tussle they got into). I don't think Davis ever put his shirt back on before he and TK went into the house (unless I glossed over it while reading). Just pointin it out to ya...
What's ironic in this chapter is that it's TK who suggested he and Davis showering together (and is almost certainly the one who is more eager for them both to be standing in the nude just a few feet away from each other), yet once the shower gets turned on, it's Davis who seems to be having more fun with the situation. TK has to worry too much about little annoying things in his life, like the unwanted physical response that he's having trouble keeping in check, and (of course) the phone. Can't let Davis remember about that phone, now can we TK?
Pink rubber duckie? As soon as it squeaked, TK was probably thinking 'I should've just brought the potted plant in. Yeah, it would make less sense than the duck, but at least it isn't as embarrassing.' Hehe.
I apologize in waiting so long to review. I noticed on your profile page that, of this story, you said you're not even sure why you wrote it. I'm not sure why you wrote it either, but as a Daikeru fan I can tell you I'm happy that you did, reguardless of the reason.
Review for Chap 4 to come soon.
| daota1 chapter 4 . 3/17/2012
great story update soon please
| Digiboy-Stew chapter 2 . 12/19/2011
LOL, I never knew Davis was the capital of Japan. Hehe.
TK's desperation is hilarious. Stealing Davis' phone, blowing fuses, offering Davis a defunct phone. Putting the phone in the microwave was the best. I can't even imagine the kind of confusion going through Davis' mind when he saw it sitting in there like a dinner plate waiting to be warmed up. He must've been like 'WTF? Why is there a phone in the microwave?'
This story is so loaded with awkward, adorable humor, it's impossible not to like. Very much looking forward to the next chapter, where the two shower together "like after practice" (as TK reasoned). I just wonder how TK will be able to manage to hide his, um, excitement (to put it nicely).
| Guest chapter 2 . 11/22/2011
Chapter 3 quick pleeeeeeeeeaseeee
| physcor chapter 2 . 11/14/2011
For the length of the chapter it's quite good and the emotions are well done. TK and Davis fighting was entertaining and the TK throwing the phone in the microwave was generally amusing. There isn't too much to talk about since it was a short chapter but I have nothing to complain about that I noticed. I am curious just how much Davis has figured out as TK seems to be slipping up. Thanks for the update.
| The-Lone-Taichi chapter 1 . 10/29/2011
I'm enjoying the plot so far and I do hope that you update this story because it seems like it'll be a great one.
| physcor chapter 1 . 9/28/2011
Its a very good start to the story. I'm not very good at picking out grammar and spelling mistakes but overall I thought it was very well written. I hope to read more and I hope you continue your story.