Reviews for Return of Godric Gryffindor
AnAddictedReader chapter 1 . 4/24/2012
Interesting! I'm checking out this fic as recomended by DarkAngel48 and so far seems great even if I have yet to read the summary! ;D
LianaRamsay chapter 1 . 4/11/2012
Who is Jenny? Oh...and it is Ron Weasley, not Wesley. Gryffindor... is the correct spelling. There are a few spelling and grammar mistakes. However, I don't really know where you are trying to go with this story. Why does Godric Gryffindor appear? Why not Salazar Slytherin - Voldemort is after all his descendant. It is an okay start so far - especially for your first HP fanfic. Might I suggest getting a beta? Particularly one that has been beta for HP stories before, so they will have more experience.

Hopefully this helped,

Stephanie O chapter 1 . 3/28/2012
Looks like a pretty sweet story, but a little bland in my opinion. (I'm sorry if this offends, it's really not my intent.)If Harry is married to the red-haired former Weasley girl, her name is Ginny, not Jenny. It's not clear what 'members' Harry is teaching Defense to in the Department of Mysteries. (I assume this is what you meant.)

Return of Goldric Gryphondoor [Gryffindor] - it's correct in the title, though.
Banandie chapter 1 . 3/27/2012
this is cool! but may I point our, her name is Ginny, not Jenny! haha other than that, good job!
Ansa88 chapter 1 . 3/27/2012
most definitely has potential, pretty smooth.

i like how you have the long scentences without running it over. it really helps with description.

SOME CRITIQUING (sorry, but i can't help myself...) just some stuff i noticed:

the names and hugging made me cringe a little-i doubt that people in real life would really be that lovey-dovey. please save it for little bits at a time, not all the names and hugging and kisses on cheek. kisses on cheek ok, but not all the time. same goes for everyone above.

it seems that you use "and" a lot. things would read much smoother without putting it in (i'm guilty of it too, don't worry. all us writers do it.) when you're editing, try to add a comma or another word instead of "and."


original: "sighed and stirred"

edited: "sighed, stirring"

the talking is a bit stilted, try using conjuctions to make it less formal. "i am going to work." compare to "i'm going to work." i dunno why, but try to save non-conjunctions for formal speaker or speeches.

i hope this helps. it's very detailed writing without going overboard, which is nice. keep on writing-it's quite good.
Lollypops101 chapter 1 . 3/26/2012
by jenny, do you mean ginny weasley? or are you introducing a new character? this seems like it could be an interesting story. I will keep it on my favorites list for now. update soon!
jules3677 chapter 1 . 3/26/2012
Interesting start. This has potential. Especially liked Harry's wife, always like introduced characters to this world. A bit puzzled as where you were going with the chapter, but I note that this hasn't been updated for 6 months so maybe you wrote yourself into a corner. Anyway don't be disheartened, it does take a few tried to get into the HP world groove. Look forward to reading more of you in the future.
Tlcatlady chapter 1 . 3/25/2012
Good start...TLC
BlueRose22 chapter 1 . 3/25/2012
Its Ginny, but other than that its fairly interesting.
Cole the Demon Hunter chapter 1 . 3/25/2012
I read the chapter, and it's interesting, but does not match the title. I'll alert this story for now and see how it goes. It really has potential.
Blue Luver5000 chapter 1 . 3/23/2012
Her name is Ginny not Jenny just to let you know please update this story please please please!
Blue Luver5000 chapter 1 . 3/23/2012
Her name is Ginny not Jenny just to let you know please update this story please please please!
yellow 14 chapter 1 . 3/23/2012
After someone pmed me reccomending this fic, I decided to r&r. As a story, it's reasonably interesting, but the language is very...stilted for want of a better term and as a result, the characters sound like they're more machines than people. That said, I think you show potential. Ordinarily Incidently, you can thank DarkAngel1048 for me being here. Keep updating
thunder18 chapter 1 . 3/22/2012
enjoyed reading this chapter
Soapykitten chapter 1 . 3/22/2012
This has the potential to be a really good story, I'm looking forward to your update :') However, I do think if English is not your first language, maybe you could try and get a beta reader just to help it flow a little better. I think your English knowledge is fantastic though. :') can't wait til the next chapter :D

P.S. Is Jenny meant to be Ginny as in Ron's sister?
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